Tuesday, June 28, 2005

This Friday I am getting my wisdom teeth taken out. :(

However, being that I always look on the bright side of my life (I swear I do I do!) I think this could be a good thing....I will lose a couple pounds!!!

I workout in the mornings at the gym at work. So more days than not, I bring my work uniform with me (scrubs) to change into after a shower. I mostly sleep at my boyfriend's house so the night before work I have to pack gym clothes, work clothes and my lunch. Well I come out of the shower this morning and grab my work clothes.....I forgot my underwear. What is worse? I am wearing white scrubs today. I am wearing white scrubs with no panties. I have to say I feel rather....risque.

Tom Cruise can kiss my pretty tight white ass. He is an expert on psychiatry??? That is just a big pile of smelly bullshit. That's all I have to say about that.

There are some things I know I want to write about. But, I want to sit down and write not give some half ass throw up of a post...so it will just have to wait.

I was kissing my boyfriend the other day and I farted. I guess that is just not sexy.

But he farts too...

So I'm still sexy.

I am going to a million concerts this fall...Oasis, Paul, Decemberists, Green Day, Street Scene....So I am feeling the itch. I miss my concerts. I need some to go to NOW!

I want a puppy.

A puppy is like a little baby to take care of. I might just have to take a trip to the pound.

If you believe in God...did something happen in your life to give you that belief? Did something happen to take it away?

If I had money I would be in London right now partying like a rock star (literally)....oh the joys of being poor.

I promise more interesting stuff tonight. I really do!!!!

Lots of love


Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Get Ready For A Ramble

So yesterday I got a bloody nose at work. I also fell down the stairs...yeah just like in the movies. I wonder if that made my status as a professional human being, ya know...go down??

So I am on my sofa nursing my pain (kidding but when you hear what movie I watched you will want to think I was only watching it because I was in pain) and I put Hitch in the DVD player.

I am not a Will Smith fan.

However, a good point was brought up. When it comes to relationships people feel like they need to have a plan. Why? Because if a guy just comes out and says, "I like you," many times it crashes and burns right on top of them. But when does a plan become manipulation? Isn't it a lie? I don't think it is but I wonder why people can't just be honest. Why the game?

My current relationship was never established upon a "game." (At least I don't think it was unless the BF is very savvy) But I guess in all relationships of life the "game" is based upon people giving what THEY think other people want.

Not sure where I am going with this...but I guess I just feel like I wish people, whether it be a boss, a boyfriend, a friend or a family member would not hold back anything and just be upfront and honest. In a parallel universe maybe...

I want to feel like I don't have to be somebody to everyone...but I want to feel like I am everything to someone. My mother? Father? Boyfriend? Friends? My dog maybe? Is it even possible? I guess I just want to make a difference in someone's life....for the good not the bad.

There are so many things I want to do with my life. I want to live in New York for a bit. I want to be a writer. I want to have children and be married. I want to do everything on my "list" (including jumping out of a plane, learning how to sail, and going on an African safari). I wonder if I can do it all.

I guess I am just feeling very introspective today...

Let's lighten up!

I got my hair done and I must say I look rather ravishing. This is a good look for me.

My new job has gotten me addicted to coffee. I am a different person without it now.

I got honked at three times on the drive home last night. I am still not sure if I was just looking hot or if I am a horrible driver.

I am not a geek. Yeah I am going to the midnight release of Harry Potter but I am not a geek!! I'm NOT!!!!!

My brother has moved closer to me. This makes me happy. He is only 30 minutes away now and walking distance from Cheesecake Factory. Double bonus.

Thought for the day....

If the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence...what color is the fence?

Monday, June 20, 2005

What do you want?

We all say we know. We don't. We pretend we know. We don't. What is it we really want? Everyone gives some bullshit answer...

"I want happiness"

"I want money."

"I want love."

This is such bullshit. Of course everyone wants happiness...because what other option is there?

I am more interested in what everyone really wants. It takes some thinking but I know I can figure out at least a few things I want.

Why am I thinking about this? Well I guess I just feel like if I don't pay attention to what I want, then no one else will. How is someone supposed to give you what you want, whether it be a sweet nothing or a new car...if you yourself have no friggen clue?

What I want...

I want a pair of jeans that fit so perfect no one else in the world would be able to wear them.

I want to feel like I am an angel to those in my life.

I want to be held...tight.

