Is beauty in the eye of the beholder or is it a law of nature?
Ok take a seat. This might make absolutely no sense whatsoever. But, it makes sense in my head so you just have to deal with it.
I look in the mirror every morning. I study my face while I put on my makeup and do my hair. To some people I am the definition of beauty. To others I might be just the ugliest thing ever made. It is an entirely personal opinion as beauty as always been personal throughout time.
The question is what makes us think someone or something is beautiful? Obviously there is no universal standard for beauty. I might think a guy is hot while one of my girlfriends would think I am nuts. Even the beauty of art is not universal. My brother and my sister-in-law have very opposing views about what art is beautiful. Everything is personal.
However, what is universal is what we associate beauty with now and at various times throughout history. “Beauty” was perceived as being close to or the same thing as “good.” “Good” things are not only what we like but also what we would like to acquire for ourselves. Love, wealth, happy experiences and fine objects can all be considered “good,” and therefore “good" can be described as anything that stimulates our desire. We desire the “beautiful.”
Before I come across as shallow remember the idea of beauty is not limited to people but rather a concept to describe various situations, art, scenes in nature, and people. The idea of a beautiful thing is something that would make us happy if it were ours but remains beautiful even if it belongs to someone else. Everyone can see the sunset as beautiful even if they do not own it.
In ancient Greece, the aesthetic ideal was described by various philosophers as having “harmony” and “symmetry.” What was beautiful in Greece was so important they claimed, “Only that which is beautiful is loved,” and “the most beautiful is the most just.” The Beauty ideals of the Greek bodies were, as Plato described, in Harmony and proportion. However, all it takes is to see what they considered beautiful to understand what they meant by proportion. The sculptures they had of the human body portrayed muscular men and soft curvy woman. Geometrical shapes were also very popular.
The idea of a well proportioned thing or person as beautiful spans even to modern day. The Pythagoreans looked at numbers as they relate to beauty. They claimed that all things exist because they are ordered. Essentially, they are the realization of mathematical laws, which are a condition of existence and of beauty. A statue in Greece, called the Canon embodies all the rules of correct proportion, or perfect ratio, in all of its parts.
But what about other types of beauty? In the 18th century many pieces of art represented the combination of beautiful things with terror, the devil and death. Aristotle explained why images in art, such as horrific volcanoes provoked a feeling of fear and pity. This made the person viewing the art feel cathartic. This idea of beauty is called the Sublime. Those feelings of fear without actually having experienced that, which one fears, made it beautiful. Sounds crazy…yeah. But think about how many people love the thrill of skydiving or the two-hour fright fest of a scary movie. It is cathartic and according to Aristotle it was beautiful.
So does this answer what is beautiful? Hardly. Is it something that is mathematically proportioned? The artists of the renaissance seem to think so. Or is something more? Is beauty truly in the eye of the beholder? Is it something the spectator feels that makes the object or person beautiful? I know I don’t have the answers. But the questions sure are fun.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
I know I know I have not wrote a damn thing in a while. Truth is I have been writing up a storm! Just nothing I would like to put on a public space. ;)
I promise some very insightful, smart and yet slightly stupid stuff is coming your way.
For now just know...
new job is going great.
I am counting down the days until Hitchhiker makes it into theatres.
Everyone needs to buy the new Glen Phillips album. While your at it pick up Aqueduct.
Everyone needs to read The History of Beauty by Umberto Eco. While your at it read The Name of the Rose by Ego as well.
Oh and just to brag with reckless abandon.....I am going to see Paul McCartney!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I promise some very insightful, smart and yet slightly stupid stuff is coming your way.
For now just know...
new job is going great.
I am counting down the days until Hitchhiker makes it into theatres.
Everyone needs to buy the new Glen Phillips album. While your at it pick up Aqueduct.
Everyone needs to read The History of Beauty by Umberto Eco. While your at it read The Name of the Rose by Ego as well.
Oh and just to brag with reckless abandon.....I am going to see Paul McCartney!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Who decides what makes a writer great?
Sometimes I just hate being a girl. Actually approximately 36 days out of the year I hate being a girl. The rest of the year is just fine and dandy. So tonight at dinner the subject came up about what makes a writer great. The boyfriend claims that one (not the only) thing that makes a writer great is vocabulary. I personally think what makes a writer great is the ability to convey the writer’s thoughts to the mind of the people in a smooth manner. Or rather in a manner that RELATES to the people. I don’t care if the material is a mystery, politically incorrect humor, romance, drama or psychological editorials; it has to be able to form a mental picture in the readers mind. Essentially if the reader does not like the person writing, he or she won’t like the actual writing. Marcus Aurelius is the perfect example of a great writer who “speaks” to the people. If one reads Marcus, even though the language may be archaic, you would still feel like Marcus himself is speaking to you. That, to me, is a great writer. I am not there yet. However, I have faith I will get there someday. Now vocabulary is important and the boyfriend brings up a good point. If you feel the writer is an idiot you won’t want to listen to him anyway. But (and this is a big BUT) you can have “common man” vocabulary in your writing and still be considered great (at least in my book). The boyfriend's writing is politically incorrect humor. There are not many words the everyman would have to look up in the dictionary to be able to understand what he writes. (In my opinion this is a good thing because no one has the ability not to laugh whilst reading his material.) But, is he good? Yes. Is he great? Yes. So this brings me to wonder, am I wrong? Am I right? Neither? What makes a writer great? My brother is a great writer and yet the everyman could probably understand only half of what he writes. He has the vocabulary. He is a great writer. But, does he “speak” and “relate” to the people? Hell no. So maybe it can be both and the exceptional writer has the ability to combine both good human relations and great diction. The jury is still out.
In other news….
The job is going well, however I do find it hard to separate emotions when you have to call a patient to come back to the doctors knowing very well the doctor found cancer but not being able to tell them that over the phone. I never knew how many were really out there
I heard on the radio today that Pope Benedict VXI has an email address. Now I really know I am living in the world of technology. You really know the Internet has taken over when the freaking Pope has an email address.
The L.A Book Fair is this weekend. Everyone in the area should check it out.
I said earlier today that I just really wanted to be a writer but I was not sure it would happen. Weird thing is though; last week I had nothing in print except this blog. Today I have a photo in a magazine with a byline and a feature article on a very popular website. Maybe I just need to look at the big picture…baby steps. I don’t need to go from nothing to having my own column. I can do things little by little and someday I just might end up somewhere cool. Whether or not I am a great writer, a good writer, or the common average writer, the truth is I don’t mind either way. I just know I love to write and I was taught that you could always do what you love… if you try hard enough.
Sometimes I just hate being a girl. Actually approximately 36 days out of the year I hate being a girl. The rest of the year is just fine and dandy. So tonight at dinner the subject came up about what makes a writer great. The boyfriend claims that one (not the only) thing that makes a writer great is vocabulary. I personally think what makes a writer great is the ability to convey the writer’s thoughts to the mind of the people in a smooth manner. Or rather in a manner that RELATES to the people. I don’t care if the material is a mystery, politically incorrect humor, romance, drama or psychological editorials; it has to be able to form a mental picture in the readers mind. Essentially if the reader does not like the person writing, he or she won’t like the actual writing. Marcus Aurelius is the perfect example of a great writer who “speaks” to the people. If one reads Marcus, even though the language may be archaic, you would still feel like Marcus himself is speaking to you. That, to me, is a great writer. I am not there yet. However, I have faith I will get there someday. Now vocabulary is important and the boyfriend brings up a good point. If you feel the writer is an idiot you won’t want to listen to him anyway. But (and this is a big BUT) you can have “common man” vocabulary in your writing and still be considered great (at least in my book). The boyfriend's writing is politically incorrect humor. There are not many words the everyman would have to look up in the dictionary to be able to understand what he writes. (In my opinion this is a good thing because no one has the ability not to laugh whilst reading his material.) But, is he good? Yes. Is he great? Yes. So this brings me to wonder, am I wrong? Am I right? Neither? What makes a writer great? My brother is a great writer and yet the everyman could probably understand only half of what he writes. He has the vocabulary. He is a great writer. But, does he “speak” and “relate” to the people? Hell no. So maybe it can be both and the exceptional writer has the ability to combine both good human relations and great diction. The jury is still out.
In other news….
The job is going well, however I do find it hard to separate emotions when you have to call a patient to come back to the doctors knowing very well the doctor found cancer but not being able to tell them that over the phone. I never knew how many were really out there
I heard on the radio today that Pope Benedict VXI has an email address. Now I really know I am living in the world of technology. You really know the Internet has taken over when the freaking Pope has an email address.
