10 Years. Baseball Again. And siblings as opposites.


My brothers lil website www.murmurs.com is coming up on its 10 year anniversary. Wow 10 years! He opened up a new forum in there for people to write about their experience on murmurs and what it brought them. Listening to these stories I am amazed at how so many people have changed their lives through an online community. There have been countless "murmurs relationships," about even about 6 weddings. The site got has indirectly changed so many lives, including mine.

Here is the funniest part.

My brother was so shy as a kid it was crippling. He liked online community sites because he could connect with people without the horrid feeling of talking to them face to face.

Many years ago when we were kids there were not many diagnosis of ADD, Ashbergers and Autism. Most autistics were only diagnosed when the symptoms were so out in the open and a stranger could tell. But what about Ashbergers? It is the polar opposite of ADD and on a whim I, and my brother, took this test yesterday.

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

The average person scores a 16. Anything above a 32 shows someone may have symptoms of mild Ashbergers. Anyone way low, well you get the idea.

My brother scored a 39 and I scored a 4 (well that explains a lot!)

Ashbergers can be described as extreme shyness, an obsessive personality when it comes to a certain thing (Brother knew how to put together a jet engine at the age of 10 just because he read all books about airplanes)

So anyway, my point is, it is funny how somethings we think of as faults actually are the things that will bring us to our calling and bring us happiness. I look at my brother today, married and in love, a job he likes (most of the time) and better at relating to people than he was as a child, and thank God that he was the kid he was.

I look at my score of a 4 and realize, yeah that was pretty accurate. I am good at relating and reading people. I know people's intentions by the tone of their voice, and can't focus very well on one thing. So maybe that will bring me to my calling.

Take the test, you might learn something.

In other news...

The new baseball season is coming up upon us and I find myself getting giddy with anticipation while reading mlb.com, searching for news and updates and any hint of what this season might bring. It brings me back to memories of last season ALDS game, probably the most exciting game of my life where the Angel's kicked the Yankees out of the running and they did it all about 25 feet away from me.

I was looking forward to this season so much. And now? Well it is a weird feeling. I am excited, and maybe this summer I will create some new memories at the games with new people. Maybe I will meet some new baseball guys and maybe love will once again be at the ballpark. Excited. Sad. I guess maybe a little bit of both. But at least I will look hot in my baseball jersey.

10 Years. Baseball Again. And siblings as opposites.


My brothers lil website www.murmurs.com is coming up on its 10 year anniversary. Wow 10 years! He opened up a new forum in there for people to write about their experience on murmurs and what it brought them. Listening to these stories I am amazed at how so many people have changed their lives through an online community. There have been countless "murmurs relationships," about even about 6 weddings. The site got has indirectly changed so many lives, including mine.

Here is the funniest part.

My brother was so shy as a kid it was crippling. He liked online community sites because he could connect with people without the horrid feeling of talking to them face to face.

Many years ago when we were kids there were not many diagnosis of ADD, Ashbergers and Autism. Most autistics were only diagnosed when the symptoms were so out in the open and a stranger could tell. But what about Ashbergers? It is the polor opposite of ADD and on a wim I, and my brother, took this test yesterday.

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

The average person scores a 16. Anything above a 32 shows someone may have symptoms of mild Ashbergers. Anyone way low, well you get the idea.

My brother scored a 39 and I scored a 4 (well that explains a lot!)

Ashbergers can be described as extreme shyness, an obsessive personality when it comes to a certain thing (Brother knew how to put together a jet engine at the age of 10 just because he read all books about airplanes)

So anyway, my point is, it is funny how somethings we think of as faults actually are the things that will bring us to our calling and bring us happiness. I look at my brother today, married and in love, a job he likes (most of the time) and better at relating to people than he was as a child, and thank God that he was the kid he was.

I look at my score of a 4 and realize, yeah that was pretty accurate. I am good at relating and reading people. I know people's intentions by the tone of their voice, and can't focus very well on one thing. So maybe that will bring me to my calling.

