Monday, April 04, 2005

Missing in Action

I have not written anything the past couple of weeks. I have been in a funk. A low point. I depressed, no fun, zone that I seem to be finally coming out of. I can’t say what exactly brought it on. Lets call it a snowball effect. One thing “seems” wrong and before you know it, you feel like this small insecure puddle. I did not have a job and the combination of feeling worthless from that mixed with too much time on my hands to over think everything and I was a weepy mess.
I went to the Starbucks job fair today and a prominent jewelry maker is interested in me doing some part time work. Both or none of these can work out but I am hoping for both. I am feeling better today…good in fact. I think I just started to take my own advice. I looked at what I have in my life. I have great parents, great friends and a great boyfriend. I have ideas and even if they are not reality yet, at least I have the ideas. I have a support system and I have, ehhh, great taste in music. ;) Sometimes we all get down in the slumps, but it is with the support we have we can get out of it ok. Here’s the thing though; we have to want to feel good in order to feel good. Sometimes we get comfortable feeling bad about ourselves and then we feel guilty for feeling bad and feel worse. We start a vicious cycle. Sometimes we just have to say, “some things are shitty, but some things are good…let’s focus on the good.” Insecurity and depression breeds’ insecurity and depression. It does not matter what it is about. No job. Your face breaking out. A friend pissing you off. There is only one way out…to climb out of the hole and slowly trek through the mud and soon you will be back to the state of mind you were before….happy. :)

No comments: