Tuesday, June 22, 2004

How often do we look around and wonder, "When did it all change?"
My life was completely different last summer and completely different than that the summer prior than that. I have no clue where it changed but somewhere along the line it did. Gradual and sporadic. Change sometimes occurs in a day and sometimes it sneaks up on you over time and one day you wake up and the life around you is a stranger, nothing like the life you once knew.

I woke up one morning a week ago and I was different; it all snuck up on me. I am on the brink of starting a job that actually has to do with my career endeavors. My family is going through major changes. My brother is going through a major test of his strength and for the first time in my life family members are looking to me to be the rock. People are looking to me for answers. I seem confident and strong. I seem to gather knowledge as a drug and if someone does not put in 50% of the effort in a friendship or any relationship I slowly back away. This is the new Rachel I woke up to last week. The stable one in the family. When did this all happen?

My brother is about to get married. Another major change is happening in his life. He will begin life as a husband starting in just six weeks and being just three years older than me I guess I am a little fearful. I guess that means we are adults after all. No more playing around. I am an adult now. No more sitting at the kiddy table. No more happy meals. Although I can still fit into kids clothes.

This new job is a major major change for me. I have had the same job, if you can call it that, since I was sixteen years old. It has always been the same people, the same days and a business that has been more like a family and not much like a business. My new job has hundreds of people, real bosses and real work. Plus the work has to do with things I really want to do with my life. I also will be working 30 hours a week instead of six, which is one of the most major changes of all.

Jenna will probably start trying to get prego soon which will bring a new cousin into the family. I really can't wait. We need a baby going on here. Well at least I do. I can't have one yet so at least I can have a cousin to take care of.

I think change is a good thing. It is scary as hell but it is a necessary part of growing up. I am not grown up yet, but I know I am getting there. Maybe I will still have some backtracks and set backs, but one day next summer I will wake up and my life will be a stranger yet again.

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