Take the test, you might learn something.

In other news...

The new baseball season is coming up upon us and I find myself getting giddy with anticiipation while reading mlb.com, searching for news and updates and any hint of what this season might bring. It brings me back to memories of last season ALDS game, probably the most exciting game of my life where the Angel's kicked the Yankees out of the running and they did it all about 25 feet away from me.

I was looking forward to this season so much. And now? Well it is a weird feeling. I am excited, and maybe this summer I will create some new memories at the games with new people. Maybe I will meet some new baseball guys and maybe love will once again be at the ballpark. Excited. Sad. I guess maybe a little bit of both. But at least I will look hot in my baseball jersey.

Smooth tush, psycho neighbor, and all the happy feelings pampering brings.


It is funny how some smells immediately bring back memories. It can be the simplest thing. Yesterday, I took in upon myself to pamper me. I went to Victoria's Secret and bought some new cute lingerie as well as some bath products and some lotion that makes my skin feel like, well I can't stop touching it! Anyway, I got this lotion set of a new line they carry called Victoria's Secret Spa (or something like that). Well I just put on the hand cream (which please all you ladies go buy because my hands feel like a baby tush) and the smell just flooded my brain with the memory of summer. Funny how smells do that. Like, roasted chestnuts will always reminds me of New York in the winter (as will any christmasy smell like baked apple pie)and really bad men's cologne now reminds me of that overbuffed drenched in cheap cologne meat head who is always near me at the gym.

I got this feeling that summer is going to just be a happy time. I love the feeling of skin after it has been rolling around in the sand for a day, all smooth and toned. I love the look of my face all rosy from the rays. I love buying a new swimsuit to mark the occasion (I am trying to find this one by Vix that is no longer on the website but have no fear because I want it and I always get what I want and I know I will find it.) I love cooling off from the horrible heat and I love how everyone seems to be a little brighter and wear a lot more smiles. Summer is, by far, not my favorite season, but there are good things to every season and the new season means new beginnings.


In other news, date with lawyer was not all that great but maybe I will have to give him a second chance. Film Editor and I have been talking quite a bit and I have a coffee talk non-date with him this weekend. He talks more than I do though so we shall see if that is a recipe for disaster. He is also a film nazi and I get the feeling that his passion for film might consume his entire life, but then again I could be wrong. If nothing else, it will be interesting.

There is a young couple who lives above me who just got a new puppy. They leave the new puppy out on their balcony and it just cries and cries. I am tempted to climb up there and rescue it. However, that is not my main problem with them. My problem is their fighting. They fight like they are fighting to the death. The girl is psychotic, and two nights ago I heard some "thud thud" noises outside my patio and when I looked out, there in the rain and soaking wet grass were probably about half the contents of the guys clothes, shoes, books, etc. Somebody must have called security because it ended soon after but damn I have psychos living upstairs. I am not even sure who is more psychotic, the girl with her violent outbursts or the guy for being a pot smoking lazy ass who won't get rid of her. All the while I just kept thinking, poor poor puppy. Maybe I will steal it ;)


I found out that if I do go to Columbia and live in their off campus (but university owned) housing my rent will be cheap. But no dogs are allowed. Guess I won't be getting a dog anytime soon. I am not sure if I will be going this fall or January of next year. No decisions yet. My only decisions I am making right now are what to wear today, what to read today, what to watch on TV today, bath or shower, chicken or fish, what plans are there this weekend, what to buy, and where to go.

Stay tuned...the clouds are clearing and sunshine is beams down on us.

The Fine Art of Being Yourself - To Get What you Want in Life.


So, a friend of mine thought I should pitch a column called “Life and How to Live It.” (Wishful thinking on his part) and who woulda think it, but a Mr. Mike Adams has a townhall.com column of the same name (damn). However, I don’t think the column exists anymore because I have yet to find one dated in 2006. Maybe then I can steal it and claim the name I soooo deserve.

