Monday, July 10, 2006
The Diva Takes the Stage One Last Time
I had made plans to spend a “girl weekend” with my best friend who moved to Minnesota about two years ago. I bought my plane ticket long ago and since Nala had come home I decided not to postpone this short weekend trip we had been looking forward to. Besides, I would only be gone for the weekend so I knew if anything were to turn the other way in Nala’s favor it surly would not happen until I had come back home.
Thursday night I went to my parent’s house to spend some time with her. She seemed perky and had been eating. I was nervous to leave her but I knew I would only be gone for a couple of days.
Maybe Nala just wanted to come home for a day to say goodbye to my other animals. Maybe she just wanted one more day of normalcy. Maybe she carried with her the great meaning of life and had to pass it on to her younger disciples before she departed. Maybe, in her true diva fashion, she just had to go on her own terms.
I arrived in Minnesota and from the moment I got off the plane we started a party. We had a Guster concert with The Fray at this outdoor festival followed by many more drinks at the bars.
I was two shits to the wind when I think the phone calls started. And then the text messages. Maybe, I am just good at denial…but I did not want to know. I shut my phone off. I shut it off because isn’t it better not to know anything? I thought they were lying. I hung up on them before they could even say a word. Because, if it was not told to me then it did not happen…except it did..I just did not listen.
I knew the next day.
It was too late to do anything. She had been fine all day and then at a drop of a hat she declined so rapidly that there was nothing they could do.
Nala was a fighter, but I think her body just did not want to fight anymore.
I have not talked about it with anyone. I can’t yet. I am so afraid that if I start talking about it and see the looks on the faces on my friends, family and loved ones I will lose it.
I have seen those looks before. Sympathy. Compassion. Hugs and kisses and a shoulder to cry on. I am eternally thankful for that. Except I am not ready to cry yet.
My father picked me up from the airport tonight and asked me, “Do you want to talk about Nala.”
“No” was all I said.
I changed the subject.
I wasn’t ready.
I know death is a part of life. We lose loved ones all the time whether they are animals or people. I have watched Lion King (obviously hence Nala’s name) and know all about “the great circle of life.”
I know death is also new beginnings.
I know when we get pets or even chose to love another person that the time with them will eventually end.
I know all this.
It just does not make it any easier.
So, it is here that I bid farewell to my first doggie that loved me half of my life. She never listened to me or followed rules and she was a total spoiled brat...but loved unconditionally. She lived a very good 12 years and I will always love her.
Rest in Peace my Diva.
Posted by Rachel Heather at 1:26 AM