The L.A Book Fair is this weekend. Everyone in the area should check it out.
I said earlier today that I just really wanted to be a writer but I was not sure it would happen. Weird thing is though; last week I had nothing in print except this blog. Today I have a photo in a magazine with a byline and a feature article on a very popular website. Maybe I just need to look at the big picture…baby steps. I don’t need to go from nothing to having my own column. I can do things little by little and someday I just might end up somewhere cool. Whether or not I am a great writer, a good writer, or the common average writer, the truth is I don’t mind either way. I just know I love to write and I was taught that you could always do what you love… if you try hard enough.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
This is just a random thing. This is my life.
I was going to talk about watching the election of the new Pope this morning, but decided against it because of my understandable lack of knowledge of what the Pope really means to me. (Really I was in awe but more because of my memories of Italy). However, the crowd reaction was beautiful and surreal. I thought about writing on how planning is stupid because things never go as planned anyway. Why not just ride where the wave takes you. I had training this morning at 8:30; I had to reschedule or 4:30 today because I forgot my shoes. I forgot my shoes! My biggest worry about my first day on the job tomorrow is how studious and cute my new outfit will be. I am not nervous about the job. Odd. I might complain about how when I went to the bank this morning to open a new account they came at me with a 300-dollar chargeback from the account I had there over two years ago. I could rant about how the lady was rude to me and talked to me in a condescending manner when I stated there was no way I was in New York in January of 2003 when I was in Europe! Those damn charges where not mine!
I could lighten the mood. I could say that without a doubt I will be debt free in two months. I will make good money. I will love my job. My boyfriend owns American flag pajamas. I have panties with ruffles on the butt. My dog masturbates and my other dog has gone psycho because she is on prednisone. I have always wanted to be a heroine. When my sister-in-law calls I know the conversation will last at least an hour. My brother has an interview on Thursday that I believe could change his life. I got recent picture today of my best friend in Aruba’s daughter. It really made me miss Aruba. The Aruban sun is different than our sun. It feels like…perfection.
I am protesting the bank charge. I know my new work outfit is cute. I will get back to Aruba someday soon. My dog will continue to masturbate and I just might buy these Beatles Pajamas.
I was going to talk about watching the election of the new Pope this morning, but decided against it because of my understandable lack of knowledge of what the Pope really means to me. (Really I was in awe but more because of my memories of Italy). However, the crowd reaction was beautiful and surreal. I thought about writing on how planning is stupid because things never go as planned anyway. Why not just ride where the wave takes you. I had training this morning at 8:30; I had to reschedule or 4:30 today because I forgot my shoes. I forgot my shoes! My biggest worry about my first day on the job tomorrow is how studious and cute my new outfit will be. I am not nervous about the job. Odd. I might complain about how when I went to the bank this morning to open a new account they came at me with a 300-dollar chargeback from the account I had there over two years ago. I could rant about how the lady was rude to me and talked to me in a condescending manner when I stated there was no way I was in New York in January of 2003 when I was in Europe! Those damn charges where not mine!
I could lighten the mood. I could say that without a doubt I will be debt free in two months. I will make good money. I will love my job. My boyfriend owns American flag pajamas. I have panties with ruffles on the butt. My dog masturbates and my other dog has gone psycho because she is on prednisone. I have always wanted to be a heroine. When my sister-in-law calls I know the conversation will last at least an hour. My brother has an interview on Thursday that I believe could change his life. I got recent picture today of my best friend in Aruba’s daughter. It really made me miss Aruba. The Aruban sun is different than our sun. It feels like…perfection.
I am protesting the bank charge. I know my new work outfit is cute. I will get back to Aruba someday soon. My dog will continue to masturbate and I just might buy these Beatles Pajamas.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Why being employed is more than just making money...
I just got home from being poked prodded and watched while peeing in a cup (well almost watched.) I was not even aloud to flush the damn toilet until the nurse came in and took my cup of pee from me. That was nice.
So I start my new job, (my well paying, real ob with benefits) on the 20th of next week. What is it about the 20th? Everything new seems to happen on the 20th! I even started my last job on the 20th. So anyway I have a stack of papers and books to study and read and sign before I start. Apparently there is a lot paper work in hospital positions. Regardless of all this procedure I have to say I am damn excited to start this job. I am confident in it and once again I am confident in myself.
These last couple months of unemployment have been hard on me. However, I am thankful I went through it. I am thankful because I now know how important working is and how I improve upon myself so much when I am working. It is not just about the money and being financially independent. It is about the feeling of accomplishment. That, even though I am a whole person no matter what my circumstances are; even though I am already worthy because I am just me; I am only me improved when I work for something.
These past few months I have had a lot of time to think. Unfortunately when you have too much time to think you start to disbelieve everything you are thinking about. You start to not believe in yourself. The truth is, no matter what is going on around us we can believe in ourselves and we can believe we are worthy. We don’t need to make a certain amount of money to be worthy. We don’t need to look a certain way to be worthy. We don’t have to be better than someone else to be worthy. We are worthy just because of who we are. It took me a long time to realize that. It took going into the “hole” again and struggling to climb back out.
I wrote before how I was still not sure where I was going. At first, I felt inadequate because I am 23 and I still am unsure of my future endeavors. The truth is, who the hell knows where they are going? My brother was going to be a professor as of last year when he was going into his marriage. Now he has dumped that idea and is going back into the corporate world. My grandfather went though countless jobs until he found his ground at the age of 50! My mom had two children before she decided what she wanted to do. I have many friends who are still feeling their way around different dreams. At least now I have a grasp of what my talent is. Now all I have to do is improve upon that (good advice from a friend) and the pieces will fall where they are supposed to. For now, I am happy working at the hospital, bringing a smile to faces of women who might need the outside help. I am happy just being me…good and bad, confident and vulnerable, imperfect and yet perfect at the same time.
I have a few plans in mind. I want to be financially independent by the end of the year. Yup, that’s right, no gas money, no nothing. I want to move out and I want to continue working toward my degree while at the same time working. Most importantly I want to continue believing in my talent and myself. Because, that is all we can really strive for…belief.
" I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel. A free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope." - Red - Shawshank.
"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies." - Andy - Shawshank.
I just got home from being poked prodded and watched while peeing in a cup (well almost watched.) I was not even aloud to flush the damn toilet until the nurse came in and took my cup of pee from me. That was nice.
So I start my new job, (my well paying, real ob with benefits) on the 20th of next week. What is it about the 20th? Everything new seems to happen on the 20th! I even started my last job on the 20th. So anyway I have a stack of papers and books to study and read and sign before I start. Apparently there is a lot paper work in hospital positions. Regardless of all this procedure I have to say I am damn excited to start this job. I am confident in it and once again I am confident in myself.
These last couple months of unemployment have been hard on me. However, I am thankful I went through it. I am thankful because I now know how important working is and how I improve upon myself so much when I am working. It is not just about the money and being financially independent. It is about the feeling of accomplishment. That, even though I am a whole person no matter what my circumstances are; even though I am already worthy because I am just me; I am only me improved when I work for something.
These past few months I have had a lot of time to think. Unfortunately when you have too much time to think you start to disbelieve everything you are thinking about. You start to not believe in yourself. The truth is, no matter what is going on around us we can believe in ourselves and we can believe we are worthy. We don’t need to make a certain amount of money to be worthy. We don’t need to look a certain way to be worthy. We don’t have to be better than someone else to be worthy. We are worthy just because of who we are. It took me a long time to realize that. It took going into the “hole” again and struggling to climb back out.
I wrote before how I was still not sure where I was going. At first, I felt inadequate because I am 23 and I still am unsure of my future endeavors. The truth is, who the hell knows where they are going? My brother was going to be a professor as of last year when he was going into his marriage. Now he has dumped that idea and is going back into the corporate world. My grandfather went though countless jobs until he found his ground at the age of 50! My mom had two children before she decided what she wanted to do. I have many friends who are still feeling their way around different dreams. At least now I have a grasp of what my talent is. Now all I have to do is improve upon that (good advice from a friend) and the pieces will fall where they are supposed to. For now, I am happy working at the hospital, bringing a smile to faces of women who might need the outside help. I am happy just being me…good and bad, confident and vulnerable, imperfect and yet perfect at the same time.
I have a few plans in mind. I want to be financially independent by the end of the year. Yup, that’s right, no gas money, no nothing. I want to move out and I want to continue working toward my degree while at the same time working. Most importantly I want to continue believing in my talent and myself. Because, that is all we can really strive for…belief.