I posted before on how I came up with a want list. However, the problem with many is they want and want and never stop and appreciate what they actually have. We want a house and yet we don’t stop and appreciate the coziness of our apartments. We want to move but we don’t admire the sun of where we are. We want new loves but how can we get it if we shun the love we have inside of ourselves already. Wanting is a great and healthy thing, just like dreaming, as long as it is coming from a place of happiness. I think if we really take a look around us and inside us we will find that we already have everything we need. If we are always unhappy with our place there will be no place where we are happy at all. Yet if we accept our place it makes it easier to move forward. It is a lot easier for the universe to send you more when you like what you have got already.
Over the past three years I have learned to appreciate what I have. I liked it yesterday. I liked it today and what the universe brings me tomorrow I will probably like. Am I like this all the time? Hell no, sometimes I am not happy and quite pissed off (hello PMS!!), but I don’t hate myself for it. Probably because, even though I can whine and act like a baby, even though I can be quite the narcissist, even though I pout and make, what my friend calls, the most adorably pathetic off-putting puppy dog face, even though sometimes I am needy and sometimes I think I am stupid and sometimes I don’t fight fair, at least I can look at myself in the mirror and see someone who is special not because she is overly good and not because she is overly bad. Special is just being who you are; good, bad, positive, negative, happy, sad, unique and yet not. That is what makes us special, not trying to be anything we are not and just BEING.

When we accept that about ourselves, when we feel free to just BE, then and only then can we get what we truly want. Just remember that the things about you that are appealing to other people are not traits that are considered popular. No one is just all the time. No one is kind all the time. No one is confident all the time. We all have a little bit of both. The things that appeal you to people is the things that make you you. Embrace that and you can have everything. Love, Success, Careers, Happiness...Everything.

Mutants, Music and Myspace stalkers

Death Cab sings Driver 8. Nuclear Testing in New Mexico makes mutants who then proceed to eat people and burn them alive (including the dog which made me sadder than anything else.) Rachel has nightmares about mutants eating dogs. Rachel learns that some guys out there talk more than she does (not a good idea). Rachel looks into the future. Angel's come to help us in the most unlikely of fashions and in packages we would normally not notice. My ass looks great in my new jeans. I need a manicure. I have initiated a very harsh but much needed relationship change with my mother. I laid the ground rules about how much she could meddle with my life. I love my mother but she puts her nose into my business as if I were a child and not a 24 year old strong woman. So far she is keeping to it and I feel so much better it is unbelievable. Been thinking a lot lately about what I want and I made a want list, I will post it soon. Does anyone else cry on Extreme Home Makeover? Is anyone else really sick of Kelly Pickler? Does anyone else have 5 separate myspace stalkers? Anyone? Anyone?

And so it begins...


This blog is going to be changing a bit. The design is changing and I am creating a project of sorts.

Many big things are happening in my life right now. All of it very exciting. For starters:

There is a very good chance that in four months time I will be moving to New York City. I am not banking on it because I don't want to get my hopes up. But, it might just happen.

I have a date tonight and that is something that I thought I wouldn't be able to do but I am doing it and it feels good.

I am changing up my blog to more of an experience blog where I will write about my experiences in finding two things:

a) true love

b) finding my place in the world.


So project goal number one - go on a date with someone you would not normally go on a date with and see what happens.

OK so I cheated a bit, because he is an REM fan and loves music. However, he is a lawyer (a public defender) so by default he falls into the "wouldn't normally date" catagory.

Project goal number two - accept a date for next weekend with someone who I could see myself being with. Enter post production movie editor and self proclaimed beatlemaniac. Even gave me a witty "should we talk about the government" pickup line. (from an rem song for you un-rem-ucated)

Project Goal B - Finding my place in the world - I have a picture in my head of what I want. I just have to let synchronicity run its course. And, look for the signs to get there.

So yeah big changes in my life. And yeah I still have my down moments, and I will miss things in the past. And a part of me will always wonder, "what if". But now it is time for my future and I am strong enough to meet it with an open mind and an open heart.

And so it begins...