Friday, July 28, 2006

How Rachel Heather Lost Her Modesty

This is a quite embarrassing (not for me but maybe for readers) story and deeply personal and yet recent conversations have inspired me to write it. If you are modest and/or blush easily…please skip now.

As I have touched upon before, I got very sick when I was 13 and as such had to be put on very high doses of prednisone. I am not talking about the doses they give to asthma patients. I am talking about doses as high as they gave Mickey Mantle post transplant. Many of you may not remember, but post transplant with all that prednisone (a type of steroid) he ballooned out. Need a visual? Think of Violett in Willy Wonka.

So there I am at 13, gaining 45 pounds on my very tiny frame. People actually stopped recognizing me but I will get into that story later.

Fast forward a couple of years and all of that weight had come off, I was my petite self again and back to dancing. Except one thing. My freaking boobs were gianourmous! You know those anorexic looking models or porn stars with HUGE boobs and you have to wonder if they might topple over if the wind picked up even the slightest? That is Rachel Heather at the age of 15.

I hated it. OK girls I know what you may be thinking (“is she nuts” comes to mind) but picture a 4’11” (ok fine at that time I was more in the 4’9” category) who was 90 pounds with melons that might look normal on a girl of the 5’7” variety but looked quite “odd” on me. Factor in that being a competitive dancer ain't a good thing if you have large jugs.

Age 16, I finally convinced my mother to let me get a Breast Reduction. I called it a very expensive conversion back to tiny tank tops with no bra.

Was I nervous? No.

I was not nervous when I went in for my consultation and had to disrobe for my dad’s college roommate who happens to be the best plastic surgeon in town.

I was not nervous when he took pictures of my breasts.

I was not nervous when he grabbed a red marker and starting drawing on my boobies making me look like a porno version of a circus clown.

“What size do you want to be?” he asked me.

I immediately liked and trusted him because he did not ask my mother that question, he asked me. I also had seen pictures of him drunk, flipping off the camera, in the old UCLA dorm so I had blackmail just in case he fucked it up.

“I just want to be the size I was supposed to be, as if I were never on the meds,” I explained to him.

Much to the shock and awe of my friends and fellow dancers I went ahead and scheduled the surgery.

As I walked into the hospital on the morning of my surgery the nerves finally set in. Though, I was determined not to show it I secretly just wanted to hold my mothers hand through the whole damn thing.

It was one thing for my doctor to feel my Cha Chas but quite another to have a room full of surgeons, anesthesiologists, nurses, interns and residences' all staring at my naked body while it was being cut to shreds, prodded, poked, maneuvered, and sewn back together again. I had not even gotten naked in front of a boy yet and here I was putting on a whole show!

See when I put it that way who would not want to shit their pants?

I sat in the pre-op room and took off my clothes and Dr. Vladamir (yes my plastic surgeon was named Vladamir….I see your smirks) came in to discuss the procedure and do my pre-op clown markings.

I handed him a size XS pretty purple tank top with no room for a bra or anything besides a b-cup.

“Just in case you forgot the size"! I told him, trying to use humor to deflect my feeling of impending doom.

By now you all probably think I am totally nuts. Stick with me.

I am wheeled into the operating room and a friendly (almost too the kind that try to smile really big when they tell you that you are going to die) nurse walks in. She is too enthusiastic and it makes me want slap her except she has drugs in her hand so I would rather play nice so she can share the wealth.

“Would you like something to relax?” she asks me

“Hell yeah,” I say, “I will take whatever it is you got”

She inserts a needle into my IV while telling me this would help with the nerves.

I don’t even remember falling asleep. All I remember is opening my eyes, feeling heavy and glancing at the clock to see that it is 6 hours after I first went into the operating room.

Holy shit! That witch tricked me!

OK at this point I am on drugs so the thoughts coming out of my head will have to remain classified for I don’t want any readers to judge my sanity.

The surgery was a success. I was given my own suite in the hospital (benefits of having a dad that is one of the head honchos) and was catered to by many nurses including one very handsome man who I think I made a bad first impression on.

I didn’t do much; I just threw up on him…no biggie right?

Everyone made a big deal about it. It might have been the exquisite morphine but, honestly, nothing really fazed me. I felt pain (pain like I cannot even describe so I won’t) but then it went away and I was floating up in the air and laughing. Or I was sleeping. When the pain was not there, I only felt pressure.

They told me I could not dance for six weeks. I was back dancing in four.

