Thursday, December 07, 2006

Who Needs Mistletoe??

As I got up for work the other day I stepped out onto the balcony to take in the sunrise. The crisp morning air chilled my bones as I took in a deep breath.

“Calm down,” I told myself. Just breathe.

The holidays.

No two other words can bring a feeling of such joy mixed with such dread at the same time.

On the upside – the clothing in the stores is amazing (though I am not buying any I promise), the lights are beautiful, the house smells of pumpkin pie, warm roasted nuts (yes I roast my own nuts haha), and beautiful Christmas music (sorry fellow Jews we are lacking on great holiday music.). There are festivities and parties galore – I have 5 in the next three weeks. People give presents and there is nothing like spending a chilly night cuddled up on the sofa with some hot cocoa and a warm body. The food is great and there seems to be some magic in the air. Did I mention presents? Yes, presents are a definite upside. I love presents (don’t worry, giving and receiving) and I love opening up these little surprises and seeing what people get when they think of you. Large or small – all great.

Then we have the downside. – The stress of finding good gifts, the stress of figuring out what to get the essentials (like your boss), what to wear to the actual parties, people fighting in line at the mall, people arguing over who is going to get your parking space and then blocking your way out while they duke it out (yes that happened to me), the stress of getting your entire odd ball family into one room just so you can listen to what a conversation might be when you get into said room the following: a republican (or a bunch), a couple liberals, one green party, one optimistic but overly worrisome Jewish mother, one pessimist, one stoned grandpa who can give a shit what anyone is saying, one great-grandmother who can’t hear what anyone is saying but pretends to anyway, and one 25 year old woman who must deal with such questions like, “what guy are you dating?”, “tell me every detail of your new job”, “ why don’t you marry _ _ _ “ (yes I still get that question after I have been friends with _ _ _ for years) and of course my favorite – the mix between “you look great!” and “oh you look way too skinny dahling, are you eating”?

With all that said, I really do love the holidays. It is my favorite time of year (starting November 6th of course), and I look forward to it once again this year. Now if I could just get all my gift shopping done, bake my most fabulous pumpkin pie, glazed almonds, chocolate rum pie, and gingerbread – I will be all set. I have my “Santa’s Baby” red jacket, my “Who needs Mistletoe?” panties, my shopping list, and my calendar full….

Now all I have to do is stop and breathe.

What are everyone’s plans for the holiday? Anything fun?

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Money Lessons Learned

I have a confession to make.

I love shopping.

Yes that is me. A confessed shopaholic. I love nice clothes and I love nice shoes. I spend 20 dollars on a pair of panties that have enough fabric to cover most men’s pinky. I would gladly spend a few hundred on a handbag and eat protein shakes for a week. I buy expensive skincare. My jeans I buy based upon how they make my ass look rather than the price tag. I buy high thread count sheets. Not even the thread count you can buy at most stores – they have to be ordered. When I feel down I don’t go on a drinking binge or an eating binge – I run straight to the mall. It is my vice.

I am a retail stores best client. I am a sucker. I walk into the store and stupidly get the retail credit card because I get 20% off that day and fail to even think about the 22% APR.

Well – this got me into a lot of trouble.

Lately I have been learning a lot about effective money management and what being a credit card person actually does to ones net worth.

What it comes down to is this.

Credit cards are the demise of America (not my words.) But I believe part of this is true. With credit card debt you will always pay back way too much. So imagine you are buying a 100 dollar shirt – after you pay that off the card it ends up being like 150. And if you are only paying minimum payments or slightly more – well you are barely paying any principal.

Now – to give myself credit I have never had a late payment in almost 7 years.

I have been really good about no longer spending. I am sort of in a “time to get responsible about money” phase – hence the no shopping policy. But getting out of debt is a whole other story.

I sat down with a couple “money savvy” people. One is my uncle who has no debt – only one credit card and is very well off because he knows money. The other is my banker. Who, because he is a banker, obviously knows money said the same thing – debt can’t ruin someone.

So with a little help from my friends I have, with my newfound knowledge, come up with a repayment plan.

The first thing I did was transfer every balance to a low rate card. This I find out will cut my repayment time by half and reduce my interest by thousands of dollars.

I then canceled every single one of my cards. GONE. OUT THE WINDOW.

I will now be completely out of debt in 8 months.

However, my love for nice things will likely never go away. What can I say – it is just who I am.

I Rachel Heather am indulgent. And, I have come to find out this is not a fault – materialism is not a bad word – it just has to be managed.

So how am I going to do that?

First of all I am forcing myself to not buy anything not needed until I am out of debt. After that I was thinking maybe of some sort of budget but it has to be paid in cash.

Any ideas?

This is the dawn of a new age – the age of Rachel being financially responsible.

So to sum it all up – what I have learned.

Bad marks on your credit WILL come back to haunt you (I had two late payments when I was 18 that bring down my score  )

If you can’t pay cash for something – don’t buy it – unless it is a solid investment (car, home, etc.)

Keep only one low APR credit card and only put on there what you can pay off at the end of the month.

So what kinds of money management and money “rules” do you all follow?

Monday, November 27, 2006

Random Musings From Yours Truly

This past month has been a whirlwind of dreams coming true, happy synchronicities and new things happening so fast I sometimes forget to stop and eat or breathe. At this moment, I have a moment and I am kind of in awe of all that has happened. In just three short weeks my life has completely changed. Things that I finally realized I deserved are coming into fruition and

I have met the male version of me - monkey butt and all. Now that is scary.

I have stock options now - like a reel lif adault.

I have two new pairs of panties - One says "Who needs mistletoe" on the butt. Don't make fun of me.

My brother has got a new dog - bringing the pug count through the roof in my family. I am not going to get a pug.

My new boss has nicknamed me, "Thread Count."

People walk around the office here with beer in their hands.

I have my own private banker.

First freelance writing job coming up :)

A certain someone has also nicknamed me "PHD in Manipulation." - whatEVER.

Rock n Republic Jeans are my new favorite jeans

I did something so crazy - everyone that knows me is going to gasp, freak out, and might collapse. I donated two giant containers of clothing to charity. It was tough. I cried at some items - but so worth it.

My body is looking better than ever. I have started taking some new sports just to mix it up a bit. Kickboxing is one of them. I am also going to be taking Pilates and of course my running. (Told you I was busy!)

I have a brand new luxury apartment.

I actually make money now!

I am pretty much on the go from 5:00 AM till bedtime - hence my lack of updates. Things are going to settle down soon, or at least come to a more even keel schedule.

People are starting to see things in me that I never saw before - like actual talent and brains and the x-factor that is needed to actually bring in something unique. In some ways it is almost weird but in others I feel as though - ok finally! I am slowly but surley starting to believe that I really do have that X-Factor - not just when it comes to charm but with brains as well.

After Thanksgiving = CHRISTMAS MUSIC TIME@!!!!!

Woooooo Hoooooo!!!

We pick up our tree in a week - it is a real one :) And you have no idea how good my pies are. I am going to make pumpkin, apple, chocolate rum, plus gingerbread, sugar cookies...oh you name it I am making it!

I love giving presents this time of year. I put a lot of thought into it as well, I am now in the planning stages but I have gotten a lot done.

I did not go to a single store on black Friday. For that alone - I deserve a medal. It was so freaking hard but thankfully I had good support for those moments of weakness where I was tempted to just drive to the store and buying something I don't need just because it is half off.

Remember my boat/new York/ slash weird dream. It is sort of coming true. Well starting to.

How's that for a busy month!!!

Sunday, November 26, 2006

These Are The Days...

That Rachel gets no sleep.

That Rachel hasn't parked her monkey butt down to write :(

That good new things have happened.

Don't worry, I will have some time to update tomorrow.

Then I should be back on a more regular schedule. :)

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Lesson Number Two

Philosophy, and therefore psychology, has two theories. We have all heard the nature vs. nurture argument. From a philosophers point of view some would say we are born Tabula Rasa and then learn our traits as products of our environment. Tabula Rasa means clean slate for those of you that have not read Aristotle or Aquinas. Go read it if you haven’t!

If someone told you right now that you could have Tabula Rasa and wipe your entire slate clean and then create the life of your choosing – what would you choose?

Now really think about this one. Most of us are programmed to choose based upon what we “should” want or what we “think we can get.”

The ego is a tricky thing. I like to call the ego a well-meaning but idiotic child. It is always there, in and each and every one of us designed to make life a learning experience.

If we had no ego we would all be in a state of Nirvana – everlasting joy and peace. However, we have this ego and it is designed to give us a purpose.

Imagine playing a baseball game in which someone told you before each game that you were going to win. You would start to lose the joy for the game right? Isn’t the triumph in winning, knowing that it is a risk and you might lose?

Triumph over ego and you win everything.

So here we have this idea that if you can get to nothing, Tabula Rasa, then you can have everything. But your ego wants to stop you.

The ego is what makes us never change and grow because where we are, even if painful, is comfortable. It is safe. Safety is the ego’s friend where risk makes the ego nervous because it can lose.

The ego makes us settle for less. It is easier.

The ego makes us give up on what we want.

The ego makes us hurt others.

The ego makes us lose hope.

The ego makes us insecure.

The ego makes us arrogant.

The ego makes us stay in a state of denial, lying to others and ourselves.

In short – the ego protects us from pain..but keeps us from true happiness.

But what if someone came to you and told you that there is a way to get to “nothing,” triumph over your ego, create the life you want to live and have a freaking fantabulous time while you are here…

If someone told you that – then how would you choose your life? Picture it in your head. Picture exactly what you want. Don’t hold back because you think you can’t have it, or can see no plausible way to get it.

So…the only question you need to ask yourselves is this:

If you take away your ego and knew for sure you could get it – what do you really really realty want?

I am curious to know but in an effort to make us all as honest as possible, please comment anonymously.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

And The Award for BEST GIFT EVER Goes To....

The Best Sheets Ever!!!

"Honey, what would you like to do tonight"?

"Well, geee...I dunno - Row B, Column 3 sounds fun."

If you please turn your attention to - the instruction manual in my hand. Look closer. Closer. Yeah - thats what you think it is.

This gift was given to me by my Aunt who threw me a really fun party with my friends.