" I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel. A free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope." - Red - Shawshank.
"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies." - Andy - Shawshank.
Why being employed is more than just making money...
I just got home from being poked prodded and watched while peeing in a cup (well almost watched.) I was not even aloud to flush the damn toilet until the nurse came in and took my cup of pee from me. That was nice.
So I start my new job, (my well paying, real ob with benefits) on the 20th of next week. What is it about the 20th? Everything new seems to happen on the 20th! I even started my last job on the 20th. So anyway I have a stack of papers and books to study and read and sign before I start. Apparently there is a lot paper work in hospital positions. Regardless of all this procedure I have to say I am damn excited to start this job. I am confident in it and once again I am confident in myself.
These last couple months of unemployment have been hard on me. However, I am thankful I went through it. I am thankful because I now know how important working is and how I improve upon myself so much when I am working. It is not just about the money and being financially independent. It is about the feeling of accomplishment. That, even though I am a whole person no matter what my circumstances are; even though I am already worthy because I am just me; I am only me improved when I work for something.
These past few months I have had a lot of time to think. Unfortunately when you have too much time to think you start to disbelieve everything you are thinking about. You start to not believe in yourself. The truth is, no matter what is going on around us we can believe in ourselves and we can believe we are worthy. We don’t need to make a certain amount of money to be worthy. We don’t need to look a certain way to be worthy. We don’t have to be better than someone else to be worthy. We are worthy just because of who we are. It took me a long time to realize that. It took going into the “hole” again and struggling to climb back out.
I wrote before how I was still not sure where I was going. At first, I felt inadequate because I am 23 and I still am unsure of my future endeavors. The truth is, who the hell knows where they are going? My brother was going to be a professor as of last year when he was going into his marriage. Now he has dumped that idea and is going back into the corporate world. My grandfather went though countless jobs until he found his ground at the age of 50! My mom had two children before she decided what she wanted to do. I have many friends who are still feeling their way around different dreams. At least now I have a grasp of what my talent is. Now all I have to do is improve upon that (good advice from a friend) and the pieces will fall where they are supposed to. For now, I am happy working at the hospital, bringing a smile to faces of women who might need the outside help. I am happy just being me…good and bad, confident and vulnerable, imperfect and yet perfect at the same time.
I have a few plans in mind. I want to be financially independent by the end of the year. Yup, that’s right, no gas money, no nothing. I want to move out and I want to continue working toward my degree while at the same time working. Most importantly I want to continue believing in my talent and myself. Because, that is all we can really strive for…belief.
" I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel. A free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope." - Red - Shawshank.
"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies." - Andy - Shawshank.
I just got home from being poked prodded and watched while peeing in a cup (well almost watched.) I was not even aloud to flush the damn toilet until the nurse came in and took my cup of pee from me. That was nice.
So I start my new job, (my well paying, real ob with benefits) on the 20th of next week. What is it about the 20th? Everything new seems to happen on the 20th! I even started my last job on the 20th. So anyway I have a stack of papers and books to study and read and sign before I start. Apparently there is a lot paper work in hospital positions. Regardless of all this procedure I have to say I am damn excited to start this job. I am confident in it and once again I am confident in myself.
These last couple months of unemployment have been hard on me. However, I am thankful I went through it. I am thankful because I now know how important working is and how I improve upon myself so much when I am working. It is not just about the money and being financially independent. It is about the feeling of accomplishment. That, even though I am a whole person no matter what my circumstances are; even though I am already worthy because I am just me; I am only me improved when I work for something.
These past few months I have had a lot of time to think. Unfortunately when you have too much time to think you start to disbelieve everything you are thinking about. You start to not believe in yourself. The truth is, no matter what is going on around us we can believe in ourselves and we can believe we are worthy. We don’t need to make a certain amount of money to be worthy. We don’t need to look a certain way to be worthy. We don’t have to be better than someone else to be worthy. We are worthy just because of who we are. It took me a long time to realize that. It took going into the “hole” again and struggling to climb back out.
I wrote before how I was still not sure where I was going. At first, I felt inadequate because I am 23 and I still am unsure of my future endeavors. The truth is, who the hell knows where they are going? My brother was going to be a professor as of last year when he was going into his marriage. Now he has dumped that idea and is going back into the corporate world. My grandfather went though countless jobs until he found his ground at the age of 50! My mom had two children before she decided what she wanted to do. I have many friends who are still feeling their way around different dreams. At least now I have a grasp of what my talent is. Now all I have to do is improve upon that (good advice from a friend) and the pieces will fall where they are supposed to. For now, I am happy working at the hospital, bringing a smile to faces of women who might need the outside help. I am happy just being me…good and bad, confident and vulnerable, imperfect and yet perfect at the same time.
I have a few plans in mind. I want to be financially independent by the end of the year. Yup, that’s right, no gas money, no nothing. I want to move out and I want to continue working toward my degree while at the same time working. Most importantly I want to continue believing in my talent and myself. Because, that is all we can really strive for…belief.
" I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel. A free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope." - Red - Shawshank.
"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies." - Andy - Shawshank.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Why do people love what they love?
My father is obsessed with Sherlock Holmes and biblical history. He has a stamp collection to rival most and is like a kid in a candy store at any model train retailer. My brother gets all warm and fuzzy when it comes to his computers, electronics and REM. My grandfather also treats anything electric like a toy. My boyfriend has a baseball card and memorabilia collection like none I have ever seen. He has enough magazines to cover his entire floor and Fox news is on 24 hours a day. My sister-in-law loves cats, cartoons and children’s books. Me? Well I get orgasmic over many a thing. I am an expert on all Buffy trivia. I have read certain books too many times to count (count of Monte Cristo, Hitchhiker’s Guide, Harry Potter, and anything Neil Gaiman). I love makeup and clothes and anything to do with philosophy and psychology. I believe music can change the soul. Was this all learned? Are we born with certain genes that tell us what we will have attachments to? Nature or Nurture? Perhaps if I play Beatles music 24 hours a day when I am pregnant one day I will give birth to a Beatle maniac. I happen to believe attachments to certain things or types of things is a good thing. I have to wonder though if these attachments are what make us who we are. Anyone that knows me knows what my attachments are. They define me. My musical taste defines me. My affinity for certain genres defines me. I know what “type” of people read Gaiman. I know what type of person loves Buffy the Vampire Slayer and listens to REM all day. Really, no matter how much one would try to hide it, what we love really does define who we are. Maybe people love what they love because they feel the need to be unique. One cannot simply state she is a Rachel or he is a Joe. In order to be unique one has to be “that guy” who is obsessed with….(fill in the blank here). However, at least it gives us something outside ourselves to be in love with. Essentially, loving Star Wars just might mean you are not a narcissist.
My father is obsessed with Sherlock Holmes and biblical history. He has a stamp collection to rival most and is like a kid in a candy store at any model train retailer. My brother gets all warm and fuzzy when it comes to his computers, electronics and REM. My grandfather also treats anything electric like a toy. My boyfriend has a baseball card and memorabilia collection like none I have ever seen. He has enough magazines to cover his entire floor and Fox news is on 24 hours a day. My sister-in-law loves cats, cartoons and children’s books. Me? Well I get orgasmic over many a thing. I am an expert on all Buffy trivia. I have read certain books too many times to count (count of Monte Cristo, Hitchhiker’s Guide, Harry Potter, and anything Neil Gaiman). I love makeup and clothes and anything to do with philosophy and psychology. I believe music can change the soul. Was this all learned? Are we born with certain genes that tell us what we will have attachments to? Nature or Nurture? Perhaps if I play Beatles music 24 hours a day when I am pregnant one day I will give birth to a Beatle maniac. I happen to believe attachments to certain things or types of things is a good thing. I have to wonder though if these attachments are what make us who we are. Anyone that knows me knows what my attachments are. They define me. My musical taste defines me. My affinity for certain genres defines me. I know what “type” of people read Gaiman. I know what type of person loves Buffy the Vampire Slayer and listens to REM all day. Really, no matter how much one would try to hide it, what we love really does define who we are. Maybe people love what they love because they feel the need to be unique. One cannot simply state she is a Rachel or he is a Joe. In order to be unique one has to be “that guy” who is obsessed with….(fill in the blank here). However, at least it gives us something outside ourselves to be in love with. Essentially, loving Star Wars just might mean you are not a narcissist.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
I applied for four jobs today. Someone has to bite. I also spoke with my counselor at school about what my plan is going to be for the next year. It is now official; my major is communications. Say goodbye to English. I figure it took Ethan 15 applications to get two bites so all I really have to do is keep throwing things out there and someone is going to play catch. I feel better though because at least SOMETHING is getting accomplished. I feel like the ball is finally rolling. I remember when Ethan went through his five months of pure hell, in the months right before his wedding no less. He was depressed and torn up and even had no job. I look at him now, getting through his masters and having people interested in him as an employee. I look at him now as happy and feeling good about himself and that gives me hope. It gives me hope about my future. I picture myself graduating with my degree and having people notice my work and my writing. I know there is a perfect job out there for me; maybe it just does not exist yet. I see people all around me getting jobs that seem to come out of nowhere. Ethan with the bites he is getting, my mother got her job after a big low point (losing ones job because a bunch of Arthur Anderson employees lied is a low point in my book), Josh becoming the editor of a magazine he used to write for for free, finally getting to kiss being a waiter goodbye…in a way it is like getting discovered. All you really have to do is put yourself out there, be aggressive to the point of annoying and someone will take you. I feel optimistic today. I have my points of insecurity that creep in but something inside me keeps shoving that away, telling me I am worth it and I am worth having it all. I am reminded of a prayer I know by heart. It is not really a prayer but rather a reminder one can say to him or herself whenever doubt creeps in. I used to have it by my bed so I could read it every morning when I woke up:
Good morning,
This is God.
