The life we would all want to live....

I come from a huge family. The family is load and unique and could very well be a successful reality television show. Everyone in my family talks more than everyone else. Standing at the top of this family was a man of very few words. My Great Grandfather Jim liked to sit there, at the head of the table, and smile at all the crazy people in my family as if thinking, "Look what I have created."

Now he is gone forever...

Whenever he would look at me I felt he had a special smile reserved only as our little secret. Maybe, it is because he saw a little bit of my late Great Grandma Rose in me. Maybe he just thought I was special. Period.

When he did speak it was short, concise and always right. He was a personnel wisdom machine.

Last Tuesday my Great Grandfather was taken from me suddenly. He had been on dialysis for the past two years and his body just had enough. Blood thinners made it so he could not clot properly and on that Tuesday morning God took him away.

The New York family flew out here immediately and Thursday was an intimate funeral where he was buried next to my Great Grandma Rose. One of his last wishes was to be buried with his golf clothes on and his clubs right next to him. An excellent athlete right until the end. I stood next to my boyfriend, who has been amazingly supportive and thought to myself....if I had made him promise me he would stick around for me to have kids, then would he have let go? My Grandma made him promise he would stick around for her 50th anniversary and he did. He promised to stick around for my brother's wedding and he did. I should have made him promise. However, maybe he just felt it was time.

It is hard to think of him without tears welling up in my eyes. He lived a full life, made a huge family that he was proud of, prided himself of being a family man......an all around class act. He died at 93, leaving his third wife (he outlived the others) my Great Grandma Lisa...the only one I ever knew.

I wish I got more time with him. But then again, we always want more. There is no right time for someone to go. We can all hope to live the life he lead. He died in old age leaving a legacy behind. But it still hurts like hell. It hurts like a rock in my stomach.

I don't know why I am writing this but I guess I just feel like maybe my Jimmy can live on if more people know how amazing he was...

So rest in peace Grandpa.

I will miss your smile...

I will miss your infinite wisdom...

I will miss your peacefulness...

I will miss your charming overly confident demeanor (which only old people can pull off anyway)...

I will miss your warmth...

Most of all though....I will miss your love