Here are some highlights taken with my brand new digital camera : )

Me and Sammy - he actually came to the bars with us

Me and my uncle - by the way, the hat was not my idea

Me and my fantabulous birthday cake - it was handmade by a friend of mine :)

Me and Blair - the fantabulous cakemaker :)

my mom is one of those weird moms that does this

more pictures to come - and more festivities

P.S - I am going to get into a series of articles on here as kind of an experiment/instruction series that delves into a few things that blend some universal laws, physics and metaphysics, and such. The problem is I have so much information and so many different views on the subject matter that I am not yet sure how to articulate it to where it would make sense to the "average Joe." So if you have any advice on how to explain things in that way I would love any my readers could give.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

They Say It's Your Birthday :)

It's my birthday too YEAH!!

So 25 years ago today - two parents gave birth to a freaking awesome girl that had big eyes and baby face cheeks.

As you can see not much has changed since then, I pretty much look the same - same cheeks, same eyes...

Except - maybe I am a little taller, a little wiser, and..well I grew a butt and boobs and such.

Birthday festivities pretty much last the entire month of November in Rachel Land.

We kicked it off with a BBQ today...I raked it in :)

Good times Good times :)

Will be back in a couple of days...

Thursday, November 02, 2006

I Am Becoming a Butterfly

It would take me hours upon hours to explain where I have been and what I have been doing the past month.

I wish I could tell you all that I went on an African Safari, or that I won the lotto and have been using my time wisely making sure Nordstrom’s and Bloomies stay in business for a thousand years.

While, that is not the case, I can’t divulge too many details here.

I have been to hell and back. I have seen darkness and things have happened that have shattered my belief system , respect, and the standards I had set.

Standing in nothing, I was forced to evaluate everything. Who I am. Where I am. Who I want to be and where I want to go.

A good good friend, and someone who I hold high with utmost respect and admiration told me this (to paraphrase)

“Rachel, what the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly. I see you and I see that you are turning into the most beautiful amazing butterfly I have ever seen.”

Besides being one of the best compliments I have ever gotten (and thank you for that, you know who you are) it opened my eyes to realize that standing in nothing is actually a good sign.

As with any change in our life, or self-transformation, or even taking the first step to get help, it is painful. It is as painful as that caterpillar breaking through his cocoon. Many people say it is the most painful thing anyone goes through. Many people give up during that time. They get familiar with that boxed in feeling. It is comfortable and safe. Breaking out is dangerous. It is scary. No one knows what is outside the cocoon.

But I broke out anyway.

Here is what I found:

- It takes courage to do the hard thing which many times are the right and just thing.

- It takes courage to see the truth about who we are but only we can change and grow. This is why many people never change (how many times have you heard that one)

- I am stronger than I give myself credit for.

- I am a good, loving person.

- I understand.

- I know how to love.

- Not one single person in this world is evil.

- I am totally freaking sexy. (I had to add that one) : )

I am now standing on the cusp of a new life. The world is spread out before me and, mark my words, I will take it on.

I won’t settle for anything less than spectacular. I won’t remain in a boxed in place of where I “should” be. If I want to do something I am going to go balls in and do it. Coward no more.

I can be anything I want. I can do anything I want. I can have anything I want. That is what the universe was designed for. Are you in a job you don’t like? Quit. Follow your bliss. That is what takes real courage and conviction. How about your town? Your heart? Your mind? Why is it you have the job you have? Is it what your parents did and you thought you should do the same? What kind of life do you really want to live? Picture what you want in your head.

I am told I am now a butterfly. My life did a 180 the past month. But now, everything seems possible.

And this sick feeling in my stomach, over my past…that will fade with time.

So many people thought of me as someone that would not go anywhere. A pretty face – nothing more.

Mark my words….my standards are set, I will not lower them, and anything less is an insult to the universe and myself.

Anyone care to join me? All you have to do is be authentic.

And maybe a little bit sexy ;)

Monday, October 09, 2006

Life in the Fast Lane

Preface – I hope you all have been thinking about your three desires – we will get back to that. : )

As of late, my life has taken a turn for the crazy. (hence the lake of blogging)

To explain – this is pretty much my week.

Tuesday – school

Wednesday – work at job #1 and then school

Thursday – school

Friday – work at job #1. Then drive down to San Diego.

Saturday – work all day at job #2. Go out at night

Sunday – work all day at job #2 and go out.

Monday – work all day at job #2 . Drive home from San Diego

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

San Diego is about 1.5 hours away FYI.

I am not complaining. I love being busy. I love it.

However, just a month ago I was complaining about my lack of hours at job #1 and no way to fill my time in between classes.

And now?

Well my life has been changing at warp speed. Everything is changing. Jobs. People. Everything.

I have no idea where all this change is going to lead. I was given advice, by my mentor, that if it feels good I am on the right track. Well I feel better now than I have felt in quite a while.

Many people travel through life with a planned destination. I have not a clue what mine is. I have a general idea (writing), but other than that…I got nothing.

But do we have to know all the time?

Who made up the five-year plan rule?

Is it possible that if we just keep going keep going keep going...then we will eventually end up where we are supposed to be?

So until then…

Lather Rinse Repeat.

Lather Rinse Repeat.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Lesson #1

We live in a world that is governed by laws of man. Red lights, school, patient rights, eight-hour shifts – all laws made by man.

There are other laws that have an even deeper hold on us. The laws of the Universe. Law of gravity. Law of inertia. Law of the tides. Concrete. Solid. There is no way to manipulate any of these laws. You don’t need to go to school to learn any of these laws. No one says, “Well I have to go to school to learn about gravity because if I don’t, I might go up instead of down”!

When we go about life we automatically combine the laws of man and the laws of the universe. We go about our day, struggling against time, working against the tide, speeding threw the yellow light, forcing ourselves to go upstream.

We reward ourselves with hard work. Work inspired is lazy. The harder it is the more gold stars we give ourselves.

What if I told you there was another way?

What if I told you there was a scientific Law of the universe that can help you realize that there is nothing you cannot be, do, or have.

I am on my way down to San Diego for the weekend. While I am gone I want all of you to think about a few things.

What is it you give the majority of your focus on? Past? Present? Future? Bad? Good? Happy? Sad?

What three big desires do you have?

What would you do, if you didn’t have to think about what anyone thought of you, how much money you made, or what society thought?

Think Think Think

Then we will continue.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

The Price People Pay for Money

A couple walked into the store. One scantly clad girl wearing Frankie B jeans so low her “coin slot” could hold dollars. With her was her boyfriend, wearing a muscle tee and diamonds in both ears so large I feared I might have to get my sunglasses.

She was holding a Yorkie, about two pounds and he was holding a Chihuahua that could not have weighed more than 1.5 pounds.

Both dogs had more “bling” on them than the couple.

“Aww how cute,” and meant it, as Yorkies are my weakness. “What are their names.”?

“This is Dolce,” she said as she pointed to the Yorkie. “And, this is Gabbana.”


I gave the girl a once over. She was a walking designer ad.

The man had more diamonds on him than my Great Grandma Bertha.

How much money does one have to have to afford so much in life? I wondered to myself.

I mentally went over in my head thinking about what this couple must do for a living.

I do this. I study people.

And then I noticed it. The boyfriend was wearing an ankle bracelet. NOT of the fashionable kind.

He reeked of scandal.

For a second I was jealous of this girrl..before I saw the bracelet.

And then, all I felt…was sadness.

Sad that money becomes everything to people and forces them to abandon their morals.

Sad that wealth is thought to be something we need to create on the outside, instead of being wealthy within.

Sad that I was still freaking jealous that she had the new Gucci bag!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

I'mmmmm Backkkkkkkk

I have been out of town and I just got back so stay tuned for some updates : )

In the past 5 days I have:

Was humbled by an experience.

Met a girl and her boyfriend who owned a yorkie named Dolce and a Chi named Gabana.

Met a 17 year old one-eyed Pug

Kicked ass at some board games. I am the Uno QUEEN!

Got a little tipsy.

Got my ass grabbed by a stranger on J street who then proceeded to run away.

Had tons of fun

So tell me, how was your weekend?

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

A Week of Lessons

The Best Sales Tactic Ever

“Hey check these shoes out” I say as I point out a pair of 600 dollar Manolos.

“OK I just lost my hard on.”

“What?? They are so cute.” I sound defeated. My ploy is not working.

I think for a minute.

“Well, picture me in them naked.”

“Alright, hard on is back.”

The shoes are mine.

Way Not to Pick Up A Woman

“Hey, do you like older men”?

“Well not too much older.”

This guy is 45. Drunk. Rich.

“Well how do you feel about spanking”?

Excuseeeeeeeeeeee moi?

Best Way To Achieve Anything – Assume you already have

“What are you”?

“I am a hot ass writer is what I am,” I say confidently.

“But, you have not been published yet,” Mr. Obvious states.

“What the hell does that have to do with anything”?!?!

Best Way to Ignore - Walk Away

“Hey Rach, I am sorry about the Angels.” I get from a phone call

GO OAKLANDDDDDD – I get from my A’s fan friend as a text,

I look at the computer.

I look at the phone.

“I gotta go to bed,” I say as I hang up the phone.

I turn off the computer

Head to my pillow.

And pout till bedtime.

Best Way To Figure Out What You Want

“I think my problem is I am not sure what job to get,” I say to my mentor.

“Well, that’s easy, ask yourself what you would do for free Then do that.”

“That’s easy. Writing of course!” I exclaim.

I think for a minute…

“But, I need to find a job to make money first. You have to work hard for the money.”

“Rach, if that were true, ditch diggers would be millionaires.”


“Bottom line Rach, do what you love and the money will follow,” she says with a sincere smile.

And the final lesson learned this week…

Best Way to Get Anything You Want


: )

Monday, September 25, 2006

All Foreplay No Orgasm

All Foreplay No Orgasm

It is Friday night. Two people. One Angels fan and one Padres fan. Chris Young is pitching a No-Hitter and it is the top of the ninth with two outs to go. This would be the first in Padres history.

The tension is building up as superstitions come out.

“He is pitching a GOOD game. Don’t say it Don’t say it.”

(You cannot say someone is pitching a No-Hitter until the end of the game. Bad luck.)

The other team gets a home run. The first hit of the game. Chris Young disappoints. Padres still win but a feeling of dissatisfaction follows.

