I need your Women’s Psychology opinion on something”
“Ask away”
This might be interesting…
“Well I just got an email from a girl that I did some work for, and she had seen the work I did and she thinks she looks fat in all of it.”
“Her exact words please”?
Sometimes men can be so lost
“Her words were, ‘Well you can use it but I look like a fat cow’! or something like that.”
Tsk tsk tsk.
“Oh honey, she just wants a compliment’!
“Huh”?
“If a women tells a guy she looks fat in a picture or something, she is just trying to get you to say, ‘oh don’t be silly you look gorgeous’ DUH”
Now obviously this women is a little less than pleased with her body and while I normally would say to ignore it, this is someone he works with and when it comes to business I always think it is better to feed someone’s ego. Agree or no?
“But, Rachel..I don’t want to lie to her”!
Men do it as well. Men who boast about their penis size, their bank account or their stellar performance in the bedroom are usually harboring insecurity about said subject.
Women just go about it in a more passive-aggressive way.
“You women are so weird. Why not just be happy with your bodies just the way they are”?
Good question I thought to myself.
That is a very good question.
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16 comments:
I'm glad I was told by a friend a couple years ago about the under promote, over deliver method of describing sexual activity and body parts. :^)
Why do women ask or fish for compliments in such a passive-agressive way? That is a six million dollar question for sure.
Women tend to internalize anything that is considered negative and apply it to herself.
How in the world are we supposed to be comfortable with our bodies even if they include pendulous breats, stomach rolls and cellulite when all we see are photos of air brushed, underfed celebrities at the grocery checkout?
We fish for compliments because we are spoon fed the idea that if you aren't physically perfect (and who is?) that you aren't worth as much as someone else who you do consider to be physically more beautiful than you are. Even if they have a constant vacuous expression and the personality of an amoeba.
I am 32, have stretch marks from pregnancy, cellulite, a cesarean scar and lots of other imperfect things about my plus-sized body.
I am subtly informed every day by cursory looks or eyes pointedly averted that I don't measure up. By both women and men.
Until society embraces a female ideal that isn't next to impossible to achieve, women will always feel that they don't measure up. If a man loves his woman, he will make sure to let her know how perfect he thinks that she is.
sub - you saying women are difficult? nahhhhhh couldn't be!! LOL
Mike - it is the six million dollar question. I will get back to you when I figure it out.
Rachel - I use to think that too but seriously what guy out there likes the underfed look? And they don't look like Brad Pitt or ohnny Depp and don't seem to mind. hmmmmm. P.S - guys don't care about scars and such :)
scars are sexier than tatoos or piercings any day of the week.
... and i'm a guy, so i better not say anything more about beauty double stanards or i'll incriminate myself. =;-)
Rach ~ I am not saying that guys prefer airbrushed and underfed women. Many men that I know prefer an average sized woman. Men's views weren't what I was really focusing on. I was referring to how women feel about themselves.
Most women in general feel that they don't measure up to societies vision of an ideal body shape.
Is this societal vision something that we should aspire to or that men actually prefer? Probably not.
What I am saying is that women depend too much on societies view of perfection and then consistently feel that they don't measure up. If you hear it enough, you start to believe it.
It takes a strong minded, confident woman to love everything about herself including her flaws because the media is constantly telling her that if she is imperfect; she isn't good enough. No wonder we are always seeking affirmation from other sources.
I know that I am generalizing and that there are women out there that love everything about themselves. Kudo's to those women.
minijon b - how bout a girl with both of those? LOL
Rachel - you are probably right. Hell, I went through my eat 800 calories a day and get horribly skinny phase too. Will women ever feel good about their "normal" bodies? I sure as hell hope so.
the question always remains, do you feed the insecurity by reassuring or do you ignore it, hoping it will go away. the first option is a bandaid, the second is like seeing if it can heal on its own. but the band aid can be a bad option, cause then the person is being skinner-boxed into feeling like they can seek out a response to assure them with respect to something that is a problem they've invented about themselves.
rachel, didja read the 9'11 post?
Comfort with ones body, such a tough thing for so many people. I wish that there were more images out there of women in the media and such so that people would not constantly be comparing themselves to the unattainable.
Scott
Grumpy - good question. However, I healed my body issues not by anyone feeding the insecurity. I was so skinny at one time and it was no one telling me "you look great: that made me get healthy. It was my best friend saying "Rachel, you look like a 12 year old boy, its gross."
So maybe healing comes from brutal honesty but i would not recomend telling a girl "hey you look fat, go lose some weight."
What I mean though is no amount of "you look greats" and "you are not fats" will heal a women if she does not believe it herself.
Scott - I think the media is in a catch-22. Its a ratings thing. They put it on because it attracts attention, it gets ratings up, it is good PR. If a 110 pound, 5'11" model on the cover of Vogue made the sales plumet they would change it, but people are always drawn to the unattainable. Maybe human nature or maybe masochism :)
i don't know if ya really heal from those issues, or just survive them. they will always be there.
cant change the roots, only the branches. that what i always say. but sometimes the branches are enough.
i think its the comparison factor that makes women so conscious about their figure.
take any random woman and place aside.. only her! she'll be as beautiful as any other woman out there!!
;-))
i must say that it is only the skinny or might-as-well-be-skinny girls who ask any form of "do i look fat in this?" those of us who pretty much aren't skinny know that we won't look skinny. good, but not skinny. eh.
So you had to pose this question:)
You know that at some point all of us think that "grass is greener on the other side" That's how I feel about my body "sometimes".
It's not always like that, it's not like I'm not happy with my body, but some days all those airbrusshed girls get to me...
But in all reality I think all of us are beautiful, inside or outside...
But, there are days I hate my hipps, and go on a work out/diet regime just becouse. Than days after I get it through my thick head that it was just my insecurities showing. My hipps will never be smaller then they are now(unless I starve myself,and I love food too much:)
So sometimes we all just need compliments becouse we're having a blue day...
Grumpy - Well I am an example of someone that healed completly from body issues :) So take that! LOL
Deepsat - Comparison is a factor but pointless inho. That would be like me comparing my height to a model and feeling bad about being tiny.
Kat - first off - nice new pic :). Second you are right maybe. I always hear perfectly healthy or skiiny girls say they are fat.
Jenna - I agree, sometimes we do all need compliments. We all have our downdays. Some days even I feel bad about my body. This usually happens once a month LOL. ya know THAT time
ok my bad.
very well-said as always rachel. I think the media/culture milieu encourage passive/aggressiveness in women because of the double/standard where active aggression in women makes them out to be shrill spiteful beotches. I always love it when the top fashion models or actresses/singers come out and admiot their own insecurities about their bodies shows they havent totally lost touch with reality!!! Heres to more marilyn monroe shapes to be in style!!!
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