When I head back to the dance studio my dance teacher takes me into the backroom and asks to see my new boobies. No, this is not odd. My dance teacher has known me since I was three; she was just excited for me. So I went and showed her my boobs along with some fellow dancers. I got big huge hug (as much of a hug as you can give someone with a big bandage and stitches)

From then on out, I did not give two flying shits who I showed them to. Friends saw them. My best guy friends saw them. I was so proud I might as well have walked around topless shouting to the world, “Hey look at these! Look at how perky they are!!!”

When I went to visit my plastic surgeon for my post surgery check up his response was, “Gorgeous. Just perfect.”

To this day it does not bother me. I have gone into the bathrooms at nightclubs to show complete strangers because after hearing that they want to get one, and I confess I have had one, they promptly want to see if I have any scars and judge my boobs on whether or not they should get one.

So that is how I lost all my modesty at the age of 16. People saw me naked. People saw me throw up on them. People saw me ramble about God-knows-what while on morphine, people saw my breasts with stitches…and when that happens, how can you remain modest?

I loved my Cha Chas after that. Occasionally I would accidentally find myself grabbing them. Even to this day sometimes my trainer has to nudge me while at the gym because I forget I am feeling myself up in public.

Sometimes people ask me if it was worth it. Yes it was horrifically painful, more pain then I have ever felt. (I glossed over the pain part because hello, blog has been depressing lately). Yes I had scars. (Though they are so so faded now that you have to get real real real close to see them. How close? Well put it this way, if you are not my boyfriend you probably won’t notice. In fact one boyfriend never did...not very attentive that one)

So when anyone wonders, why I like my body so much and why I am not modest in the least about being naked, I always tell them, “Well my dad’s college roommate saw me naked, I figure everything else is just gravy.”

Besides, I have ten thousand dollar boobs and how many women can say that?!?!

Wait, I live in I guess a lot huh?


coffeygirlb said...

My cousin and whos also my bes friend had a breast reduction done right after high school and she;s the same way now. She'll show them to pretty much anyone. Not so much now that she's married and has a baby but when we used to go out. Needless to say I usually felt pretty overshadowed. Glad you love your tatas. I fully intend o get myself a pair after I have kids...or maybe before if I get impatient. And yes you can borow my hubby..i'm having him fed-exed tonight. And while he's there he can lay some tile as well...he's so good!!! Have a great weekend pretty.

work in progress said...

"Even to this day sometimes my trainer has to nudge me while at the gym because I forget I am feeling myself up in public."


I see you've gotten over the writer's block! Thankfully, because a day without being entertained by you is simply an incomplete day. You're energy is contagious-I love it!

How'd you get over the block? I'm experiencing some myself.

-J said...

On principal, I am beascially opposed to breast reduction, but not when it makes women happy and want to show them off more. :-)

My ex is 4'11 and has DDs, and has danced since she was 6. However, having dated her, I can say with great assurance that there's more to life than breasts.

Rachel said...

Is your middle name Heather? My name is Rachel Heather too. Haven't ever met another one of them. That is pretty cool.
I haven't ever referred to my breasts as "Cha Cha's". Mine are either "The girls" or Guppy and Whale.
I can relate to the throwing up on a cute guy. Mine was just after going to the club, not after surgery. You had a MUCH better excuse than I did.

Scott said...

Great story. It is great that it is something that you did for yourself. That is a big choice to make at 16.


Mike Stickel said...

That was a great post Rachel. It had a little bit of everything, drama, action, humour, what more could a guy ask for.

As much as I may get drawn and quartered for saying this, I much prefer a toight B-cup over a couple of monster jugs.

Rachel Heather said...

coffeygirlb - haha - yeah he can lay tile too?!! Yeah it must a theme of women who have had it done, we start showing off LOL

work in progress - awww thank you :) I am not fully over it but it is getting there. Have no fear :) I got over the block by doing some free association writing, and whenever i heard someone say something I wrote it down yesterday. I also read a book and that always helps :)

J - yeah there is more to life than just breasts. Ya know we have the butts too! :)

Rachel - that is so weird. I have never in my life met another Rachel Heather. That is so cool! I don't suaully call them Cha Chas. Most of the time it is just boobies :) I am unoriginal.

Scott - the funny thing is that I did not even think much of it. My whole life I have been that way, act first and think later.

Mike - Good for you for liking the B-Cups. LOL

LaciK said...

Great Story!

minijonb said...

Awesome story. Glad you had the guts to tell it.

My twin sister was a dancer. A bunheaded ballerina. Her and a bunch of her friends always talked about having breast reduction surgery. None of them did... at least not while I still knew them.