I will be handling
All of your
Problems today.
I will not need
Your help, so have
A miraculous day.
And with that I leave the bad feelings behind and venture off to become whatever it is I am supposed to become.
Good morning,
This is God.
I will be handling
All of your
Problems today.
I will not need
Your help, so have
A miraculous day.
And with that I leave the bad feelings behind and venture off to become whatever it is I am supposed to become.
Take me out to the ballgame....
Last night I went with Josh to the first Angels game of the season. I have to admit; while I am no baseball geek I was pretty excited to go. My memories of Angels games stem all the way back when I was a young girl who had no clue what the game was about but rather went to have fun and get cotton candy. I know a little more now, not much mind you, but at least I know how the game is played. I can actually follow a game where as before it was a fun social event. So last night we went, my first opening game and my first game in about a year. Tamara Gray sang the national anthem that was capped off by two fighter planes flying overhead. Nothing could be cooler than that. The game was fun and, besides tennis, one of the only non-boring games out there. Now, in no way am I a sports freak but I have to give some sports some credit. Baseball is truly “America’s pastime.” It has been around and stuck around through everything. Tennis is the ultimate singles sport in my opinion. It is pure “Zen” meaning that to be great you have to have exceptional mental AND physical focus at the same time. With tennis everything has to be in sync. Hockey is another sport I can respect. Hockey is the sport where with no talent you just get killed, simple as that. Football and other napoleon complex sports are just something I can’t watch. It is like watching a bunch of animals see who can hit the other the hardest. It just seems too Neanderthal to me…but that’s just me.
Now last night, Josh explained to me the system behind batting averages. Now to me if someone averages at anything as less than half, they suck in my book. This was until I learned that anything above a 300 batting average was considered good and the actual record was somewhere around .406, which is still less than half! However, compared to everyone else, that average is exceptional. He explained that hitting a ball coming at you at 100mph with a stick is one of the hardest things to do in sports. While this is probably true, to prove my point, which I always need to do, I explained how hard it was to grab your leg up to your hear while making a 360 degree turn on the tip toe of the other foot, and doing that 360 rotation a total of three times without bringing your leg or your heel down. Of course, I was then told dancing is not a sport. Well, dear friends, dancing is a sport. However, I won’t get into that now. Bottom line is, parts of baseball impress me, and it is not just the cool hot dogs and ice cream in helmets. I guess I can appreciate the art surrounding the game. This does not mean I will follow the game; I am more of a spectator’s spectator. But, it does mean I get the passion that goes with it. Plus, the planes are just too cool.
P.S. No one has guessed any of my favorite songs. Either you are all stumped or just damn lazy!!
Last night I went with Josh to the first Angels game of the season. I have to admit; while I am no baseball geek I was pretty excited to go. My memories of Angels games stem all the way back when I was a young girl who had no clue what the game was about but rather went to have fun and get cotton candy. I know a little more now, not much mind you, but at least I know how the game is played. I can actually follow a game where as before it was a fun social event. So last night we went, my first opening game and my first game in about a year. Tamara Gray sang the national anthem that was capped off by two fighter planes flying overhead. Nothing could be cooler than that. The game was fun and, besides tennis, one of the only non-boring games out there. Now, in no way am I a sports freak but I have to give some sports some credit. Baseball is truly “America’s pastime.” It has been around and stuck around through everything. Tennis is the ultimate singles sport in my opinion. It is pure “Zen” meaning that to be great you have to have exceptional mental AND physical focus at the same time. With tennis everything has to be in sync. Hockey is another sport I can respect. Hockey is the sport where with no talent you just get killed, simple as that. Football and other napoleon complex sports are just something I can’t watch. It is like watching a bunch of animals see who can hit the other the hardest. It just seems too Neanderthal to me…but that’s just me.
Now last night, Josh explained to me the system behind batting averages. Now to me if someone averages at anything as less than half, they suck in my book. This was until I learned that anything above a 300 batting average was considered good and the actual record was somewhere around .406, which is still less than half! However, compared to everyone else, that average is exceptional. He explained that hitting a ball coming at you at 100mph with a stick is one of the hardest things to do in sports. While this is probably true, to prove my point, which I always need to do, I explained how hard it was to grab your leg up to your hear while making a 360 degree turn on the tip toe of the other foot, and doing that 360 rotation a total of three times without bringing your leg or your heel down. Of course, I was then told dancing is not a sport. Well, dear friends, dancing is a sport. However, I won’t get into that now. Bottom line is, parts of baseball impress me, and it is not just the cool hot dogs and ice cream in helmets. I guess I can appreciate the art surrounding the game. This does not mean I will follow the game; I am more of a spectator’s spectator. But, it does mean I get the passion that goes with it. Plus, the planes are just too cool.
P.S. No one has guessed any of my favorite songs. Either you are all stumped or just damn lazy!!
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
A little Game to pass the time...
A good idea from my friend Frannie’s blog (www.onthestarboard.com). I write down my top 20 bands and musicians and you try to guess what my favorite songs are by each. And away we go….
1. The Beatles
2. R.E.M
3. INXS
4. The Beach Boys
5. Gomez
6. Eels
7. Rufus Wainwright
8. Elliot Smith
9. The Verve
10. The Delgados
11. Radiohead
12. Tracy Chapman
13. The Decemberists
14. Travis
15. Simon and Garfunkel
16. Grant lee Phillips
17. Queen
18. Jackson Browne
19. Prince
20. Van Morrison
Happy guessing!!!
A good idea from my friend Frannie’s blog (www.onthestarboard.com). I write down my top 20 bands and musicians and you try to guess what my favorite songs are by each. And away we go….
1. The Beatles
2. R.E.M
3. INXS
4. The Beach Boys
5. Gomez
6. Eels
7. Rufus Wainwright
8. Elliot Smith
9. The Verve
10. The Delgados
11. Radiohead
12. Tracy Chapman
13. The Decemberists
14. Travis
15. Simon and Garfunkel
16. Grant lee Phillips
17. Queen
18. Jackson Browne
19. Prince
20. Van Morrison
Happy guessing!!!
Monday, April 04, 2005
Missing in Action
I have not written anything the past couple of weeks. I have been in a funk. A low point. I depressed, no fun, zone that I seem to be finally coming out of. I can’t say what exactly brought it on. Lets call it a snowball effect. One thing “seems” wrong and before you know it, you feel like this small insecure puddle. I did not have a job and the combination of feeling worthless from that mixed with too much time on my hands to over think everything and I was a weepy mess.