All foreplay.

Meanwhile back with the Angels game. The score is 4/4 and we are in the 12th inning. My fists are clenched. Time stops.

We lose.

No Orgasm.

So many things in life cause lots of buildup with no delivery. A disappointing game. A job we had high hopes for. That really hot guy that looked like he knew what he was doing.

We all need to start packing a punch outside the bedroom.

Give me an Orgasm.

Give me a No Hitter

Give me a win after a freaking long game.

Give me the climax.

Or I might just have to scream.

Friday, September 22, 2006

The Turning Point

This October my grandparents are celebrating the 10-year anniversary of their house burning to the ground along with every thing they had ever owned. Weird thing to celebrate you are thinking right?

Well, the point of the celebration is to celebrate rebirth. It is evidence that even though sometimes we can lose everything and stand in the ashes of was once our life and rebuilt it even better than it was before.

Their house grew back; they built the house of their dreams in its place. They created a palace. And slowly but surely new memories were created.

They say that in everyone’s life there is always a clearing, a clean slate, and a proverbial rug being pulled out from under us. It leaves us with a Tabula Rasa, a chance to either sink or swim, to get up and walk or stay on the ground in the comforts of misery.

This year has been my clearing. Everything that I associated with myself was lost. People died. People left. Jobs became no more. I was left standing with nothing.

Now as I look at the past months I think of what can become of Tabula Rasa. I was left standing with nothing because I had to become happy with nothing before I could ever be happy with something. So I put myself to work. I worked on me without anything to define myself or anything to rely on.

It is easy to distract ourselves from the ugly insecurities we have when we have busy jobs, projected relationships, drama, and what not. But without all of it we are confronted with all that ugly and there is no choice but to sink or swim. Clear the muck and move on creating the life that we are meant to live….that we WANT to live.

At times the “work” we have on ourselves is a lot harder than going to a job every day. It is shitty and ugly and painful.

But what happens, and what happened to me, is I slowly became a new person. Stereotypes that I had about myself and others had about me have slowly begun to drift away. A new me is born and what she is is better than I ever thought possible. Creative ideas are flowing. My focus is clearer. Life is changing..slowly but surely

The turning point came when I surrendered to the way I thought things should be and just accepted the way things are. It is when I threw my hands up into the sky and gave up control, gave up knowing, gave it all up. I became free and I became different somehow.

So I can be negative and tell myself, "Well I have not found a fulfilling job yet," or "I am not published yet," or whatnot. Or I can focus on how far I have come in the past few months. I am living successfully on my own when no one ever thought I could. I was given a new pet as a gift from my brother, the greatest gift he has ever given. I have been responsible in my job applications. I have found new relationships. I have become responsible and hard working. I have grown up. I have gained new insights about what my goals are. I have run a half marathon. I have maintained my fitness and nutrition regimen. I have grown in my craft. I have not only found my confidence again but I have fallen in love with me as I am. (or am starting to which is a start) Not bad right?

The turning point was the burning down of the house.

The new beginning was being the Phoenix that rose from the ashes.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

A Few "Rules" I Follow

Check and see if the guy opens the door for you. Small gesture. Big telling sign.

Open the door for the elderly. Just do it.

Never snap your fingers at the waiter. They are not servants.

Try not to yell at the customer service representative. It is shooting the messenger.

Always tip 18 – 20%- 25% at a nice restaurant. Don’t double the tax. Especially if you had alcohol. (alcohol is not taxed so you will under-tip.)

Don’t talk on your cell phone in line.

Applying lip-gloss in public is ok. But go to the restroom to apply anything else.

Treat everyone with respect, unless they prove that they cannot be respected.

Shake hands when being introduced to someone.

Remember birthdays and anniversaries. Very important.

Don’t walk ahead of your date, ever. If they walk slower, then you walk slower.

Say “please” and “thank you” to the waiter, it goes a long way.

At the grocery store, if you have a lot and the person behind you has very few, let them go ahead of you.
In the ladies room, let the pregnant woman go ahead of you if there is a line.

When you get into an elevator and are standing near the buttons, ask the other patrons what floor they would like to go to and push the button for them.

Silverware – Start from the outside going in.

Try your hardest not to fart in the elevator.

Always end emails, phone conversations, face conversations and instant messages with a proper ending. I.E Thank you, I look forward to hearing from you, love you, have a great day, see ya soon, ttfn, etc. etc.

Accept gifts and compliments with a thank you. Rejecting a gift or a compliment is like rejecting that person who gives it or calling him/her a liar.

What are some of the things you all follow?

Monday, September 18, 2006

Illusions and Magic

When I was about ten years old, I saw a magician perform at a company party hosted by my father’s work. I was mesmerized from the get go and spent the entire evening following this magician around from table to table, hell bent of learning a few things. From that day forward I wanted to be a magician. This guy was very enamored by me that he even spent a bit of time teaching me a few tricks.

I was in utter awe. It was all an illusion. Subtle trickery that, even though any adult knew it was not real, could still cause them to become wide eyed little children, amazed at what their eyes were seeing.

In the few years that followed, I spent countless hours studying the craft. I went to magic shops. I got books on the craft. I practiced in my room and on my family. I “performed” for anyone I could get to sit down for a minute. I actually became quite good for a teeny tiny tot.

Today, though not a professional magician, I still love the idea of magic. We know it is an illusion. We know it is not real. And yet, we sit in front of our TVs, pay hundreds of dollars for Copperfield tickets, watch documentaries on Houdini and still can’t get enough.

This weekend I had the pleasure of seeing the movie, The Illusionist. The movie had its flaws, but the effect it set out to achieve worked beautifully. The movie, in of itself, is an illusion and yet it remains magical at the same time.

Is magic an illusion? Is it real? Do we rely on it as a source for entertainment or is there a way, if we take away all of our adult cynicism that we can remain starry eyed kids where magic IS real and the laws of nature don’t apply?

What about the mix of magic and law…metaphysics. Is that not magic? Is mind dynamics magic or an illusion? What about hypnosis? Is that not magic? NLP? Law of Attraction?

Is everything just an illusion? Do we only see what we want to see? Ignoring the trickery and slight of hand that goes on behind the curtains.

My love for magic never turned into a career (thank goodness for that because seriously they make bupkiss), but one thing it did teach me is to never only trust what only the eyes can see.

So…tell me…

Do you believe in magic?

Friday, September 15, 2006

Are We All Masochists?

“Rach, what are you doing”?

“I just got home..” I reply to the phone.

I can’t sleep, it is the middle of the night and what I find myself doing is spending the last hour “window” shopping on the Internet.

I am such a Masochist.

“I am on Kill me now.”

After a few clicks I am brought to a pair of Manolo Slouch boots. Priced at 1050 dollars. Hmmmmm rent or Manolos? Tough decision.

The new pair of Louboutins…700 dollars for a shoe crafted so beautifully I might cry.

“Why do you do this to yourself Rachel”?

“Its fun that’s why”!!

And it really is. Will I ever buy a 1000-dollar pair of boots? Not likely. (ok that’s a lie I tell just so you all don’t think I am crazy but when I am a millionaire you bet your ass I am going to get those.)

My grandmother told me that when they were really poor, they used to go down to the rich neighborhoods and find open houses they could walk around. This was how they spent their Sunday afternoons.

Sometimes I head over to to oogle my dream home.

I know we all do this. Salivate over things we can’t afford just for fun.

Is it masochism? Are we just torturing ourselves?

There is that Chloe handbag.


Those Manolos are the most perfect boots I have ever seen.


Yes….it is Masochism.

My name is Rachel Heather and I let fashion torture me.

“Hello Rachel.”


Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Falling in Love With our Bodies

I need your Women’s Psychology opinion on something”

“Ask away”

This might be interesting…

“Well I just got an email from a girl that I did some work for, and she had seen the work I did and she thinks she looks fat in all of it.”

“Her exact words please”?

Sometimes men can be so lost

“Her words were, ‘Well you can use it but I look like a fat cow’! or something like that.”

Tsk tsk tsk.

“Oh honey, she just wants a compliment’!


“If a women tells a guy she looks fat in a picture or something, she is just trying to get you to say, ‘oh don’t be silly you look gorgeous’ DUH”

Now obviously this women is a little less than pleased with her body and while I normally would say to ignore it, this is someone he works with and when it comes to business I always think it is better to feed someone’s ego. Agree or no?

“But, Rachel..I don’t want to lie to her”!

Men do it as well. Men who boast about their penis size, their bank account or their stellar performance in the bedroom are usually harboring insecurity about said subject.

Women just go about it in a more passive-aggressive way.

“You women are so weird. Why not just be happy with your bodies just the way they are”?

Good question I thought to myself.

That is a very good question.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Welcome to the UnTaboo Generation

“Did you see the premiere of Nip/Tuck”?

“Yes, of course I did”! I almost shouted.

“Well, I am now addicted to that show. You should have seen your brother when it was on. He could hardly believe they do THAT on cable.”

I have a mental picture of my mother, father, and brother sitting around the sofa watching Dr. Christian Troy get it on with a mother/daughter duo but I shudder and quickly erase the picture from my mind.

“That show is something else,” my father mumbles with a goofy grin.

This is all too much.

Nip/Tuck – the ultimate in family entertainment. I should have never introduced them to the show to begin with. I will be haunted with those images for the rest of my life.

Later on, while in the comforts of my apartment where I can watch Nip/Tuck without the embarrassment of my mother sitting next to me, I am alerted by the familiar “bing” of an IM alert.

****** - "Hey Rach!"

It is my 11-year-old cousin in New York. This is the way my family communicates now. No joke. When I lived at home, my mother would IM me to ask questions rather than take the trip down the stairs.

Arubarachel – "Hey babe, how is my favorite cousin?"

****** - "I am really good :) I can’t wait for you to come visit. You can meet my boyfriend."

Excuse me? Ok, I admit it; I had a boyfriend in kindergarten. But, playing house and playing doctor was our relationship in its entirety. I believe boys still had coodies at the age of 11.

Arubarachel – "You have a boyfriend?"

******* - "LOL, yeah. Oh, he is here brb."

What happened to kids spending the afternoon playing Barbie?

Here lies Americans in the 21st century. Long gone are the days where families gathered around to play Monopoly. Instead we sit around and discuss the sex-lives of our favorite TV characters. Little girls have boyfriends (albeit innocent ones) at the age where I had no idea what a boyfriend stood for. We openly talk about bodily functions. Private parts are no longer private and public conversations can center around sex, periods and sperm..often all at the same time.

Another IM “bing”

****** "OUCH!"

Arubarachel – "what?"

******* "I just sneezed and farted at the same time."

See what I mean?

The phone rings and interrupts my thoughts. It is a dear friend calling to find out my weekend plans.

“Let’s see a movie”

“How about a baseball game instead?” I ask.

“Am I buying the tickets then?” he asks without being serious.

“Of course you are.”

“Well then Road Head is required for payment.”

“Nice try,” I say, “See what tickets you can find.”

I hang up the phone and sit for a minute to think. Where along the lines did any taboo subject start hanging out, in the open for all eyes to see? When did all this happen?

I can’t say I mind….It makes for excellent conversation.

Friday, September 08, 2006

25 Peeps

Don't know how this happened..but I am on

so click here

and refer me

cause I am applying for jobs all day

and need more entertainment.

so click here

and have a Happy Friday

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Taking Away The Fear

I know I asked all of you what you would do different if you took away your fears. I never told you what I would do.

I have had a lot of time to think about things the past couple of weeks. Mainly because I am not working as much as I would like to and my classes are not requiring as much study time as I anticipated. In some ways this is a good thing for I have had the chance to just BE. I have had time to write. I have had time to realize that this fictional story in my head of what I thought I was I just that – fiction.

I believe a lot of what is said to us growing up gets absorbed easily and therefore it becomes a belief rather quickly.

I have had two teachers in my scholastic history that have taken the time to tell me how smart I am or how talented I am. My 5th grade teacher Mrs. Fry, with whom is still a family friend today, made me feel like a freaking genius. She encouraged my writing, she used positive reinforcement, and pointed out all the talents I never knew I had. She made me want to come to class and made learning fun. Then there was Mr. Rupp in high school. He thought I was spectacular. He thought I was this amazing talent just waiting to be discovered. The words he used in my yearbook, which I still remember today, were, “You are like the atomic bomb, who knew so much could come out of something so little.”
But two teachers out of countless does not a belief make. The rest – well what can I say about them. I was told I was dumb. I was told I was a horrible writer, or horrible at math or horrible at something. When I got an A on a test I was accused of cheating. My parents were called and told how much of a “trouble maker” I was.

They all made me hate school.

My life has had a lot of changes this year and now I am on this leading edge. I have created this clean slate – this Tabula Rasa – in which I can now walk in a direction of my choosing.

At first I was scared. Could I follow my dream? Could I make it happen? What about what I have been told? Now mind you I have never once had a family member, a boyfriend, a friend or anything of that nature call me dumb or not talented.

So the past few months I have realized something.

Those teachers didn’t know shit about me. They were projecting their issues.

With a lot of work I have been able to stomp a lot of those beliefs I used to carry with me into the ground. They are not buried completely but at least I have been doing the introspective changes to get there.

I have been applying for jobs in the field I have always wanted to be in. I have been contacting networks. I have been taking the first step. I have enrolled in some media classes. I have been getting help with my resume. I have been working on getting my ass in the door.

Martin Luther King once said, “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase just take the first step.”

So here I am. Clean Slate. 24 years of feeling less than genius gone with the wind.

And I am not there yet.

But I am taking the first steps.

It feels fucking fantastic.

Friday, September 01, 2006

What Would Be Different...If You Take Away The Fear

Just a quick note to say I am going away for the holiday weekend. I shall be back on Tuesday with, I am sure, some great stories to share : )

For now I want to leave you all with a question. You don’t have to answer it right away if you don’t want to but just sit and ponder it. Answer it if you want, leave it anonymous if you must but I just want you all to think about this

What would you do…if you were not afraid?

Whenever I had a problem or a conflict in my head or any confusion and I asked a wise wise person what I should do..this is the question that was given to me.

You all know. It is that crossroads. That fork in the road. The weary feeling. The confusion. The stress.

The question is something to ponder and I want all you readers to think about this one.

What would you do if you knew when you jumped that a net was down there?

What would you do if you knew you would not get hurt?

What would you do if you knew that when you swung you could not strike out.

What would you do..if you took away the fear?

Think of it this way. Fill in the blanks. "If I were not afraid of _________, I would ____________"

Ok, that’s all : ). Think about it. Have a great one!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Opinions...Everyone Has Got Them

“Rachel you are too much of a dreamer, put yourself in reality.”

“Rachel just focus and graduate and then worry about your career.”

“Rachel work on your career while you are in school.”

“Rachel, don’t date him.”

“Rachel, date him I like that one.”

“Rachel you need to stop coming across as overly confident.”

“Rachel be more realistic.”

“Rachel, you are part evil.”

“Rachel you drive me nuts.”

“Rachel don’t worry about it, go with the flow.”

“Rachel, you better start worrying about it.”

“Rachel, you look expensive, it is intimidating.”

“Rachel you are too nice.”

“Rachel you need to stop believing in your dream world and start looking at reality.”

“Rachel – never give up on your dreams.”

“Rachel I love you, and I know you will do what is best for you. Date who you want to date. Follow the career of what makes you happy. You will do great”

“Rachel, you look expensive.”

Now which one do you think I should listen to?

Opinions. Everyone has got ‘em. I got them coming at me in spades.

Except here is something I have learned. For every single person in my life there are that many opinions…and usually more.

Opinions are just what someone believes. What we believe is what comes to pass (consciously and subconsciously). And so here and now I have made the conscious decision to not listen to anybody (unless I want to) and just follow my intuition.

It has never failed me in the past. It sure as hell not gonna fail me now.

What are some things people have told all of you that make you get all mind chattery? Does anyone else have this happen to him or her?

When did it not become ok to trust our gut?

Joseph Campbell (amazing author) said, what I consider to be, three of the most powerful words ever spoken (EVER!!!)….”Follow your bliss.”

“Follow your bliss, and doors will open where there were none before…”

Now that is some advice I think I will take.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Maybe We Are All Somebody's Guardian Angel

As I was walking through the bookstore I brought myself to the oh-so-familiar Concert DVD section. Not that I need any more Concert DVDs, but it is always fun to look. Of course, sometimes I end up buying anyway but that is a whole other story.

So anyway, I was walking around MY section and I notice a man, probably in his 40s standing near the section with a young girl, around 8.

“Daddy, which one are you going to get?” I overhear her say. I take a look and notice the little girl has Downs’s syndrome.

Father is holding two DVDs in his hands, obviously contemplating which to get for his daughter.

Curiosity got the best of me and I scooted over to get a better look. Ahh, he was holding two different Beach Boys DVDs and a smile spread across my face.

“Excuse me, but sir I would probably go with that one if it is her first…more songs less talking.” I say as I give the little girl a wink.

The little girl smiled up at me and said proudly, “Daddy is teaching me about good music.”

“Well he is a smart man. Did you know that the Beach Boys are one of the greatest bands in history”?

“Oh I know that,” she said as she put her hands on her hips.

I bent down to her eye level and gave her a smile, “Well then you are one smart lady.”

This got a giggle out of her.

“Well Daddy says they are his Angels.”

The Father gives a laugh as he replaces the other DVD back on the shelf, going with my recommendation.

“Well that is how I met her mother, so we have a joke about it.”

The little girl, dressed in a simple pink outfit is almost too cute for words.

I had had such a rough day that probably anything remotely sweet was going to be too cute for words. But, seriously, too cute for words. Then again, any young kid learning good music is a soft spot for me.

Angels he said? What of Angels? Do we all have them? Do they guide us?

I reached across the shelf and pulled out another band and hand it to the little girl.

“Well these guys are my Angels. I bet if you ask nicely he might get you this one too.” I say as I stand up straight and get ready to wish them a good day.

“Hey thanks for the recommendations.” The father says politely.

I wished them a good day and walked away.

I was still in earshot when I heard the little girl ask, “Daddy who was that pretty lady, I like her.”

“I don’t know sweet pea. Maybe she was an Angel.”

Now…that was too cute for words.

Help a kid learn good music: Free

Feel a bit better: 15.99 (Hey I told you I usually buy something)

Realize I am somebody’s Angel: Priceless

Friday, August 25, 2006

The Semester Started I took a break from blogging this week so I could settle into a routine.

I promise to be back in a couple of days since I have A LOT To Blog about :)

Until then have a fabulous weekend and please pray for The Angels series against the Yanks.


Monday, August 21, 2006

We Still Have Clubs and Cliques

One of the things I got to attend this weekend was the annual San Diego SurfDog Competition held on Imperial Beach (the southern most beach before Mexico) with a big party afterwards at Coronado.

My Aunts Pet Boutique Store ( shameless promotion I know) was one of the major sponsors so I went to lie out on the beach and catch these talented pups in action.

As I lay there I got to think how funny it is that everyone has such unique ideas of what to be passionate about. Surfers. Music Snobs. Shoppers. It seems everyone picks one or two things and sticks with them, mastering the art of the Pointless Talent.

I can’t surf (I have a couple of times but I am not that great), I can’t snowboard (bad experience) and I sure as hell can’t get any of my dogs to Hang Ten. But there are people everywhere, bonded by these passions and extracurricular activities that make them unique.

How many people do you know that met their significant other at some sort of event for their quirky obsession? – surfers hang with surfers, music snobs flock together….

I first got to thinking about this during another recent San Diego trip where I found myself accidentally immersed in the National Over The Line Tournament. I barely knew this game and yet thousands turned up from around the Nation to celebrate the game and a weekend of debauchery.

And now we have SurfDogs. The ultimate extravagance in Dog obsession.

So what are my quirky obsessive talents or passions that cause me to belong to cliques that rival high school?

If now were high school, and we had a national yearbook…what would it say next to my picture?

Rachel Heather –Member of…

…The Music Snob Club…

…The Dancer Club…

…The Dog lover club…

…New Yorkers Unite….

….Why Shoes Make an Outfit Club…

…Handbag Nation…

…Baseball is Life, the rest if just Details Club…

….Mastering Persuasion Club...