I want some kissing fish to put on the shelf.

I want a mini cooper.

I want children....someday.

I want my hair to behave 365 days a year.

I want a vespa.

I want to wake up in the morning looking radiant and beautiful.

I want to never get cramps again.

I want a chocolate river in my backyard like Willy Wonka.

I want my mother to retire.

I want my future (still not written and have no idea what it's about) book to be a success.

I want a cute unique home...no cookie cutter house for me.

I want my Great grandparents to live long enough to be Great Great Grandparents.

I want new black boots.

I want a pair of orange juicy sweats.

I want to move out.

I want sparkly things.

I want a puppy.

I want to have pictures taken.

I want to play dress up.

I want every single one of my Amazon wish list items (695 items)

I want to feel like I make people in my life feel good about themselves.

I want to always feel good about myself.

I want to go to Greece.

I want to win the lotto.

I want to win something.

I want the BF to get all that he deserves. Conde Nast needs to call him.

I want to have a Chanel purse.

What is it you all want? I love hearing so do tell in the comments section. :)

Happy Monday...well not too bad for a Monday anyway

Friday, June 17, 2005

For goodness sake....

I've got the hippy hippy shake

Bad bad bad pun there but I stick a Beatles line wherever I can. We have got some shakin here!

I am a born and raised California girl but for some reason I still get a little uneasy whenever there is an earthquake. We have not had much quaking for a few years and now all of a sudden we have three?!?! Either this is just the world relieving much needed stress or these quakes are just the introduction to the coming of the BIG ONE.

The boyfriend is now seriously going to buy a puppy!!! Despite what others are telling him he wants the Jack Russell Terrier. I think they are so cute and I do believe everyone should get what they want, no matter what others say. I am beyond happy a puppy is coming. I was going to shoot some of the woman in my family if they did not have a baby soon. We are seriously lacking in the babies on this side of the coast being that all my younger cousins live in New York. So, having a puppy is something that can hold me over until Mrs. and Mrs. I-won't-say-their-names start driving in the preggo lane.

I have now become fascinated with a complete stranger. She was an older woman who shared the same name as me. I was contacted by her because she came across my blog sometime ago. I have since learned some amazing stories about the life she lead. She lived through wars, the roaring 20s, and glamour. She was a flapper, a nurse, a wife, and a friend. It is amazing how a stranger can inspire someone so much. I hope to one day wake up when I am 90 years old and be able to look back on my life in the same fashion. The stories some people can tell...it is just astounding.

These hot firemen just came to my office )well to the heart institutes office next door) they were pretty cute. What is it about firemen? I think it is the whole rescue thing. (honey if you are reading this, don't worry you rescue me from insanity every day hehe)

So Tom and Katie are engaged. WTF?!?! 2 months!!!! They even beat my brother on time. I swear this whole relationship (*cough* publicity stunt *cough*) has got me sickened. It is going so far as to he proposed on top of the Eiffel Tower. How cliche is that!!! I swear I would rather be proposed to over dinner or at a ball game than on top of the Eiffel Tower. The whole thing is ripe with fakness. Well, that's Hollywood for you. She is even converting to Scientology from being a Catholic. Oy!

I am trying to perfect roasting nuts. (ok that came out so wrong). But really, they keep coming out soft. How the hell do I get them crunchy!!!! I need crunchy nuts damnit!

More later today...

Thank God it's Friday :)

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Dear Sylvia Rynette RN,

I read your letter regarding Rachel Rose Kaplan and I started to cry. When I first wanted to become a writer I felt like if I touched one person's heart then I would know I succeeded...even if I never sold even one piece.

Knowing that a woman, in the last times of her life, was intrigued by my writing makes me feel like I have made a difference. Bringing light to someone's life, no matter for how long, is all I ever really wanted to do.

The fact that we not only share the same name, but that my Hebrew name is Rose makes me wonder if God really does work in mysterious ways.

The letter you wrote means so much to me. I would love for you to contact me so I can talk to you further about Rachel, whom I now feel so connected to. I would appreciate it greatly. A part of me now feels like this great woman was meant to walk into my little world.

Please contact me at Rachelkap@murmurs.com so I can learn more about her

Lots of love

Rachel Kaplan

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Let's talk about stress baby....

