It would take me hours upon hours to explain where I have been and what I have been doing the past month.
I wish I could tell you all that I went on an African Safari, or that I won the lotto and have been using my time wisely making sure Nordstrom’s and Bloomies stay in business for a thousand years.
While, that is not the case, I can’t divulge too many details here.
I have been to hell and back. I have seen darkness and things have happened that have shattered my belief system , respect, and the standards I had set.
Standing in nothing, I was forced to evaluate everything. Who I am. Where I am. Who I want to be and where I want to go.
A good good friend, and someone who I hold high with utmost respect and admiration told me this (to paraphrase)
“Rachel, what the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly. I see you and I see that you are turning into the most beautiful amazing butterfly I have ever seen.”
Besides being one of the best compliments I have ever gotten (and thank you for that, you know who you are) it opened my eyes to realize that standing in nothing is actually a good sign.
As with any change in our life, or self-transformation, or even taking the first step to get help, it is painful. It is as painful as that caterpillar breaking through his cocoon. Many people say it is the most painful thing anyone goes through. Many people give up during that time. They get familiar with that boxed in feeling. It is comfortable and safe. Breaking out is dangerous. It is scary. No one knows what is outside the cocoon.
But I broke out anyway.
Here is what I found:
- It takes courage to do the hard thing which many times are the right and just thing.
- It takes courage to see the truth about who we are but only we can change and grow. This is why many people never change (how many times have you heard that one)
- I am stronger than I give myself credit for.
- I am a good, loving person.
- I understand.
- I know how to love.
- Not one single person in this world is evil.
- I am totally freaking sexy. (I had to add that one) : )
I am now standing on the cusp of a new life. The world is spread out before me and, mark my words, I will take it on.
I won’t settle for anything less than spectacular. I won’t remain in a boxed in place of where I “should” be. If I want to do something I am going to go balls in and do it. Coward no more.
I can be anything I want. I can do anything I want. I can have anything I want. That is what the universe was designed for. Are you in a job you don’t like? Quit. Follow your bliss. That is what takes real courage and conviction. How about your town? Your heart? Your mind? Why is it you have the job you have? Is it what your parents did and you thought you should do the same? What kind of life do you really want to live? Picture what you want in your head.
I am told I am now a butterfly. My life did a 180 the past month. But now, everything seems possible.
And this sick feeling in my stomach, over my past…that will fade with time.
So many people thought of me as someone that would not go anywhere. A pretty face – nothing more.
Mark my words….my standards are set, I will not lower them, and anything less is an insult to the universe and myself.
Anyone care to join me? All you have to do is be authentic.
And maybe a little bit sexy ;)