Maybe my dog can’t surf, but I can sure make him look handsome in an outfit.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Life and Death

I am leaving town for the weekend but before that...a long day at work

I am walking around to the different sections of the hospital to drop off the day’s news flashes. I come to a familiar door and tension sets in. The ICU.

My breath quickens as I flash my badge to buzz me in. I don’t like this place. This place smells of death and decay. There are family members in waiting rooms outside looking pale and people inside stuck in isolated rooms.

Many people in the ICU are elderly. Frail and weak, nearing the end of their life and I feel as if that essence rubs off on me whenever I walk through there.

I pass by a women and glance in her room. She looks about 100 years old. Tubes are sticking out of her and she is lying down with her mouth agape because of a breathing tube.

I shudder.

This place smells like death.

It seems this place is a passageway to the other side.

Do these people know they will die?

Even though many people in the ICU live, surviving heart attacks, strokes, etc…many must know that this might be their final destination before they head up to the Pearly gates. I venture to guess that this lady, who looks about 100 years old, knows somewhere inside her that age is catching up to her and she will probably die.

At that moment I hear a “Code Blue” on the intercom and a rush of people run into 100-year-olds room. Her heart stopped beating.

Is it the end?

I rush out of there before I could find out. I don’t like death. I don’t understand it, and my best bet is to stay far away from it.

My next stop is the Women’s Hospital. It is the place where, it seems, every woman in Orange County goes to give birth thanks to the best doctors, best birthing suites and great press. The skylights in there give a bright happy feeling to the place and it smells like baby lotion and flowers. Much better.

I pass by an open suite as I head to the nurses station. I glance inside to see a young mother holding a bundled up tiny baby.

She has this glow on her face. She coos at her baby and her proud husband stands over her snapping five thousand pictures. Family and friends are gathered in the room to celebrate. I see a “It’s a Girl” balloon attached to some flowers.

I smile at that image. New life is always a happy occasion.

It seems that image has just washed away the deathly images I have leftover from the ICU.

Even though this new baby will one day make the transition to old lady...even though I know it all comes full circle...I can't help but smile.

Yes, I think to myself, death is certain…but Life, new Life…is much happier to think about.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

You Can Get Away With Anything When You Are Adorable

For the next two weeks I am babysitting a kitten. This is a big deal being that it is sort of a “test run” to see if I can take care of an animal at my apartment (my animals live with my parents).

This one pound black embodiment of all that is evil and adorable is sitting next to me sleeping.

She looks so cute when she sleeps.

Oh, if only she could sleep for 24 hours.

I walk around my apartment and all of a sudden this evil yet adorable thing attacks my feet. I type on my keypad and she attacks my hands. This apartment is now her plaything.

I want to not like her. I want to yell at her.

She just bit me.

But, then she gives me this “look.” This look, as if to say, “I am so adorable that no matter what I do you will love me,” makes me want to hug her and scream at the same time.

My feet and hands have been attacked. She is now on the ground chasing the air. But, this adorable evil creature has clawed into my heart. Awwwwwww

Now I get why I get away with so much. You sure get away with a lot when you are adorable.

Sunday, I went to lunch and a movie with my “scary movie buddy.” This is not a title I gave him but more of a title that was formed by the fact that he is now the only person in my life that will see a scary movie with me. Everyone else quit that job. So SMB fell into the job because he is brave and does not mind pain.

We went to see The Decent. I highly recommend this movie to anyone who likes the genre. It is one of the scariest, but well made, scary movies I have seen in a long long time. It, not only gets you with the fright fest, but it gets under your skin psychologically. Darkness, closed spaces, being trapped…and then the flesh eating monsters come out.
Poor Scary Movie Buddy….I actually drew blood this time.

It started with a certain scene (I won't give it away) and then escalated from there. I grabbed his arm in a panic and hid my face from the screen. He yelled out in pain and turned to give me a glare. I gave him a "look" as if to say, "I am so adorable I can get away with anything."

He cautiously let me hold onto him for the rest of the movie. He just made sure he was prepared.

Ya see, me and Kitty....not too different now are we? We can both draw blood and get away with it. Though, I have to admit...she is far cuter than I am when she sleeps.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Sometimes Mothers Know Exactly What to Say

sorry for my vanishing act. I had a busy week. Shopgirl - you are close in your thinking, but not found at the beach.

Saturday, at my grandfather’s birthday my dad interrupted the loud banter to make a toast.

“I would like to make a toast to my lovely wife,” he said, “she just got promoted to Director and it’s a big huge deal and I could not be more proud of her.”

Clinking of the wine followed.

I am very proud of my mother. It is a great accomplishment.

“I would also like to congratulate my son for his new contract at work which is amazing. And to my son and his wife for their very first home purchase.”

I mentally roll things over in my head. No contracts for me. No home ownership. Do I get a toast too? Everyone else in my immediate family did.

So I pipe up jokingly, “And congrats to Rachel for being the little black sheep’!

“That is so like you Rachel,” Brother said, “Always trying to hog the spotlight.”

Where is the sense of humor here, I thought it was funny!

But all joking aside, sometimes I wish I had some major thing like a promotion. I guess being happy is not a big accomplishment anymore.

My mother, who was sitting down in front of me, turns around and gives me a look like she knows exactly what I am thinking.

She leans into me and whispers,

“And I would like to toast my daughter for being the best daughter anyone could ask for.”

And then I thought to myself, “yeah that IS something to toast about.”

I walked away smiling, because I have one hell of a mother.

Even if she was fibbing….just a little.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Tell Me What You Know

You Know…

You know when someone is insecure if when you compliment them they call you a bitch.

You know when someone is addicted to baseball when they schedule their work, dates, and sex around a game.

You know when someone is addicted to shopping when they get thank you notes from sales people saying, “Thank you so much for allowing me to get my new plasma.”

You know when someone is obsessed with their dog when you call them and they begin to tell you about their “pooh bear’s” bowel movements,

You know when someone loves you when you piss him or her off and they give you a hug anyway.

You know when someone is comfortable around you when they let out a loud fart and laugh instead of saying “excuse me.”

You know you have been ordering some odd stuff on Amazon when The Art of Fellacio comes up on the “Recommended for you based on what you have bought” page.

You know you are a geek when you collect any sort of dolls, figurines, or overpriced collectables on ebay of your obsession (major bonus points if you have any dolls of said obsession and are male)

You know you are not in Kansas anymore when you see a fat man wearing a diaper and cupid wings.

You know you have a good friend when you can see them after being apart for a long time and it is as if nothing has changed.

You know you have faith when everything can be going wrong and you keep on walking forward anyway.

You know you need a car wash when a homeless man writes “Wash me I am dirty” in the dirt on the back window.

You know you will always put your foot in your mouth when anyone asks you to guess his or her age/weight/attractive factor.

You know you can know a lot about a person based upon how they treat the waiter.

You know that after a few New Castles…everyone seems funnier.

You know you are a dancer when you are actually looking forward to the move, Step Up.

You know you love music when you plan vacations around concerts.

You know you can always feel good or even just a little bit better.

You know that the most important thing is to Follow Your Bliss.

Tell me…what do you know?

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Dreams Dreams Dreams

We all have weird vivid nutty dreams sometimes. I will show you mine if you show me yours….deal? By the way, I loved everyones comments about beliefs (Yes all of them) :)

Allright here we go….

I am sitting on a boat, looking at the sunset. I am waiting for that exact moment when the sun slips away and for a brief moment of time a green flash appears. There is a cool wind over the warm air and as I sit there with my feet dangling over the edge of the boat a voice echoes behind me…

“Who are you?” she asks.

I turn around and an old woman is standing behind me. She is little and yet seems strong. Lines give evidence of her age but her flashing, vibrant eyes contradict that. She sits down beside me and dangles her bare feet over the edge.


“I am Rachel.” I reply

The sun is nearing its decent for the day and the clouds are now illuminated beautiful colors of orange and purple.

“I didn’t ask your name dimwit. I asked who you were”

“Hey this is my dream! Are you allowed to call me a dimwit in my dream”?

Seeing her silence I decide to give her what she wants

“Well I am a girl, I am a girl who likes music and baseball and shopping and pretty things and writing…”

She stops me cold and replies, “I didn’t ask what you like. Damn you really don’t know do you.”

“Well, since you think I am some ass monkey who does not know red from green why don’t you TELL ME WHO I AM” I reply angrily.

“Watch the sunset.”

I look over and at the moment the sun disappears behind the ocean. A green flash emerges and then quickly dissipates and all that is left is the bright colors of the orange sky.

I sigh. This is some fucked up dream.

“Rachel. What you are is what you desire. Desire makes you who you are. Think about that and I will get back to you.”

With that she is gone and once again I am on the boat watching the stars emerge.

Suddenly, I am in the city. The big city. How did I get here? Oh yeah, this is a dream.

The streets are completely empty and I find myself sitting on the stoop of a pre war building.

I notice a man walking towards me. He is, also an older man. He is tall and distinguished with a head full of gray hair. His clothes seem outdated but he walks with a confident step.

“Hey Mister,” I shout at him, ‘Where did everybody go”?

“’Fraid it is just me Miss. But I am here to help you.” He smiles a warm smile and I notice his laugh lines crinkle a bit when he does.

“I don’t need help though.”

“Yes you do. You want to know the meaning of life.”

“Ummmm, doesn’t everyone”?

He hands me a box and asks me to open it to learn what the meaning of life is and then walks away.

I stare down at the box in my hands and turn to open the lock.

It is empty inside. Empty? The meaning of life is empty?

“Hey Old man!” I call after him. “I don’t get it. How can the meaning of life be nothing”?

He stops walking and turns around. His lips curve into a smug smile and he throws his hands up in the air.

“This is your dream, little one…why don’t you tell me”?

I hate mind games!

“Life is meaningless”?

“Well duh!” he replies. Do old people say “duh”?

“Then what is the point of living?” I say, getting a little upset.

“Good question. But then again if life were meaningless, then the point of living is what you decide to put in that box then huh”?

And, with that he walks away again.

Once again I am sitting on the boat and am alone. It is nighttime now and the only sounds are the gentle lapping of the water against the base of the boat. I hear a noise behind me and look to see a man. Not just any man. It is HIM!! He is here!!! Damn better than two old people! HE came!!!