I went to the Starbucks job fair today and a prominent jewelry maker is interested in me doing some part time work. Both or none of these can work out but I am hoping for both. I am feeling better today…good in fact. I think I just started to take my own advice. I looked at what I have in my life. I have great parents, great friends and a great boyfriend. I have ideas and even if they are not reality yet, at least I have the ideas. I have a support system and I have, ehhh, great taste in music. ;) Sometimes we all get down in the slumps, but it is with the support we have we can get out of it ok. Here’s the thing though; we have to want to feel good in order to feel good. Sometimes we get comfortable feeling bad about ourselves and then we feel guilty for feeling bad and feel worse. We start a vicious cycle. Sometimes we just have to say, “some things are shitty, but some things are good…let’s focus on the good.” Insecurity and depression breeds’ insecurity and depression. It does not matter what it is about. No job. Your face breaking out. A friend pissing you off. There is only one way out…to climb out of the hole and slowly trek through the mud and soon you will be back to the state of mind you were before….happy. :)
I have not written anything the past couple of weeks. I have been in a funk. A low point. I depressed, no fun, zone that I seem to be finally coming out of. I can’t say what exactly brought it on. Lets call it a snowball effect. One thing “seems” wrong and before you know it, you feel like this small insecure puddle. I did not have a job and the combination of feeling worthless from that mixed with too much time on my hands to over think everything and I was a weepy mess.
I went to the Starbucks job fair today and a prominent jewelry maker is interested in me doing some part time work. Both or none of these can work out but I am hoping for both. I am feeling better today…good in fact. I think I just started to take my own advice. I looked at what I have in my life. I have great parents, great friends and a great boyfriend. I have ideas and even if they are not reality yet, at least I have the ideas. I have a support system and I have, ehhh, great taste in music. ;) Sometimes we all get down in the slumps, but it is with the support we have we can get out of it ok. Here’s the thing though; we have to want to feel good in order to feel good. Sometimes we get comfortable feeling bad about ourselves and then we feel guilty for feeling bad and feel worse. We start a vicious cycle. Sometimes we just have to say, “some things are shitty, but some things are good…let’s focus on the good.” Insecurity and depression breeds’ insecurity and depression. It does not matter what it is about. No job. Your face breaking out. A friend pissing you off. There is only one way out…to climb out of the hole and slowly trek through the mud and soon you will be back to the state of mind you were before….happy. :)
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
I hate salesmen. I was one for a week.
You can be a “salesmen” in real life and just suck at it when you actually have to make money doing it. Let’s go into this further.
I was just in a sales job for a grand total of a week before I had to quit to hold onto the fraction of dignity I had left. I went into selling cell phones. You know those obnoxious people at mall kiosks that shout at you as you are having a nice walk to the nearest Nordstroms? Yeah I was one of those. For the record I did not sell a single phone in the five days that I worked. I was too nice. I saw the people from their side, that really they did not need a new phone today…and that was ok. This is not the attitude one has to have if they are to venture into the world of sales. The weird thing is I can “sell” anything in real life.
I grew up able to convince my parents I needed anything. I really “needed” those new jeans. I “needed” a new car. I even convinced my whole family we just had to go to Aruba even though I had gone just six months prior. Why was I so good at it? Well the only answer I can think of is that if one really wants something they will find a way to get it. Add into the fact my uncanny ability to read peoples emotions and, there ya go, I could sell anything. I just could not anything I did not really care about.
The cell phone business is a toughy. You only get paid commission if you sell a certain about of phones. If not, it is minimum wage for you. It is the type of business where one does not need an education to make a decent living, they just need to know how to hustle. So what this means if every single person I was employed with was of the uneducated, thug like, people who actually use the words, “I’ve got baby mama drama” and greet customers by saying, “wut up foo”. It was inevitable that I would not stay there.
So once again, after just a week, I am unemployed. The good news is I might have some writing gigs coming up (unpaid but writing nonetheless). I also have a chance to get hired at the one and only Starbucks! Now this might not seem like a fabulous and exciting job. But, it does put some money in my pocket and gives me a chance to actually talk to people without having to sell them something. I don’t have to lay out reasons why they need that double frap in their hands so I can just be my nice ole’ self. We shall see how it goes. For now I am biding my time with working on writing samples, and being a good housedaughter, cooking wonderful meals and all.
You can be a “salesmen” in real life and just suck at it when you actually have to make money doing it. Let’s go into this further.
I was just in a sales job for a grand total of a week before I had to quit to hold onto the fraction of dignity I had left. I went into selling cell phones. You know those obnoxious people at mall kiosks that shout at you as you are having a nice walk to the nearest Nordstroms? Yeah I was one of those. For the record I did not sell a single phone in the five days that I worked. I was too nice. I saw the people from their side, that really they did not need a new phone today…and that was ok. This is not the attitude one has to have if they are to venture into the world of sales. The weird thing is I can “sell” anything in real life.
I grew up able to convince my parents I needed anything. I really “needed” those new jeans. I “needed” a new car. I even convinced my whole family we just had to go to Aruba even though I had gone just six months prior. Why was I so good at it? Well the only answer I can think of is that if one really wants something they will find a way to get it. Add into the fact my uncanny ability to read peoples emotions and, there ya go, I could sell anything. I just could not anything I did not really care about.
The cell phone business is a toughy. You only get paid commission if you sell a certain about of phones. If not, it is minimum wage for you. It is the type of business where one does not need an education to make a decent living, they just need to know how to hustle. So what this means if every single person I was employed with was of the uneducated, thug like, people who actually use the words, “I’ve got baby mama drama” and greet customers by saying, “wut up foo”. It was inevitable that I would not stay there.
So once again, after just a week, I am unemployed. The good news is I might have some writing gigs coming up (unpaid but writing nonetheless). I also have a chance to get hired at the one and only Starbucks! Now this might not seem like a fabulous and exciting job. But, it does put some money in my pocket and gives me a chance to actually talk to people without having to sell them something. I don’t have to lay out reasons why they need that double frap in their hands so I can just be my nice ole’ self. We shall see how it goes. For now I am biding my time with working on writing samples, and being a good housedaughter, cooking wonderful meals and all.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Is Geek the new Chic??
Ever since America fell in love with Seth Cohen, the adorable if slightly self indulgent geeky guy from Orange County, geeks have become the new fashion accessory to the fashionably inclined, gym going, pretty, if slightly arrogant, females of the American youth. We like our guys quirky, we like their hobbies to include weird obsessions with comic books, Star Wars, and indie movies. Undone hair is the new style and metrosexuals are on their way out. The question is, is all the weird obsessions and quirks reserved only for the geeks? American television seems to think so.
My boyfriend is a really big geek. Now gather he is a sexy geek but a geek nonetheless. I find myself learning more about comics than I ever cared to in the past. I am going to some Vulgarthon film festival in which I get to sit all day and watch geek movies whilst wearing a cool geek t-shirt just like all the other geeks in the room. I get to learn about the wonders and greatness of baseball card collecting while looking at a collection that fills an entire walk in closet. I get to hear about how by dating me; my boyfriend is breaking the “after Empire” rule that he and his buddies made up back in the day. Translation: I was born after Empire Strikes Back and they all made a pact not to date anyone that young. Yes their deal breaker was a Star Wars movie. Somehow, I love this man.
Then there is me. I love to shop. I love shopping like nothing else. Shopping can be therapy, a nice outing with a friend, a chance to make you feel good for a few hours, and even good old-fashioned escapism. I love literature but many times you will find me on a Sunday afternoon reading cheesy romance novels like the “Shopoholics” series and, “Bridget Jones Diary.” I love romantic movies and cheesy television shows. Now my favorite show in the world was Buffy the Vampire Slayer. However, I never reached the Buffy geek status by attending the various festivals around the country. I don’t belong to any clubs. I have no obsessions that I know of. I like what I like. I love what I love. I know what I know. Nothing takes up much time in my head. I think this might be what separates the geeks from the other people. Summer (The OC again) had no obsessions like Seth did. All she had was Princess Sparkle. Oh I have my special toys no doubt but, like Summer, I am not so obsessed with something that an outsider could tell I was obsessed with it by looking at my belongings. A part of me gets mad that pop culture only gives those “geeks” cool things to love and relishes in making the rest look like shallow cocky bitches (or assholes). Yet part of me sees some truth in the fiction. So where is the attraction?
This Summer/Seth dynamic seems to be a growing trend nowadays. The geeky guy is now appealing. The indie rock nerd, the comic book junkie, and the sci-fi geek all seem sexier. Maybe it seems they have more depth than the average beer guzzling, pot-smoking loser out there. Opposites are attracting. I don’t know a thing about baseball or comics and I have never seen Star Wars (although I remember a scene with cute furry animals from my childhood so I could have caught part of it). Yet, I am in a relationship with a geek as so many women today are. No one wants the Ryan or the Luke. They want the Seth. Seth is the new cool. Seth is the new sexy. God help us all.
