Monday, June 14, 2004

Another semester completed. My first full time semester since I have been back in school and I have to say I am pretty damn proud of myself for the grades I got. Besides that damn 89% in that one class as a result of my freak out of a day, I got A's.

Ethan is up and down. Half the time he is somewhere in the middle but most of the time he is down. He gets flashes of happiness here and there and the next minute he is plunged into his deep depression again. There are not many people he will talk to right now except for Amy and myself, I just hope I am helping. I am just taking all the knowledge and experience I have been through and I have learned and have been trying to teach him. I wish he could just see that his happiness is always his choice. He keeps mentioning money, and problems with friends and grad school. What he does not realize is inner happiness can happen even if there are a million external "problems." he gets it rationally when I teach him, now he just has to be it.

I hope he gets better. I hope this all gets better. He is all I am thinking about right now and I venture to guess he is all anyone in my family is thinking about. That is a good thing about my family, someone has a problem and everyone jumps in to help. No one has to go through anything by themselves.

Fear eats people up inside. Fear makes peoples reality crash upon them. People form their reality based on what they worry about and fear. If one constantly worries something will happen, chances are it will. So mission number one is to help Ethan get rid of his fears.

Rachelle being home has been great. Even though she is going through her own life stuff right now, she is family and with her home it is like the family (Lyndsey, Rachelle and me) are together again. If I did not have that right now, I might be a lot worse off about this whole Ethan thing. But they are my rocks and I never have to be anything r try to be anything but me around them. Rachelle and I went shopping yesterday and I did spend some money, thus ending my two weeks of sobriety. Oh well, shit happens, back to square one.

I have to start planning the baccalaureate party and working on the bridal shower stuff. I can't believe this wedding is only seven weeks away. I told Rachelle, Lyndsey and Brandon they were going to be my official dates if I could not find a poor soul to be my date before then. I would take one of my guy friends as a date but I ended up going against that. I am going to be stressed enough as it is so just putting them under the friends invite list is fine. Then if I take a date I don't know very well, that would be awkward as all hell. I am going to be a blubbering idiot as it is, running around like crazy and most likely drunk. I better stick to the friends.

Luckily Shaun will have his friends there too so there is going to be a heavy dose of early 20-somethings at this wedding. That should make for a fun evening.

Speaking of Shaun, he met a girl and I think things are going pretty well. I mean they are taking the natural progression which is always a good thing, nice and slow. He is very chill about it, always a good sign. I hope I get to meet her soon.

My new hair is attracting quite a bit of attention. This can be good or bad, the other day a cop recognized me. I really can't hide anymore from anything..haha.

My new summer school class has some interesting people in it. There is an exchange student from Holland and we get along like peas and carrots. His name is matt (but pronounced funky) and he is funny as hell. There is this guy though who always stares at me who is such a metrosexual he could be Ryan Seacrests' little brother. The perfect blond hair and tan skin, and the clothes that make him look like he stepped out of an abercrombie catalog, right down to the leather bracelet accessories. The best part is his name is Dax...perfection! He is a nice guy though, but I just feel like getting him a little dirty or messing up his hair just to see how he will react.

Clover is going to bring good luck soon, I can tell. The horse/lamb looks lucky.

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