He sits down beside me and grabs my hand. I look him over and smile.

“So are you ready?” he asks eagerly.

“Ready for what”?

“To fill that box with what you desire of course! You think I sent old wise people for nothing?!”

Ohhhhhhhh….now I get it!!

“Well what do I have to do”?

“OK grab my hand. Don’t worry I won’t let you go, cross my heart,” he says as he gives a slight wink.

I grab a hold of his hand and we stand up on the ledge of the boat.
“You ready”?

“I am ready.”

“Ready to get everything you desire?” he says softly

“I am ready damnit now tell me what to do”!!

Patience is not my strong suit. Obviously. Plus this is like the weirdest dream I have ever had.

“All you have to do is let go.”

And with that he tightens his grip on my hand and we jump into the dark sea below us.

Monday, July 31, 2006

What Do You Believe?

I believe that all is fair in love and rock n’ roll. I believe that the path to Eden leads straight through paradise. I believe that your soul meets your body where the ocean meets the sand, I believe in Juicy Couture Jeans. I believe that the cost of freedom is buried in the ground. That Sodomy is between God and me. In red wine. In New Castle. In 85% dark chocolate. I believe that you can seduce someone with your eyes or an ass wiggle when you walk. I believe in change. I believe we are young despite the years. We are concern. We are hope despite the times. I believe in green eyes. In security blankets. In the difference between self-love and conceit. I believe music saves your mortal soul. That baseball is a class act and that tivo is the greatest invention since sliced bread. I believe that I have so much life running through my veins that I am going insane. Lets imitate reality. I believe I am the radio song, the one that you turned up. I believe that love will be my strongest weapon. That Oral is fun. In concerts. In scary movies and romantic comedies. I believe there is nothing you cannot be do or have. I believe that guys with good taste in music are more interesting and better looking. I believe in a thing called love. I believe in superheroes. I believe I can get whatever I want. I believe I get everything I want eventually. I believe Mr. Big was a better guy to be with than Aiden. I believe everybody needs somebody to love. I believe in caffeine, in high heels and flip-flops. I believe in peace rather than being anti-war. I believe that since everyone is dying, maybe it is time we live. I believe it is never too late. I believe it takes courage to right a wrong, to take it back, to apologize and swallow our pride. I believe in grabbing my guy’s ass in public...and holding his hand. I believe we are allowed to want what we want without anyone saying otherwise and I believe that the Angel’s will kick the A’s ass this week and come out on top. I believe in sunrises and poetry. In ice cubes and electronic bill pay. I believe nothing is wrong, hats only work on some girls, and the ego is the only cause of ones suffering. I believe in kissing…lots and lots of kissing and really hot showers…with someone in there with you. I believe true love shouldn’t be easy to find, cause then the quest to get it would have no reward. I believe hindsight is 20/20, springtime in New York is perfect, America is a pretty damn good country, mint chocolate chip ice cream is a great accessory to summer and guys with fake tans cannot be trusted. I believe in the hot dog, the Koala bear and diamonds….lots of diamonds.
I believe in filing my cup and making me happy, in lazy days and passion fruit.

Dear ones, tell me….what do you believe?

And bonus points to anyone who can tell me what song lyrics are sprinkled in there : )

Friday, July 28, 2006

How Rachel Heather Lost Her Modesty

This is a quite embarrassing (not for me but maybe for readers) story and deeply personal and yet recent conversations have inspired me to write it. If you are modest and/or blush easily…please skip now.

As I have touched upon before, I got very sick when I was 13 and as such had to be put on very high doses of prednisone. I am not talking about the doses they give to asthma patients. I am talking about doses as high as they gave Mickey Mantle post transplant. Many of you may not remember, but post transplant with all that prednisone (a type of steroid) he ballooned out. Need a visual? Think of Violett in Willy Wonka.

So there I am at 13, gaining 45 pounds on my very tiny frame. People actually stopped recognizing me but I will get into that story later.

Fast forward a couple of years and all of that weight had come off, I was my petite self again and back to dancing. Except one thing. My freaking boobs were gianourmous! You know those anorexic looking models or porn stars with HUGE boobs and you have to wonder if they might topple over if the wind picked up even the slightest? That is Rachel Heather at the age of 15.

I hated it. OK girls I know what you may be thinking (“is she nuts” comes to mind) but picture a 4’11” (ok fine at that time I was more in the 4’9” category) who was 90 pounds with melons that might look normal on a girl of the 5’7” variety but looked quite “odd” on me. Factor in that being a competitive dancer ain't a good thing if you have large jugs.

Age 16, I finally convinced my mother to let me get a Breast Reduction. I called it a very expensive conversion back to tiny tank tops with no bra.

Was I nervous? No.

I was not nervous when I went in for my consultation and had to disrobe for my dad’s college roommate who happens to be the best plastic surgeon in town.

I was not nervous when he took pictures of my breasts.

I was not nervous when he grabbed a red marker and starting drawing on my boobies making me look like a porno version of a circus clown.

“What size do you want to be?” he asked me.

I immediately liked and trusted him because he did not ask my mother that question, he asked me. I also had seen pictures of him drunk, flipping off the camera, in the old UCLA dorm so I had blackmail just in case he fucked it up.

“I just want to be the size I was supposed to be, as if I were never on the meds,” I explained to him.

Much to the shock and awe of my friends and fellow dancers I went ahead and scheduled the surgery.

As I walked into the hospital on the morning of my surgery the nerves finally set in. Though, I was determined not to show it I secretly just wanted to hold my mothers hand through the whole damn thing.

It was one thing for my doctor to feel my Cha Chas but quite another to have a room full of surgeons, anesthesiologists, nurses, interns and residences' all staring at my naked body while it was being cut to shreds, prodded, poked, maneuvered, and sewn back together again. I had not even gotten naked in front of a boy yet and here I was putting on a whole show!

See when I put it that way who would not want to shit their pants?

I sat in the pre-op room and took off my clothes and Dr. Vladamir (yes my plastic surgeon was named Vladamir….I see your smirks) came in to discuss the procedure and do my pre-op clown markings.

I handed him a size XS pretty purple tank top with no room for a bra or anything besides a b-cup.

“Just in case you forgot the size"! I told him, trying to use humor to deflect my feeling of impending doom.

By now you all probably think I am totally nuts. Stick with me.

I am wheeled into the operating room and a friendly (almost too the kind that try to smile really big when they tell you that you are going to die) nurse walks in. She is too enthusiastic and it makes me want slap her except she has drugs in her hand so I would rather play nice so she can share the wealth.

“Would you like something to relax?” she asks me

“Hell yeah,” I say, “I will take whatever it is you got”

She inserts a needle into my IV while telling me this would help with the nerves.

I don’t even remember falling asleep. All I remember is opening my eyes, feeling heavy and glancing at the clock to see that it is 6 hours after I first went into the operating room.

Holy shit! That witch tricked me!

OK at this point I am on drugs so the thoughts coming out of my head will have to remain classified for I don’t want any readers to judge my sanity.

The surgery was a success. I was given my own suite in the hospital (benefits of having a dad that is one of the head honchos) and was catered to by many nurses including one very handsome man who I think I made a bad first impression on.

I didn’t do much; I just threw up on him…no biggie right?

Everyone made a big deal about it. It might have been the exquisite morphine but, honestly, nothing really fazed me. I felt pain (pain like I cannot even describe so I won’t) but then it went away and I was floating up in the air and laughing. Or I was sleeping. When the pain was not there, I only felt pressure.

They told me I could not dance for six weeks. I was back dancing in four.

When I head back to the dance studio my dance teacher takes me into the backroom and asks to see my new boobies. No, this is not odd. My dance teacher has known me since I was three; she was just excited for me. So I went and showed her my boobs along with some fellow dancers. I got big huge hug (as much of a hug as you can give someone with a big bandage and stitches)

From then on out, I did not give two flying shits who I showed them to. Friends saw them. My best guy friends saw them. I was so proud I might as well have walked around topless shouting to the world, “Hey look at these! Look at how perky they are!!!”

When I went to visit my plastic surgeon for my post surgery check up his response was, “Gorgeous. Just perfect.”

To this day it does not bother me. I have gone into the bathrooms at nightclubs to show complete strangers because after hearing that they want to get one, and I confess I have had one, they promptly want to see if I have any scars and judge my boobs on whether or not they should get one.

So that is how I lost all my modesty at the age of 16. People saw me naked. People saw me throw up on them. People saw me ramble about God-knows-what while on morphine, people saw my breasts with stitches…and when that happens, how can you remain modest?

I loved my Cha Chas after that. Occasionally I would accidentally find myself grabbing them. Even to this day sometimes my trainer has to nudge me while at the gym because I forget I am feeling myself up in public.

Sometimes people ask me if it was worth it. Yes it was horrifically painful, more pain then I have ever felt. (I glossed over the pain part because hello, blog has been depressing lately). Yes I had scars. (Though they are so so faded now that you have to get real real real close to see them. How close? Well put it this way, if you are not my boyfriend you probably won’t notice. In fact one boyfriend never did...not very attentive that one)

So when anyone wonders, why I like my body so much and why I am not modest in the least about being naked, I always tell them, “Well my dad’s college roommate saw me naked, I figure everything else is just gravy.”

Besides, I have ten thousand dollar boobs and how many women can say that?!?!

Wait, I live in I guess a lot huh?

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The "Block" is a Deadly Thing

The past few days I have had an uncharacteristic case of Writer’s Block. It does not happen often but it does happen sometimes. I usually sit and wait it out, take a break from writing and whatnot. But, my newfound promise to myself to write 1-2 hours a day NO MATTER WHAT has made it impossible for me to wait out this BLOCK.

So I aimed to consult the experts.

One expert that comes to mind, as always, is one of my personal heroes, Ray Bradbury. I have taken much of his advice on writing to heart, including his main rule of, “If you want to be a writer, then write.” I have seen him speak a few times and always forget to ask him this important question. What do you do when you are blocked for ideas?

Michael Stipe once got very very blocked. So he traveled and during this album, where he was so blocked, they ended up recording it in a few different places because of his blockage. However, as always, and maybe because of the traveling and seeing new places, he got rid of it. BUT I am not traveling anytime in the next month so....there goes that solution.