Ever since America fell in love with Seth Cohen, the adorable if slightly self indulgent geeky guy from Orange County, geeks have become the new fashion accessory to the fashionably inclined, gym going, pretty, if slightly arrogant, females of the American youth. We like our guys quirky, we like their hobbies to include weird obsessions with comic books, Star Wars, and indie movies. Undone hair is the new style and metrosexuals are on their way out. The question is, is all the weird obsessions and quirks reserved only for the geeks? American television seems to think so.
My boyfriend is a really big geek. Now gather he is a sexy geek but a geek nonetheless. I find myself learning more about comics than I ever cared to in the past. I am going to some Vulgarthon film festival in which I get to sit all day and watch geek movies whilst wearing a cool geek t-shirt just like all the other geeks in the room. I get to learn about the wonders and greatness of baseball card collecting while looking at a collection that fills an entire walk in closet. I get to hear about how by dating me; my boyfriend is breaking the “after Empire” rule that he and his buddies made up back in the day. Translation: I was born after Empire Strikes Back and they all made a pact not to date anyone that young. Yes their deal breaker was a Star Wars movie. Somehow, I love this man.
Then there is me. I love to shop. I love shopping like nothing else. Shopping can be therapy, a nice outing with a friend, a chance to make you feel good for a few hours, and even good old-fashioned escapism. I love literature but many times you will find me on a Sunday afternoon reading cheesy romance novels like the “Shopoholics” series and, “Bridget Jones Diary.” I love romantic movies and cheesy television shows. Now my favorite show in the world was Buffy the Vampire Slayer. However, I never reached the Buffy geek status by attending the various festivals around the country. I don’t belong to any clubs. I have no obsessions that I know of. I like what I like. I love what I love. I know what I know. Nothing takes up much time in my head. I think this might be what separates the geeks from the other people. Summer (The OC again) had no obsessions like Seth did. All she had was Princess Sparkle. Oh I have my special toys no doubt but, like Summer, I am not so obsessed with something that an outsider could tell I was obsessed with it by looking at my belongings. A part of me gets mad that pop culture only gives those “geeks” cool things to love and relishes in making the rest look like shallow cocky bitches (or assholes). Yet part of me sees some truth in the fiction. So where is the attraction?
This Summer/Seth dynamic seems to be a growing trend nowadays. The geeky guy is now appealing. The indie rock nerd, the comic book junkie, and the sci-fi geek all seem sexier. Maybe it seems they have more depth than the average beer guzzling, pot-smoking loser out there. Opposites are attracting. I don’t know a thing about baseball or comics and I have never seen Star Wars (although I remember a scene with cute furry animals from my childhood so I could have caught part of it). Yet, I am in a relationship with a geek as so many women today are. No one wants the Ryan or the Luke. They want the Seth. Seth is the new cool. Seth is the new sexy. God help us all.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Without a plan, passion goes nowhere.
In light of recent events and various discussions on my boyfriends recent birthday milestone, I have come to wonder what distinguishes my generation, the oddly named Generation Y, from the other generations of kids and adults that pop culture has clumped together in order to make sense of some things we just might not be able to make sense of.
Josh wrote in his blog at JoshuaStecker.com, that his generation, Generation X was clumped together by the fact that they were all products of the “baby boomers” and, unlike their parents before them, went out on their own, doing everything from family, marriage, and careers differently. They started their own businesses, many times before they even finished their General Education requirements. Generation X’ers did not follow the guidelines of going to college, getting a job with enough money to support a future family, getting married and having 2.5 children. They did it their own way.
So where does that leave my generation? Specifically where does that leave the women of my generation? While X’er women were hell bent on becoming top profile career women, the women of my generation seem to, and there are always exceptions, want to settle down early, have kids early, and only have jobs that would allot enough time to raise those kids by themselves. Even if you just take a look at the young women celebrities of my generation you can see the pattern. Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears were both married by the ages of 23. Christina Aguilera is engaged. Brandy is already a mother (and already divorced). It would seem we are making our own new generation modeled after the simplistic ideals of the 1950s. Now, does this mean we are regressing or just progressing in a different way?
What else makes my generation so different? Well that remains to be seen. I do know that we seem to hover between the wanting to grow up and start a family and the fear of growing up which results in taking a slow ride through college whilst still living at home for fear of being totally on our own, financially and otherwise.
All these ideas combined with the fact that, being in between jobs, I have a lot of time to think about things, makes me really contemplate my future and what it is exactly I want. It is a given that I want the children and the cute house I can call my own, but what is it I want when it comes to my future career? People start thinking about, “what they want to be when they grow up” starting when they are tiny little tots. I know I did. In the span of my lifetime I have wanted to be: a dancer, an actress, a model, a magician, an astronaut, a teacher, a writer, photographer, journalist, lawyer (yeah I know tough to imagine), and a makeup artist. What has come out of this you might ask? Well, I went to acting camp, I love posing for pictures, I danced competitively for 18 years, I taught dance for 6 years, I know a few magic tricks, I am pretty good at arguing, I take some awesome pictures, I know my way around a dark room, I love writing and sometimes can be good at it, I know some things about the stars, and do all my friends makeup pretty well. What has not come out of this….well anything really; except for at 23 I can consider myself a “Jane of all trades.”
At the moment I am left with a shitload of questions about what it is I really want to do with my future. Like so many Y’ers it is true I want the hubby with the house and the kids. But my passions also follow other directions. I want a career I genuinely love. I want to make money so I don’t have to totally rely on a husband or my family. The problem is I am at the age where I have to make a decision. I can’t decide I want to do something, learn all I can about it, and give it up in a few years because I no longer have that interest. I need to pick a focus and stay there and what I fear is I pick the wrong one. I am in college right now, taking my sweet time like many kids my age. My major is now English/Communications and my focus is on journalism. As of now, I would love to be a writer for a magazine and work on writing books on the side. However, there is always that fear of whether or not I am good enough to be a successful writer or if I should just knock it out as another one of my “hobbies” and choose something I know I would be good at all the while making some sort of income. I thought about being a teacher and could always work on my writing on the side that way. But am I just being safe with that decision? What I need is structure. What I need is a plan. However, I have always been the Queen of the no planning group and find it hard to come up with any sort of structure.
I had written before about not knowing what my talent is. Well truth be told, I know I do have talent in many things. My problem is my one lack of talent lies in my ability to find a career type job, get the proper training and education to get it, and just get it. Maybe my problem is I have a hard time picturing myself as a true financially responsible adult. I know I can get there I just don’t have a plan yet. All I know is right now is when I have to decide what the hell it is I am going to do for the rest of my life. I know what I love. I know what my passions are. I know what I am good at. I just need to figure out what that adds up to, what “career” that translates to. Seriously…I don’t know where I am going, but I know I’m going somewhere.
In light of recent events and various discussions on my boyfriends recent birthday milestone, I have come to wonder what distinguishes my generation, the oddly named Generation Y, from the other generations of kids and adults that pop culture has clumped together in order to make sense of some things we just might not be able to make sense of.
Josh wrote in his blog at JoshuaStecker.com, that his generation, Generation X was clumped together by the fact that they were all products of the “baby boomers” and, unlike their parents before them, went out on their own, doing everything from family, marriage, and careers differently. They started their own businesses, many times before they even finished their General Education requirements. Generation X’ers did not follow the guidelines of going to college, getting a job with enough money to support a future family, getting married and having 2.5 children. They did it their own way.
So where does that leave my generation? Specifically where does that leave the women of my generation? While X’er women were hell bent on becoming top profile career women, the women of my generation seem to, and there are always exceptions, want to settle down early, have kids early, and only have jobs that would allot enough time to raise those kids by themselves. Even if you just take a look at the young women celebrities of my generation you can see the pattern. Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears were both married by the ages of 23. Christina Aguilera is engaged. Brandy is already a mother (and already divorced). It would seem we are making our own new generation modeled after the simplistic ideals of the 1950s. Now, does this mean we are regressing or just progressing in a different way?
What else makes my generation so different? Well that remains to be seen. I do know that we seem to hover between the wanting to grow up and start a family and the fear of growing up which results in taking a slow ride through college whilst still living at home for fear of being totally on our own, financially and otherwise.
