Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Tell Me What You Know

You Know…

You know when someone is insecure if when you compliment them they call you a bitch.

You know when someone is addicted to baseball when they schedule their work, dates, and sex around a game.

You know when someone is addicted to shopping when they get thank you notes from sales people saying, “Thank you so much for allowing me to get my new plasma.”

You know when someone is obsessed with their dog when you call them and they begin to tell you about their “pooh bear’s” bowel movements,

You know when someone loves you when you piss him or her off and they give you a hug anyway.

You know when someone is comfortable around you when they let out a loud fart and laugh instead of saying “excuse me.”

You know you have been ordering some odd stuff on Amazon when The Art of Fellacio comes up on the “Recommended for you based on what you have bought” page.

You know you are a geek when you collect any sort of dolls, figurines, or overpriced collectables on ebay of your obsession (major bonus points if you have any dolls of said obsession and are male)

You know you are not in Kansas anymore when you see a fat man wearing a diaper and cupid wings.

You know you have a good friend when you can see them after being apart for a long time and it is as if nothing has changed.

You know you have faith when everything can be going wrong and you keep on walking forward anyway.

You know you need a car wash when a homeless man writes “Wash me I am dirty” in the dirt on the back window.

You know you will always put your foot in your mouth when anyone asks you to guess his or her age/weight/attractive factor.

You know you can know a lot about a person based upon how they treat the waiter.

You know that after a few New Castles…everyone seems funnier.

You know you are a dancer when you are actually looking forward to the move, Step Up.

You know you love music when you plan vacations around concerts.

You know you can always feel good or even just a little bit better.

You know that the most important thing is to Follow Your Bliss.

Tell me…what do you know?


twobuyfour said...

I know the smile of my daughter, even in my dreams, because it makes my stomach flip and my heart flutter.

I know my son's got more going on inside his head than plays across his face.

I know I'm in love with the most wonderful woman on earth, and that she loves me back.

I know you are a delightful writer and that I always look forward to your posts.

I know I could make his list reeeeeeally long, but I know I have to go to work now.

Rachel said...

I know that the best things in life ARE free.
I know that being a parent is the most difficult, yet ultimately rewarding job on earth.
I know that gas prices are going to go up.
I know that listening to crickets on a quiet, starry night is the best symphony in the world.
I know that unplugging from life is hard, but rejuvenates the soul.
I know that Diet Pepsi is WAY better than Diet Coke.
I know that the best breakfast is the one that someone who loves you has made for you. Even if the toast is burnt and the juice is spilled.
I know that the sound of my son's laughter sometimes makes me cry with happiness.
I know that I will cry during any sappy movie.
I know that fairy tales sometimes do come true.

Lou Pickney said...

Funny about the guess your age/weight thing... When I was in high school, I worked at Opryland (an amusement park in Nashville) in the summer of 1994. It was a good job, save for the days when I was stuck working the "guess your age, weight, or month of birth" booth.

I learned quickly to guess very low on age/weight. You can make someone's day that way, and there's a low chance of being attacked because of a mis-estimation.

-J said...

I know that it's often harder to find a good friend than a girlfriend.

minijonb said...

minijonb knows that commenting in the third person is really poor form.

I know that writing is harder than it seems only when I think about it.

I know that today will be better than yesterday.

I know enough to know I don't know everything.

I know that when it feels like I've learned everything I'll ever learn... something new pops up.

Ya know... context is everything.

Spat said...

I know that you have confidence in yourself when you stop saying:"If inly God..."

I know that solitude is necessary but being solitary is making yourself an island in the ocean!

I know that love is the most precious thing you can share with someone.

I know that love takes all its sence when you receive it back

I know that having your 2 young kids singing you "Happy Birthday" beats any gift worth any prices!

Lydia said...

I know I'll always miss the loved ones I've lost but that it will always keep them with me.

I know that I'm incredibly fortunate to have my friends in my life.

I know that every tomorrow I have always has the potential to be the best day so far.

I know that I'll eat too much chocolate tonight.

I know that the nerves over taking a step into the unknown are preferable to the regrets of keeping it safe.

Sarah said...

I know that I'll spill something down a white top :)

I know that I don't tell the people I love that I love them enough.

I know that things really do seem better in the morning.

Phil said...

You know you have a good blog if you write posts like this one.

deepsat said...

nice post rachel!!

I know...

That simplest things are difficult to get.
That common sense is no commonly used.
That ego can kill love.
That the longest silence can be between two best friends.
That trust is priceless.


question girl said...

i know that i am more than "good enough"

i know that to lov eyourself is the best love of all

i know that my true friends accept me for who i am, flaws & all

i know that i am an educated woman who also has street smarts

i know that the best things in life are still free: a day at the beach, a night under the stars, a walk w/ my dog, the giggle of a child

i know that some days you need to just climb right back into bed, and that it is ok

Jenna said...

I know that my parents love me no matter how much I screw up....

I know that I'll fall in love again...

I know that you are a great writer, thanks Rach. for writing and making us think about importance of life.

Tiffanie said...

I know that I enjoy your blog.
I know that stars bring peace to my soul.
I know that today is all I have.
I know that I am worthy.

Mike Stickel said...

I know enough to be dangerous at certain activities.
I know when not to put myself into circumstances where I know enough to be dangerous.
I know that fighting change is the longest, hardest and ultimately stupidest battle that any person will experience.
I know that at least one time in everyone's life they will fight change even though they know it's a fruitless endeavour.
I know that true friends keep you real no matter how hard it is to hear.
I know that, like many others, I really enjoy reading your posts.
I know that even soulmates need time apart.
I know that some of these may sound — or be — cliches but often times they are the truth regardless.
I know I should be working but for some reason can't get motivated.

T. said...

I still resist the collectible dolls, but now that the internet has made impulse purchases so easy it's only a matter of time.

Keshi said...

You sure do know alot Rach...smart girl!

**You know you can always feel good or even just a little bit better.

I liked that the best.

here's what I know:

You know that when you're heart breaks it's never really gonna be fully mended.


work in progress said...

I know that for some reason I CANNOT come up with a good comment for this post. Yet, I feel as though I should because it was a great post and I want you to know that I read it.

I know that my brain is not functioning correctly.

shpprgrl said...

I'm like my friend W.I.P, but I can only come up with one....

You know someone needs to get a life when the only thing they have to talk about is their job.

Anonymous said...

I know that farting in a lift makes me giggle inside(whilst trying to act natural off course)

trying to put high heels on whilst drunk can be a dangerous endevour

trying to apply make-up whilst driving means Alice Cooper looks back at you from the next mirror

karaoke is just a bad mistake waiting to happen...

Thomas said...


Steve said...

I know that when I feel like life sucks I will soon be reminded why it doesn't.

I know that how a person treats others is the best estimation of their worth.

I know that good Southern barbeque is the single best form of food in the world.

work in progress said...

Oooh! I have one! I know I need to buy new sandals next summer because the ones I have now stink!

I know bad tippers are going to hell.

I know you haven't posted in a while.

shpprgrl said...

Here I am following w.i.p again. Yes, where are you? I hope everything is ok. Maybe you are sidetracked with something you found at the beach?

Rachel Heather said...

Being that it is 2:00 AM and I have been up wayyy too long I will have to come back and respond to these. But, boy these are some great comments!!