So the next personal writing hero…Kevin Smith. Kevin’s style, though not liked by some, is an inspiration to me. Not only can he write amazing dialogue but also he never never never stops writing. When he is not writing a movie, he is writing a book. When he not writing a book he is updating his blog. He blogs all the time. He writes all the time and not once have I ever seen him take much of a break. I did not get to personally ask him the question of what he does when he has writers block. However, on a DVD of his he addresses this subject.
In short, Kevin said he has never had much of a problem with writer’s block and when he does he just “rubs one out” and it is over.

So is that what I am supposed to do?

Is the answer to many writers’ frustrations simply to “rub one out”?

I can’t imagine myself in a meeting with my future boss when he asks me how my “front page feature” is coming along (This is my fantasy I get front page) and I answer,

“Well boss, I am kind of stuck right now. I am going to go to the bathroom with my Jack Rabbit vibrator here and I will see what I can come up with.”

Yeah I can imagine that solution might not be worker appropriate.

So I ask all of you out there, and those of you that are writers…how do you get rid of “The Block.”

Enlighten me.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Make Sure You Act Like a Kid Sometimes

As I was taking an early afternoon nap on the sofa I saw the blinds being closed on the floor to ceiling window adjacent to me, blocking out the late afternoon sun.

“Why did you do that”? I said groggily.

“The peeping Toms are back” was the answer.

I was being protected.

And who were these Peeping Toms that spent their afternoon taking pictures of me through a window?

Two Thirteen-Year-Old boys. Two young boys who take pictures of the apartment as well as heckle girls down on the street while humping the air. Classy. It is hard to believe such young kids can be so perverted. What happened to the days when young boys spent their time with legos and star wars figures? These kids spend their days dry humping a balcony gate while invading others' private time.

On Sunday, during the day, before our evening concert, the day was spent at Sea World.

I got to see Shamu and the Polar Bears. I got to feed the dolphins and get wet on water rides. I felt like a kid again.

Marine animals are another thing I am obsessed with (take a look at my 100 things post and you will see one number about Orcas).

As I watched these animals I loved and adored I got to thinking about my own childhood.

I was one of the lucky children. I had a childhood filled with hope and beauty and love. I got to have my innocence for as long as possible and now, as an adult, I cherish spending days reliving that childhood where everything seemed magnificent.

As the day came to an end, and we walked out of the park carrying multiple bags full of goodies I got to thinking about my peeping toms.

I was not angry or upset. I just felt sorry for them. Because, where is their childhood?

When they are all grown up with women problems are they going to look back at their childhood and love every memory of it? Or will they be in therapy discussing how their women troubles began when they were young boys who took pictures of women while they slept?

I know I am not a kid anymore. But, it is nice to know if I ever need it...Shamu is just a car ride away.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

The Apple May Fall Far From The Tree...

But...the the seeds are still the same

They say the apple never falls far from the tree. I always disagreed with that statement because I don’t look like most people in my family (except a few features here and there) and I have always considered myself the oddball black sheep that everyone looks at and thinks, “Did that girl come from my blood”?

I have always been the girl who never identified with my families great business skills, mathematical ability and the natural inclination to never get into any trouble. My parents are both successful business people and what everyone loves about me at my job is “my personality and smile.” My mom does my taxes and I cannot even grasp the idea of Quicken. My father is even keel and calm and I have enough energy to illuminate New York for a week. Don’t get me wrong; I happen to think I will be very successful as well. But, my strengths are nothing like my families’ strengths.

However, at certain times I have been shown some evidence that, while I may be the oddball in the family, there are some traits they did pass on to me.

The evidence

So, how did I get so interested in the body?

When I walked into my grandmothers house a couple of weeks ago I was greeted by my very beautiful grandmother who then proceeded to lift up her dress.

“Look at these glutes sweetie! Can you believe how tight they are for a woman turning 70!”?

“Wow Grandma, yeah you have a great body”

“I know,” she said still holding her dress up, showing her black lacy underwear, “Come on feel them, and I don’t even have cellulite”!

And my obsession with shopping?

Text message received by Mother on the day of the Nordstrom sale:

“Hi sweetie. I am running to the Nordies sale. Do you want me to pick you up any Hanky Panky Panties? I am not going to get much, probably just the one D&B bag.”

Five Hours Later

“Hi sweetie, I got four pairs of shoes and three handbags in honor of Nala.”

I text message back: “Ummmm, I thought Dad gave you a budget”?

She writes back: “He did. But, I am emotional.”

My openness to talk about butts, boobs, and penises anywhere and everywhere?

I am standing in my parents kitchen when my dad says, “Ya know I think Boris (my pug) has a penis complex.”


“Well I feel bad for the guy, he has a small penis.”

I am sitting with my eight-year-old cousin watching a Britney Spears DVD.

“Rachel, look at that,” she says, “I can see her nipple”!

My obsession with reading?

All four walls of my parents three-car garage is lined floor to ceiling with books. I have three bookshelves in my apartment of books and four more at my parents’ house of books that would not fit here.

My love for music?

I walk into my parents house to the sounds of Creedance Cleerwater playing loudly in the background. My father is in the kitchen and I am not sure which I can hear louder…the CD or my father putting food in the microwave and singing at the top of his lungs, “Dowwwwnnnn onn the Cornerrrrrrr”

Don’t even get me started about when he sings “Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds.”

Every single time I visit my brother he hands me a stack of about 10 CDs and all he says is, “Here listen to these.”

So maybe my apple did fall far from the tree…but they at least passed on some of the flavor. Maybe I am not adopted after all.

So what traits and/or interests do you all think have been passed down to you from your family?

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Take Off The Mask and Show Me You

On Saturday my very cute outfit was topped off with my very very cute and very sexy Juicy Couture Newsboy hat. When I wear that hat (as is the same when I wear my Burberry hat) I feel like a Queen Bee. I feel even more confident and sexy than I already think I am.

The hat is my black feather (Dumbo reference for those of you that forget such good movies). I can fly when I wear my hat.

As we are walking, or should I say sauntering, to the various bars we were going to I was told that a couple of them were very hard to get in to.

“We might have to wait a bit Rach.”

“Oh no problem," I shrug off.

We get to On Broadway, a huge huge nightclub built in an old bank. It has seven dance floors including a soundproof dance floor in the old vault.

A line had formed outside.

As we walk up I jump over the rope, cut in line and head toward the bouncer.

I flash a smile at the bouncer and he smiles back.

“Would you like to come inside?” he asks.

Since when do bouncers invite?

“Yeah me and him” I reply.

Wow, I thought to myself. That is four clubs I did not have to wait in line at tonight! It is the hat! My hat is lucky.

We made our way down the stairs and into the vault room where we settled on some sofas to take in our surroundings.

“Rachel, you know you could get any guy you want right”?

“No I cannot” I reply.

“I am just being honest”

“Since when are you the authority?” I know I can’t get just any guy. “I look like crap in the morning, trust me. I just clean up well,” I say trying to keep the conversation light.

Because, I know I am not perfect. We covered that illusion. I know I have my "faults" and I know I am no model or even the next Bill Gates.

But then I got to thinking…

Is it really the tight jeans and the hat that makes me bypass lines, receive heartwarming compliments, and all the love I have?

What if I was to just stand there completely bare? No hat. No makeup. Hair a mess. No clothing. Nothing but me and all of me. Would I still get it all?

We wear “masks” to become something else. A perfect example of this is Jim Carrey in the movie, The Mask. We have personas and we have roles we play. We feel confident in a certain outfit. We feel sexy in another. We feel powerful in our business suits and we feel successful in another. Baseball players have lucky socks they don't wash. And even Presidents and politicial people wear the "red tie."

But what if we strip it all away? What if I show all of me? Am I still that girl? Can we be so lucky even without our lucky charm?

It might come as a surprise but I don’t let people see all of me easily. It takes a lot of trust to let somebody in to see all of who I am. But those that have seen it, love why the mask?

“You really think I can get any guy I want”?

“You’re the package that is for sure.”

So maybe it is what is under the mask that makes us special. We don’t need special jeans or lucky hats or any rabbit’s feet. Dumbo was able to fly without the feather.

His belief in himself made it so.

It was then that I realized that who I am is enough to get exactly what I want.

“I think I am rather drunk” I smile.

And then, I let myself just be.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Nordstroms, Nudity and Guys

“Hey where are you? Why is it so noisy”?

“I am at THE Nordies sale, remember”?

I have my ear-piece in and I am talking on the phone as I make my way through the crowded aisles full of very aggressive women spending more money than they do in an entire year while their husbands, boyfriends and fathers read the newspaper and groan at the café upstairs.

Yes I am talking about the Anniversary Sale, a National Holiday in my neck of the woods. The ladies line up at 6:00 a.m just so they can be the first to grab the heavily discounted fall lines before they either a) sells out (which the hot items often do on the first day) or b) before the prices go up in two weeks.

This sale is the only sale where NEW clothes go on sale first. It is all new. It is all wanted. And, it turns normally dignified women into raging loonies.

“ still there”?

“Yeah I am still here. It is nuts”!

“I almost forgot you and that sale thing. Hey do they have men’s clothes too”?

“Of course they do!” I say with excitement. “It is all very hot, hot, hot”!

“Well do they have any of those shirts, ya’ know, that I wear”?

Well isn’t that typical guy speak. That is like asking someone if they have that movie. You know? That movie? That movie with the guy in it? Seriously.

“What shirts? Which ones? You have a lot of shirts.”

“Ya’ know with the thing. The thing on the front of it.” He replies.

See what I mean?

If this were a woman she would be telling me the brand, the size, the date of manufacture and what shoes she might have that go with it. But no, this is a guy and all I get is, “the thing.”

Hearing my laughter he responds, “Well it’s like a lizard.”

“You mean an alligator”?

“Yes YES. That’s the one. Can you see if they have those”?

“It is called Lacoste, dumby, and I will see what I can find.”

I hang up the phone and head over to the mens section. It is far less crowded and no one seems to be fighting.

I look to the right towards the women’s handbags and notice two women arguing over the last brown suede Coach bag.

I let out a sigh and wonder…

Men don’t give a shit what we wear. They only care what is underneath what we wear. So I have to wonder who women are really dressing up for? Is it for ourselves? Is it for other women, like a competition? No guy I have ever known or been with has given two flying hoots whether my jeans are Frankie B or Frankie Generic. Now gather, men seem to be progressing toward dressing in finer clothes (even if they have no idea what it is called) But, the obsession is still very much one sided.