All these ideas combined with the fact that, being in between jobs, I have a lot of time to think about things, makes me really contemplate my future and what it is exactly I want. It is a given that I want the children and the cute house I can call my own, but what is it I want when it comes to my future career? People start thinking about, “what they want to be when they grow up” starting when they are tiny little tots. I know I did. In the span of my lifetime I have wanted to be: a dancer, an actress, a model, a magician, an astronaut, a teacher, a writer, photographer, journalist, lawyer (yeah I know tough to imagine), and a makeup artist. What has come out of this you might ask? Well, I went to acting camp, I love posing for pictures, I danced competitively for 18 years, I taught dance for 6 years, I know a few magic tricks, I am pretty good at arguing, I take some awesome pictures, I know my way around a dark room, I love writing and sometimes can be good at it, I know some things about the stars, and do all my friends makeup pretty well. What has not come out of this….well anything really; except for at 23 I can consider myself a “Jane of all trades.”
At the moment I am left with a shitload of questions about what it is I really want to do with my future. Like so many Y’ers it is true I want the hubby with the house and the kids. But my passions also follow other directions. I want a career I genuinely love. I want to make money so I don’t have to totally rely on a husband or my family. The problem is I am at the age where I have to make a decision. I can’t decide I want to do something, learn all I can about it, and give it up in a few years because I no longer have that interest. I need to pick a focus and stay there and what I fear is I pick the wrong one. I am in college right now, taking my sweet time like many kids my age. My major is now English/Communications and my focus is on journalism. As of now, I would love to be a writer for a magazine and work on writing books on the side. However, there is always that fear of whether or not I am good enough to be a successful writer or if I should just knock it out as another one of my “hobbies” and choose something I know I would be good at all the while making some sort of income. I thought about being a teacher and could always work on my writing on the side that way. But am I just being safe with that decision? What I need is structure. What I need is a plan. However, I have always been the Queen of the no planning group and find it hard to come up with any sort of structure.
I had written before about not knowing what my talent is. Well truth be told, I know I do have talent in many things. My problem is my one lack of talent lies in my ability to find a career type job, get the proper training and education to get it, and just get it. Maybe my problem is I have a hard time picturing myself as a true financially responsible adult. I know I can get there I just don’t have a plan yet. All I know is right now is when I have to decide what the hell it is I am going to do for the rest of my life. I know what I love. I know what my passions are. I know what I am good at. I just need to figure out what that adds up to, what “career” that translates to. Seriously…I don’t know where I am going, but I know I’m going somewhere.
Monday, February 14, 2005
I love the holidays. I don’t care how commercial they have become or how cheesy we make them out to be. Holidays are like natural serotonin reuptake inhibitors. People just feel good. So in honor of today’s holiday, which is one of my favorites, I must play tribute.
Valentine’s Day is, to some, a day when even though you know you love your partner 365 days a year, you get to celebrate it for one day like LOVE is it’s own holiday. Christians love Jesus all year but regard Christmas to celebrate his birth. Jew’s love the Torah all year, but celebrate that Torah on one holiday. Simchat Torah. So why do people choose to boycott this holiday when all it is is a good excuse to celebrate the one emotion we could never live without? There are two basic emotions that all other emotions stem from, fear and love. Would you even believe hate stems from love? So today we celebrate that one emotion that is so essential to all of us. No one should be depressed on Valentine’s Day. I know many people think it is depressing if they are single or without a committed significant other. Well this is bullshit. Everyone has somebody that loves him or her. There is always someone who wakes up in the morning and is happy that you were born, that you are in his or her lives, and that you exist exactly as you are. That is the beauty of love; no one is deprived of it.
When I was single, I woke up every Valentine’s Day morning to a new stuffed animal and a token (usually jewelry) from my parents. I know my parents always love me, but today they get to celebrate that special love only a parent can have for their child. That is a Valentine in of itself.
In regards to those “attached” people celebrating the holiday today. I know us women love pretty gifts, fresh flowers, and sparkling jewelry. However, these tokens of affection say more than what people think it really means. Anything from a beautiful diamond necklace to a simple bracelet; from a single flower that you got out of your garden to a vast array of roses say one thing….love. It says, “I Love You” by a symbol. It never really matters what that symbol is. Most of the time women just love that symbol has a simple reminder of her loved one. I have a bear that will always remind me of my parents love. It is the symbol that matters. When Wendy gave Peter Pan a thimble as a “kiss” that thimble would forever more remind her of the love Wendy felt for Peter Pan. It would always remind him of their “kiss.”
So I encourage everyone on this Valentine’s Day to let EVERYONE you love know you love them by just some simple token of affection. Send a stupid bear, a nicely written letter they can save, or some chocolate you know they like. Give them a hug to remember or their favorite flower. Tell them that you not only love them but also love them in your life. Tell them why you love them. Today is about giving and if we all give we all get.
For today I just wanted to let all of my friends, family, and loved ones know how much I love them. I am who I am today because each and every one of you has taught me something unique and special.
Sap session over…
Valentine’s Day is, to some, a day when even though you know you love your partner 365 days a year, you get to celebrate it for one day like LOVE is it’s own holiday. Christians love Jesus all year but regard Christmas to celebrate his birth. Jew’s love the Torah all year, but celebrate that Torah on one holiday. Simchat Torah. So why do people choose to boycott this holiday when all it is is a good excuse to celebrate the one emotion we could never live without? There are two basic emotions that all other emotions stem from, fear and love. Would you even believe hate stems from love? So today we celebrate that one emotion that is so essential to all of us. No one should be depressed on Valentine’s Day. I know many people think it is depressing if they are single or without a committed significant other. Well this is bullshit. Everyone has somebody that loves him or her. There is always someone who wakes up in the morning and is happy that you were born, that you are in his or her lives, and that you exist exactly as you are. That is the beauty of love; no one is deprived of it.
When I was single, I woke up every Valentine’s Day morning to a new stuffed animal and a token (usually jewelry) from my parents. I know my parents always love me, but today they get to celebrate that special love only a parent can have for their child. That is a Valentine in of itself.
In regards to those “attached” people celebrating the holiday today. I know us women love pretty gifts, fresh flowers, and sparkling jewelry. However, these tokens of affection say more than what people think it really means. Anything from a beautiful diamond necklace to a simple bracelet; from a single flower that you got out of your garden to a vast array of roses say one thing….love. It says, “I Love You” by a symbol. It never really matters what that symbol is. Most of the time women just love that symbol has a simple reminder of her loved one. I have a bear that will always remind me of my parents love. It is the symbol that matters. When Wendy gave Peter Pan a thimble as a “kiss” that thimble would forever more remind her of the love Wendy felt for Peter Pan. It would always remind him of their “kiss.”
So I encourage everyone on this Valentine’s Day to let EVERYONE you love know you love them by just some simple token of affection. Send a stupid bear, a nicely written letter they can save, or some chocolate you know they like. Give them a hug to remember or their favorite flower. Tell them that you not only love them but also love them in your life. Tell them why you love them. Today is about giving and if we all give we all get.
For today I just wanted to let all of my friends, family, and loved ones know how much I love them. I am who I am today because each and every one of you has taught me something unique and special.
Sap session over…
Sunday, February 06, 2005
What is my talent? That is the question at hand.
So I can write, but I am nowhere near the ability it takes to be a paid well-respected writer. I can dance. However, I have been untrained for so long, there are countless dancers better than me now. I have a commercial face. But, I am too short to do any type of modeling. I can run a few miles. But, I am too slow and can't run far enough for the marathon. So what is my talent?
I had auditions today to be a dancer for Disneyland. It started with 1,000 girls at 7:30 this morning and by 7:00 at night we were down to just one hundred. I, of course, was one of the last few to get cut, for reasons unknown except for I just was not big enough. But here is the thing. Everyone loved me. I can’t even count the number of, “isn’t she so cute,” “I love your face” and “I love your personality” type comments I got today. These were not just from the choreographers but from the other dancers as well. By the end of the day everyone knew my name and who I was (out of those left from the various cuts we went thorough). So is that my talent then? Is my one weapon for making it in this world the ability to stand out in a crowd? If so, where the hell will that get me? Everyone, I believe, has something about them that they excel in above all other things. Everyone is exceptional at something. My sister-in-law is exceptional at animation. Ethan is pure genius at web development and anything to do with computers. My boyfriend has an uncanny ability to bring a very unique and witty voice to anything he writes. My father is one of the best at what he does. My grandfather is a genius when it comes to business. Ian can sell ice to an Eskimo. Even my mother is exceptional at what she does. Well what can I do? I know philosophy, but I am not philosopher. I am a very good dancer, not enough to make money at it. My writing needs work but I got something going there. Really, I am beginning to wonder if my “talent” is relating to people. I am beginning to think that is my extraordinary gift. I can read others. I can get along with anyone. I stand out in a crowd. People remember who I am. I can listen but I sure as hell can talk for hours. Am I what they call a “people person”? Is there a job that goes with that? Someone just fill me in on what it is I can do, because I am at a loss.