And I love your story about the nurse with the needle. I had some major surgery about 5 years ago. As the anatheseologist was about to place the mask over my head, I said, "Hey, this reminds me of Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet." The entire operating room cracked up. The anatheseologist said, "That was a strange movie." The next thing I remember, I woke up in the recovery room.

ManNMotion said...

When I was three I cracked my head open and the emergency room nurse said "when little boys come to the hospital they get to dress up like bunny rabbits" and I was into it. Except the bunny rabbit suit was really a straight jacket to restrain me while the doctor went to work.

I don't really remember much because, let's face it, I was only three, but I'm glad I don't have boobs.

shpprgrl said...

If you ever decide to have a baby you will have already tackled that modesty 'hurdle'.

Glad that the block is over....;)

Nigel Vossap said...

Always a surprise with you. I wonder if -- years from now -- when they're saggy -- you'll decide to get them pumped up again??? Hmm...

mollymcmommy said...

i've had many patients with breast reductions and most of them just love 'em to pieces.

great post hon! :)

i lost my modesty after my first child, as women we go through a lot of shit huh?! LOL!


deepsat said...

wow!! i cant believe you went thru all that to get breast reduction done! and the aftermath of it too!!

great post from an even greater person!!


Aargh said...

Having read your blog for a little while I keep coming back because I look forward to what you will write next and as usual you keep me entertained.

Also while a woman has boobies and a butt the most attractive part of any woman is her mind and you continue to show from your writing that you are an Incredibly Sexy Woman! Keep the great posts coming.

Rachel Heather said...

Lacik - thank you! :)

minijonb - I love your story :). Isn't it funny how we don't even remember falling asleep or anything? It is so weird how those drugs work.

mannnmotion - ok that is funny. I never knew they put straight jackets on kids to keep them still!

Shprgrl - Yeah see, now when I have kids I won't feel even the slightest embarrassed LOL

Just Some Guy - they won't get saggy. so I won't have to. :)

Molly - Ok thst is the second person on here to say they lost their modesty during childbirth. Is childbirth worse than I think it is? Shuld I be afraid? LOL

Deepsat - thanks! I was not too bad though. :)

Aaargh - what an amazing compliment. I am sincerely grateful. :) Seriously, that was very nice of you.

Steve said...

Great story Rach. Your writing continues to be entertaining and thoughtful. I've known a couple of women who have had breast reductions and they are quite happy they have done it.

twobuyfour said...

Good for you. If more women did things to their bodies that they wanted to because it made their lives easier rather than because it'd make them more attractive to the opposite sex the world would be a better place. I have known several women who had reductions, but they were all "full grown" women. (Good pun, eh?) For you to make a choice like that early on in life is a testimony to your level headedness. I reiterate: good for you.

The truth is, it's not large or small breasts that turn me on. It's a woman's self-confidence and comfortability with herself.

And nice legs.

Grins said...

I had one of those little girl bodies with breasts befitting a taller woman at an early age as well. Mine were due to genetics though and I remember one boyfriend suggesting that he was amazed that I didn't tip over when I stood up. Not a teen boyfriend by the way, but one when I was 32. Eyerolls ensued yes. At any rate, kudos to your parents for supporting you at the time and for you being so comfortable with the results and story.

Robert said...

You rock lil miss rach I was almost expecting you to say something like- I drew a plus and minus on each *cha-cha* just in case or something I can just imagine you walking on Blacks Beach in san diego and smiling wide enjoying your exquisite lil mamas!!!! Hmmm maybe have plastic surgery to remove all the scars on those poor lil feeties of yours!!! muhahahhaha

Thomas said...

Is it bad to say I liked this post?

Rachel Heather said...

Steve - Thank you :) Yeah I have not met someone that was unahppy with them

2X4 - legs huh? Never met a leg man. Met tons of ass men though...:)

Grins - was the guy 32 as well? How immature! Yeah my parents were against it at first because it is such a major surgury but my dance teacher is like a second mom and backed me up and turned them around :)

Robert - nah, enough pedicures if I stop running will do the trick. THough I don't plan to stop running so I might just have to deal with those scars.

Thomas - bad? why would it be bad? Now if you got turned on with the discussion about bring cut open...then THAT would be bad!

Me said...

Great entry! I can kind of certain ways, as you can tell from my last entry. ;)

Thanks for stopping by my blog...come back anytime!

Lydia said...

A friend of mine had a breast reduction years ago and still considers it to be one her smartest decisions ever. She doesn't show her boobs to just anyone, but I have seen them! She's got a good pair of "cha cha's". Must remember that expression. I really enjoy your style of writing by the way.