I head over to the jewelry section, eyeing the diamonds and pearls and ponder the thought… Is it worth all the fuss? Is it worth all the time and energy?

Then I spot it.

Beautiful Pave diamond necklace. Fit for only a princess. The facets of the diamonds twinkle and my eyes light up.

Someone once said that the most sexy a women could look is naked wearing nothing but diamonds. Well that is fashion too.

So is it worth it?

I look around and notice everyone smiling.

Yeah, I think I’ll stick around.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

100 Things About Me

In an effort to feel better I have decided to be a total narcissist. What is it about lists that are fun? Ahh well, not to question it I will just go with it. The idea was taken from my dear friend Nigel so with that I give you 100 things you probably never knew and did not want to know about me. Enjoy and maybe give me some tidbits about you. I love when people share ;)

1. I have watched all six seasons of Sex in the City on DVD so much that my DVDs are almost ruined.
2. I have a Jade Charm I keep in my pocket at all times and whenever I touch it I say something out loud that I am grateful for.
3. I am one of those rare girls that really likes her ass
4. When I was a toddler my mom used to put me and my brother in a bath together to save time (she was a working women) but that promptly stopped once she overheard me saying to him, “What is that? Does it grow?”
5. I have read The Count of Monte Cristo a total of seven times. It is 1200 pages long.
6. I have had major surgery once in my life when I was 16 years old.
7. I have broken my left wrist twice. I loved my purple cast because I thought it was cool.
8. I won my first writing award in the fourth grade for a very long, run on story about a girl named Danielle who runs away to the beach
9. I have studied metaphysics and the Kama sutra extensively. Both are not what people think they are
10. My uncle is only 7 years older than me and grew up more like my brother than an uncle. However, he still cringes if I so much as mention even kissing a guy.
11. My first portable music device was a Walkman called “My First Sony.” I would fall asleep at night listening to Billy Joel and The Beatles.
12. I have had to be rescued by a lifeguard three times. I had to be given oxygen once.
13. Much to my brothers embarrassment I used to take my cabbage patch kids to the mall in the special designer cabbage patch kid stroller.
14. The carpet does not match the curtains because I got rid of the carpet.
15. My first case of puppy love is now on The Real World and whenever I watch it I am amazed how much my tastes have changed since high school.
16. I have lived with one guy and I learned from that that guys don’t like to clean their hair out of the shower.
17. My senior year of high school I was voted Worst Driver, Best Photographer, and was second place for Best Eyes.
18. When I was five I lied and told my neighbors that I was a princess and got to go to Disneyland every weekend. I expected them to believe me.
19. I have a “face” I use when asking for something I want. This usually only works on dads, boyfriends, and guy friends. My mom has yet to fall for it.
20. I can read people’s subconscious motives and hidden depths very easily.
21. I always over pack. A girl has to have options.
22. I love lingerie. I LOVE lingerie.
23. I own about 400 DVDs. I own about 1500 albums.
24. I almost was not able to walk at my high school graduation because out of 50 seniors who did the senior prank, I was the only one the cops where able to chase down.
25. I dance in my panties in my living room whenever I get alone time.
26. I get very into celebrity gossip and am very skeptical that Tom and Katie had a baby. (Just read about the new birth certificate drama)
27. I am scuba certified but have not been diving in a few years.
28. I am not that innocent. But, I sure look it.
29. Everything I used to hate about myself I now love (my height, my temperment, etc.)
30. I read poetry, philosophy and cheesy chick lit.
31. I went to Mexico four times without my parents ever knowing. They thought I was camping.
32. I once drove to Vegas by myself. It took me 8 hours because as luck would have it (or not have it) I ran across a plane crash, witnessed a horrible car accident (where I had to help the guy out of the car and give a report to the police) and got stuck in the middle of the desert for two hours with nowhere to go because a car a mile ahead caught on fire.
33. When I was a baby everyone thought I looked like Pebbles Flintstone because my mom would pile my hair on top of my head with a clip.
34. I had a “boyfriend” in preschool that I played “doctor” with. He is now a baseball player and my mom and his mom still talk.
35. My kindergarten boyfriend is now also a baseball player
36. I once got lost in South Central Los Angeles in my mothers car at 5:00 in the morning.
37. I am addicted to shopping. I love shopping. I study the history of designers. Did you know Coach bags history lies in baseball?
38. I can get judgmental on people’s bodies (including mine)
39. I have very very ugly feet. 20 years of dancing and now running have taken its toll. When someone said to me, “Rach I bet they are not that bad,” he then looked at them and said, “Oh, you are right.” There are scars and cuts all over the place.
40. I got a tattoo on my butt when I was 16 and everyone found out about it except my mother who did not actually accidentally see it until I was 23.
41. I love Cosabella and Hanky Panky panties. Both are divine.
42. I know a lot more about things than people think I know.
43. I can remember conversations word for word that I have with people…even many years later.
44. I think three of the most amazing love songs are “You Are the Everything” by REM, “In My Life,” by The Beatles, and “God Only Knows” by The Beach Boys.
45. I already know what my wedding dress looks like.
46. I have been told I am both addicting and impossible. Sometimes both at the same time.
47. I once wanted to be a magician. As well as the following: an astronaut, a professional dancer, an actress, a PR rep, a writer, a Pilates instructor and photographer. Dancing stuck for 20 years. I sucked at acting. I found out magicians have horrible lives. I found out astronauts have to know science it is not only about flying. Writing and photography stuck. Pilates I am starting now.
48. I once adopted a whale: It was an Orca.
49. I love Neil Gaimen; most people are surprised about that.
50. There are two guys that I have met for only one minute each, in passing, that still remain etched in my memory very very vividly.
51. My sister in law thinks the only two things my brother and I have in common is our love for music and our ability to piss people off.
52. Until recently I was horribly naïve.
53. I silently fear success just as much as I do failure.
54. Cops let me and a bunch of people have a tailgate party at the Irvine REM show because I flirted with them and let them join the party.
55. One day I want a Yorkie named Demitri and a German Shepard named Brando
56. My parents don’t mind if I don’t marry as a Jewish guy as long as “he makes me happy and we have passion.”
57. I study music history incessantly.
58. I really like really raunchy jokes (i.e. anything that comes out of Kevin Smith’s mouth)
59. My ex boyfriend once stood on stairs blocking a rock star from getting to my room.
60. At times during the day the only thing on my mind is what guys usually have on their mind.
61. I will write a book, it will be called “Life and How to Live it” (those of you who got that reference are special)
62. I love eating peanut butter and peanuts. Peanut butter is extra crunchy. Peanuts are always planter’s honey roasted. I can eat an entire thing of peanuts.
63. When I was three I cracked my head open when I collided with a sliding glass door.
64. I drink diet cokes until they are half full and then put them back in the fridge. Right now there are 7 half full diet cokes in my fridge that I might not ever drink. However, I feel as if I am wasting money if I throw them away.
65. Every single REM album is used for a specific emotion I am feeling at a given time. Right now, it is Automatic for the People that is played whenever I feel sad.
66. My best girlfriends nickname for me is “Snatchy.” This is a name that has evolved. It started as Rach. Then moved on to Rach n Snatch. Then became Snatchy. It is not in reference to my private girly area, however, it does get some looks when they yell it in a crowded place.
67. I believe, and will always believe, that love conquers all. Love is all you need.
68. I have a fear of negative emotions and crawl into a hole when I feel them because I fear people don’t like to see that side of me.
69. I loved Pirates of the Caribbean so much that the first time I saw it I went out and bought a black pearl ring.
70. I once played Thumbalina as well as Hodel (Fiddler on the Roof) in a school play.
71. I want to have three children. I plan on being a hot mom.
72. I am 75% Russian and 25% Scottish. My Scottish heritage was Masons descending from King James.
73. I am a Scorpio.
74. I once went Bungee Jumping in Las Vegas.
75. I once burned my brother’s hand with a curling iron in purpose.
76. I got the chicken pox when I was 2 months old and had a total of 19 pox on my entire body.
77. To this day, I am not sure my father has ever said no to me.
78. I am only 4’11” and yet sources tell me I hog the bed completely.
79. I believe in magic and mysticism.
80. I am named after my Grandma Rose and my Grandma Hazel (Great Grandmas). And, I have four given names. Rachel Heather Shoshanna Hannah.
81. I love giving gifts. I also love receiving them. I am a great receiver.
82. An old old man once told me I was a “woman who runs with the wolves.” I am still not sure what he exactly meant.
83. My greatest gift, as well as my greatest curse is that I understand human behavior very well.
84. My favorite flowers are orange roses, not red.
85. I silently judge people based on the music they listen to. I have never dated a guy where I did not like their taste in music.
86. I got very very sick for a year when I was 13.
87. I have a hard time making eye contact until I know someone well enough to trust him or her.
88. I am a total pack rat. I collect everything. I have enough stuff to take up, not only my apartment but also two bedrooms of my parents house and a storage unit.
89. If I want something bad enough, I get it. If I want something to work bad enough, I make it work.
90. I have yet to figure out the true meaning of the poem Kubla Khan. I will accept help on this though I believe one might have to be high on Opium to find the true meaning.
91. I have a very overactive libido.
92. I am going to live in New York.
93. It took me a long time to finally realize I am worth it. However, I now know I am worth everything.
94. My Pug, Boris masturbates. He does it in front of people. Everyone talks about it. People have imitated it. He also grunts while he does it. He has no shame
95. I base my life around baseball and concerts.
96. I can quote Ace Ventura, Mall Rats, Shawshank Redemption, Love Actually, Bull Durham, Batman, Rent, The Lion King, As Good as it Gets, Spaceballs, When Harry Met Sally and Nightmare Before Christmas all by heart.
97. I have a big big big heart but hide it from those I don’t trust. I don’t trust easily, but trust completly when I do...and if I lose it then it takes moving mountains to get it back,
98. I have the natural ability to make people feel comfortable around me and share everything.
99. Depending on the day I am either very very very active or lazy. Rarely am I anything in between.
100. My coffee of choice is a Vanilla Latte Breve