I am practically living out of my car. I am not kidding. My entire car is full of clothes, makeup, shower gel and shoes. On a given night I don't know where I might be sleeping. My boyfriend's? My own house? Will I even sleep? So as of right now I have clothes everywhere, my computer is causing problems, I have yet to organize my new phone and I just might go crazy.

What I need is one full day. A full day to do nothing but organize my books, my clothes, my phone, my to do list....my life. Instead I am running around from work to the gym to errands and manage to arrive home by 9 o clock only to either fall asleep or pack the next days clothes and head on over to my boyfriend's house.

This weekend I had to go to Santa Barbara for my brother's graduation for his Masters. In typical Kaplan family fashion I had lots of fun mixed with lots of tears.

I am now on my period and all I want to do is kill everything that crosses my path. In a few days I will be back to normal for now I feel like everyone is against me and the world does not feel my pain. I feel like I get no love except from my dog Boris who loves me even when I am a bitchy moody pms'y nut job.

Just a couple more days.....

Just a couple more days....

I need hugs and well wishes today so send them to me!! Pretty please....;)

In other news....

I have to wonder about people who constantly use their income and net worth to magnify their status. I do understand how the male ego is based largely on what they do for their vocation, being that they feel like good providers, but I don't understand one basing how much better they are than everyone else because they happen to have sold their soul to work 80 hours a week for the chance to buy 400 dollar shirts. What's the point?

Yes there is such a thing as people asking for Botox for their dogs. Has our nations dog obsession gone too far?

I had a dream last night of what my life might be like in 5 years. Suprisingly I liked it. Above all else I was happy in my dream.

The Michael Jackson verdict....If he walks I will take it upon myself to go up to Santa Maria and cut off his small multi colored penis.

More later...

Have a fantabulous day!!

Monday, June 06, 2005

The secret to a happy marriage

This past weekend, my grandparents celebrated their 50th "Golden" wedding anniversary.

My grandparents fight enough, but what I see is a pretty happy and healthy marriage. They have been together since my grandmother was 17. They had two children and lost another. They have gone from dirt poor to the type of lifestyle most would envy.

They went through deaths in families, births, weddings, and every other mile stone. They even lost their entire house and all their possessions in a fire.

So..... Saturday as I was sitting at one of the best restaurants I have eaten at, drinking red wine to my hearts content and loving the fact that we surprised both grandparents with a party without them finding out. I looked at both of them and had to wonder, what was their secret? What did they do that most never do to sustain a healthy and lasting marriage?

My grandfather, toasted out of his mind, got up to give a speech and made some comments on the subject at hand.

"Some people have asked me how to have a healthy marriage...and to that I say it is best to wake up every morning and know your place in the world....its good to be above and not below."

What this means I have no idea...but I guess it is the secret to a happy marriage.

The night included people saying the secret to a happy marriage is, "yes dear." Lots of sparkly diamonds always helps. Hey whatever works. ;)

I got drunk. I was a happy drunk.

Anyway...I see my grandparents through good and bas as one of the few successful marriages out there. I wish them 50 more years.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

What do we deserve?

The answer is very simple. We deserve exactly what we think we deserve.

I was talking to a dear friend last night when he explained that I deserved the moon and the stars and everything in between I could possibly want.

"There is a catch," he said.

"What's the catch"? There is always a damn catch!

"You have to think you deserve it."


The thing is in the bible it states, "Ask and you shall receive. Knock and the door will be opened." It does not say you have to explain why. Being who you are is the why. You deserve it because you say you do. All you have to do is ask.

Well that sounds so simple. However, sometimes if we really sit down and think about it we either don't know what we deserve, don't know what to ask for, and feel so shitty-run-over about ourselves that we think we deserve nothing.

I know enough about myself that I deserve and want the best that life has to offer. However, I think one needs to be more specific. I think we all need to be more specific. So to help us all out here is a list that I think we all deserve in life for simply being exactly who we are.

1) Respect. We all deserve respect. BUT don't expect someone to respect you if you disrespect them

2) Kindness. There is never a reason to be mean. BUT if you hurt someone I love then the claws come out.

3) Love. I think everyone deserves great love. Period. No IFS ANDS or BUTS.

4) Trust. We deserve trust but in order to get it we sorta have to give it. Such a catch 22.

5) Fulfillment. If you feel something that you want and it does not come from somewhere selfish then by all means you should have it.

Notice a pattern here? We do deserve everything. But to get everything you have to give.

So does this mean if I give my clothes to the poor than more will magically appear? ;)