I am no longer depressed about the job situation though. At least I know I can a) get work somehow, even if it is just an atmosphere character and b) work at the many restaurants that seem to be hiring. That is a start. And, where there is a start there sure as hell is an end. This end, I have no clue where or what it will be. Somehow though, someone will see that maybe they need someone who people remember and when that happens, it will be my turn in the spotlight.
So I can write, but I am nowhere near the ability it takes to be a paid well-respected writer. I can dance. However, I have been untrained for so long, there are countless dancers better than me now. I have a commercial face. But, I am too short to do any type of modeling. I can run a few miles. But, I am too slow and can't run far enough for the marathon. So what is my talent?
I had auditions today to be a dancer for Disneyland. It started with 1,000 girls at 7:30 this morning and by 7:00 at night we were down to just one hundred. I, of course, was one of the last few to get cut, for reasons unknown except for I just was not big enough. But here is the thing. Everyone loved me. I can’t even count the number of, “isn’t she so cute,” “I love your face” and “I love your personality” type comments I got today. These were not just from the choreographers but from the other dancers as well. By the end of the day everyone knew my name and who I was (out of those left from the various cuts we went thorough). So is that my talent then? Is my one weapon for making it in this world the ability to stand out in a crowd? If so, where the hell will that get me? Everyone, I believe, has something about them that they excel in above all other things. Everyone is exceptional at something. My sister-in-law is exceptional at animation. Ethan is pure genius at web development and anything to do with computers. My boyfriend has an uncanny ability to bring a very unique and witty voice to anything he writes. My father is one of the best at what he does. My grandfather is a genius when it comes to business. Ian can sell ice to an Eskimo. Even my mother is exceptional at what she does. Well what can I do? I know philosophy, but I am not philosopher. I am a very good dancer, not enough to make money at it. My writing needs work but I got something going there. Really, I am beginning to wonder if my “talent” is relating to people. I am beginning to think that is my extraordinary gift. I can read others. I can get along with anyone. I stand out in a crowd. People remember who I am. I can listen but I sure as hell can talk for hours. Am I what they call a “people person”? Is there a job that goes with that? Someone just fill me in on what it is I can do, because I am at a loss.
I am no longer depressed about the job situation though. At least I know I can a) get work somehow, even if it is just an atmosphere character and b) work at the many restaurants that seem to be hiring. That is a start. And, where there is a start there sure as hell is an end. This end, I have no clue where or what it will be. Somehow though, someone will see that maybe they need someone who people remember and when that happens, it will be my turn in the spotlight.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Jobs, Birthdays, shows....such is life
Last night I went to see Brendan’s show at the Derby. He was, as always, in top form. Check out his bands website at www.thequietband.com. You should all go see his band because one day when they are super famous you can say you saw them way back when.
I started school yesterday, which I was actually quite happy about. This semester I have to read a million books but the books I have to read I really am looking forward to reading.
I have auditions this weekend to be a “cast member” at Disneyland. I think I would be good for the job, being all tiny and cute and smiley. If I don’t make it there, I have a few restaurants I am applying for. All I know is I am sick of not working, of not taking care of myself, and feeling like I am worth nil. This few weeks of unemployment have been more than enough. Let’s just hope I make it.
This month is going to be busy regardless. We have a few shows coming up, such as the Zutons and Cary Brothers. Valentine’s Day is looming around the corner, as is Josh’s birthday. Josh is having a party that weekend but I planned something really cool for the day of his birthday.
I am also planning a visit to Minneapolis soon to see Rachelle for a long weekend. This should be loads of fun because I really miss her, and because I have never been to Minneapolis (not exactly a vacation place.) I just have to wait and see about the job situation before I pick a weekend.
More on it all later. For now I leave you with some words of wisdom…
"The happy person is the one who finds occasions for joy at every step. He does not have to look for them, he just finds them."
-- Ossian Lang
Last night I went to see Brendan’s show at the Derby. He was, as always, in top form. Check out his bands website at www.thequietband.com. You should all go see his band because one day when they are super famous you can say you saw them way back when.
I started school yesterday, which I was actually quite happy about. This semester I have to read a million books but the books I have to read I really am looking forward to reading.
I have auditions this weekend to be a “cast member” at Disneyland. I think I would be good for the job, being all tiny and cute and smiley. If I don’t make it there, I have a few restaurants I am applying for. All I know is I am sick of not working, of not taking care of myself, and feeling like I am worth nil. This few weeks of unemployment have been more than enough. Let’s just hope I make it.
This month is going to be busy regardless. We have a few shows coming up, such as the Zutons and Cary Brothers. Valentine’s Day is looming around the corner, as is Josh’s birthday. Josh is having a party that weekend but I planned something really cool for the day of his birthday.
I am also planning a visit to Minneapolis soon to see Rachelle for a long weekend. This should be loads of fun because I really miss her, and because I have never been to Minneapolis (not exactly a vacation place.) I just have to wait and see about the job situation before I pick a weekend.
More on it all later. For now I leave you with some words of wisdom…
"The happy person is the one who finds occasions for joy at every step. He does not have to look for them, he just finds them."
-- Ossian Lang
Sunday, January 30, 2005
New York New York :)
I could give you all a play by play of my recent trip to New York, but really if I wanted you there with me I would have invited you. Hehe. So, instead I will give some highlights, in the hopes that you will see how in love with that city I really am…despite all it's flaws. In a way New York is like a significant other. You love him/it for what it is. You accept the flaws as part of the person. Sometimes the city might piss you off and other times it makes you the happiest girl alive. Sometimes the city is romantic. And, certain circumstances can bring you to orgasm. My relationship with New York had a great week.
My whole family plus Josh went to Long Island first for my cousin Shane's Bar Mitzvah.
~ Josh survived the family although at times it was looking a bit overwhelming
~ I had a great time with all my young cousins. They are growing up to be beautiful children
~ My Aunt Sherry (Snookie) continued to be a laugh riot and I am pretty sure I saw flirting with my boyfriend.
~ My family proved to be loud, obnoxious, lunatics regardless of what coast they might be on. Add an entire weekend of non-stop alcohol and we had ourselves a real party
Josh and I take on the city
- Wicked - the boyfriend entertains.
- Good Vibrations - the boyfriend can sing
- Walking the city - the boyfriend and you can do not much of anything and still have a great time
- Union Square - the boyfriend has some hidden beauty
- Shopping - the boyfriend treats you to pretty things
- The weather - Yes sometimes the boyfriend can get cold. We all have our faults.
- Central Park - the boyfriend can get romantic
- Snow - the boyfriend sometimes gives you the unexpected
- Museum of Modern Art - the boyfriend teaches you something new
- Meeting Josh's friends - the boyfriend introduces you to new people
I have the say the greatest part about this trip was walking in the city all day long. My past trips involved the prissy girl act of taking cabs everywhere and since Josh just would not have it, we walked everywhere. At times I wanted to kick Josh's ass for doing this, not because I could not walk, but because it was 12 degrees outside and I felt like my face was going to fall off. However, once I got used to being numb I got to just absorb the city. Breathing in the crisp air, people watching, smelling the roasted nuts in the street, passing by all the little shops, and really looking at how unique all the buildings were. It is like a comfortable silence, despite all the noise.
Josh took me around to all his old haunts, mainly Union Square, his old work, to the apartment of his best friend Stacey and her boyfriend Johnny, who were awesome, and the Staten Island Ferry. I loved seeing New York from his perspective because he loves it just as much as I do. He acts like a little kid in a candy shop there which is refreshing.
Our last day in New York Josh and I took a romantic stroll through Central Park, up through Strawberry fields and to the Dakota where we paid our respects to my dear John Lennon. The Dakota, despite being famous for having John die there, is a gorgeous complex. From there we used our last few hours of New York just walking down through Columbus and taking in the atmosphere.
We managed to see two shows while in New York as well. Wicked, which is based on the Gregory Maguire book, and Good Vibrations, which is based on Beach Boys music. Wicked was entertaining but nothing extraordinary. Good Vibrations, which was still in previews, was astounding. I loved every minute of it. Josh student rushed front row tickets so we were so close I could see every little detail. I even got my hand kissed by one of the actors during the finale. : )
I have to say this recent trip to New York was my favorite trip so far. Not only because I got to see my wonderful family, but because I got to just BE in New York as I could be here at home. It was also great being there with Josh, who aside from the city, was also a great boyfriend. However, some things should be kept private.
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