Wednesday, April 06, 2005

I applied for four jobs today. Someone has to bite. I also spoke with my counselor at school about what my plan is going to be for the next year. It is now official; my major is communications. Say goodbye to English. I figure it took Ethan 15 applications to get two bites so all I really have to do is keep throwing things out there and someone is going to play catch. I feel better though because at least SOMETHING is getting accomplished. I feel like the ball is finally rolling. I remember when Ethan went through his five months of pure hell, in the months right before his wedding no less. He was depressed and torn up and even had no job. I look at him now, getting through his masters and having people interested in him as an employee. I look at him now as happy and feeling good about himself and that gives me hope. It gives me hope about my future. I picture myself graduating with my degree and having people notice my work and my writing. I know there is a perfect job out there for me; maybe it just does not exist yet. I see people all around me getting jobs that seem to come out of nowhere. Ethan with the bites he is getting, my mother got her job after a big low point (losing ones job because a bunch of Arthur Anderson employees lied is a low point in my book), Josh becoming the editor of a magazine he used to write for for free, finally getting to kiss being a waiter goodbye…in a way it is like getting discovered. All you really have to do is put yourself out there, be aggressive to the point of annoying and someone will take you. I feel optimistic today. I have my points of insecurity that creep in but something inside me keeps shoving that away, telling me I am worth it and I am worth having it all. I am reminded of a prayer I know by heart. It is not really a prayer but rather a reminder one can say to him or herself whenever doubt creeps in. I used to have it by my bed so I could read it every morning when I woke up:

Good morning,
This is God.
I will be handling
All of your
Problems today.
I will not need
Your help, so have
A miraculous day.

And with that I leave the bad feelings behind and venture off to become whatever it is I am supposed to become.

1 comment:

Steve said...

Communications suits you well. Good luck on the job search, you will find something soon. Searching for a job is pretty damn far down the list of things I enjoy, but when you finally land the job it's a great feeling.