Monday, June 26, 2006

"True Friends Understand Your Past, Believe in Your Future and Accept You Just as You Are"...

it does not matter if they are male or female

It was Harry who said men and women could never be friends.

“Men can never be friends with a women they find attractive cause the sex stuff always gets in the way,” he said

“What about friends with a women he finds unattractive”? Sally asked.

“Nah pretty much wanna nail them too.”

I have a lot of male friends. And not once did I ever think the “sex stuff” ever got in the way. However having dinner with my best friend the other night I had some light shed on the subject that I was not expecting.

“Hey, what do you think about our friendship? Do you think people get the wrong idea”? I asked.

We always have discussions like this. Best Friend is a guy I can say anything to, be anything, he has seen me naked and it was not sexual, he has held my hair back when I was throwing up, he goes on vacations with me and we have never once kissed. If something happens to me he is there in a heartbeat whether I ask him or not. The farthest we have gone is a groping and even that was non sexual he just is good at giving butt massages. We have an amazing mental chemistry and yet I am not attracted to him physically or sexually. I think it would be hard for me to be just friends with a guy I was physically or sexually attracted to actually.

“Well no,” he replied, “people know us by now, they know how we are.”

We give each other dating advice. I comment honestly about girls he dates and he does the same even if it pisses me off. I have never and he has never been jealous. You could say he is one of the best friendships I have ever had.

I have many male friends like this.

“Do you think what Harry said to Sally was true”?

“Well no because if you were not pretty I probably would not have been friends with you to begin with,” he says honestly.

Huh? What? I thought.

“Huh? What? That’s crass”!

“Think about it Rachel, when a man and a women first meet the guy usually won’t give her time if he is not attracted. Attraction starts it but if both parties know a relationship would never work they move to friends. When I first met you the first words that came out of your mouth was asking me how to talk dirty in my language. Hey, I AM a guy you know.”

“But you would never sleep with me and I would never sleep with you.” I shot back.

“No but we had many chances to screw throughout the years."

"I would never!!"

" I have not pulled my charm out on you I could have gotten you to do it. I could get you and then you would never want to leave. We just were smarter than that. We would have started something and then I would have killed you and then we could not be friends anymore. You are way too American and stubborn for the likes of me babe. The flirting is good though.”

Well that was all news to me!

“Hey you were the one missing out, you have no idea what I am capable of.”

“You arrogant, crass, butthead”

“That’s why you love me” he smiled back.

I have a few guy friends who would do anything for me and I would do anything for them. Are any of them attracted to me? Well some are honest when they say they are. Some I know are not. But all are friends. And the line is never crossed.

So can men and women be friends with the sex stuff never getting in the way? Maybe it just takes time? Because I know my male friendships are never like that (well most not all). But is that a fools comment? Even one other male friend of mine stated that because he was male he knew every male friend of mine wanted me at one time or another. I have to debunk that statement because a couple of my male friends would disagree 100%.

The jury is still out, but I know I would not change any of my friendships for the world. It is like I get 10 big brothers instead of one.

“I love you Best Friend” I hug him, and it feels like I am hugging my security blanket.

“Love you too Rach.”

“How much”? I tease

And I get the same answer that I have gotten for the past five years…

“More than you think.”


D said...

it is the way of all things. I mean come on now why do you think we stay friends if it wasn't for our burning sexual desires. or your love of eurotrash

kat said...

oh, i love eurotrash metros, too. aww.

a) he wants you but probably recognizes that you're not vibing him, so why do it.
b) i have a friend who recently reasoned that if we actually dated then we would end up killing each other. what the hell is that argument?
c) i have a really good friend who i would marry if he asked. the catholic church got him first. we recently had a discussion about this. the conclusion: the sex stuff comes up, but it doesn't hae to be the motivating factor or major disruption. that, and he kills houseplants so it would never work.

i am verbose today.

steller said...

i received this text from a friend i met in webdatedotcom:

a friend is someone you can call 3 in the morning telling her that you murdered someone and show up with a shovel and ask you: "so where do we start making a hole"

that is soooo wrong but it would be touching if some friend will do that for you...

shpprgrl said...

I've always had more guy friends than girl friends and I never committed friendscest with any of them. Never. They listened, jealousy was never a problem, they made me look popular and scared off weirdos. BUT, one night right before I got married (days) I was having a deep reflective talk with one of them. He told me that the entire group of guys had always threatened guys that paid me attention. They thought they were protecting me and none of them were good enough for me. It was a nice thought, but back when it was happening, I thought I was becoming a troll because they did their job so well.

-J said...

I'm friends with several women that I have never been attracted to. However, if I am attracted to them, then at some point, I probably wanted to have some hot steamy sex with them. However, this usually fades with time.

Rachel Heather said...

Kat - I can hook you up with some eurotrrash metros that know more about designers than I do :) But no he does not want me that was the point, but he said he originally became friends with me because he was attracted.

Plus when he says we would kill each other - i understand what he means. He likes a submissive do as I say women...and I am an american girl who is spoiled and demanding :)

and PS = you are funny verbose...keep it up:)

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I absolutely think
Harry" was wrong, too. Your Best Friend may be right that the first moments encompass 'attraction' but after that...I absolutely believe one can have a Best Friend in a man...and many many male friends who are just that...Friends. My Bestest Friend in the whole world was a man...we met when we were both 19 and just loved one another immediately. Friendship love--Brother and Sister...we did talk about an intimate relationship once but decided that it might put our friendship at risk for the very reaaons your dear Best Friend said. This man was my true soul mate/best friend for 35 years until he died from an aneurism...I still miss him to this day. And, once...after about 28 years...we were sort of intimate... that was it. I have had and still have really good male friends, I am happy to say...So... as part of the Jury...I vote YES! It is possible! (lol)

Tiffanie said...

It's always the same every where you look.

Women think you can.

Men say you cant.

So, we're both right! and we're both wrong!

D said...

for the record knowing more about designers than you isn't exactly difficult. I mean you didn't even know that agent provocatuer was run by vivienne westwoods son. Seriously I can't even wear that stuff and i know loads about it. haha

Rachel Heather said...

shopper - that is such good insight, thank you for that. And, a cfew years ago I lost one of my best guy friends to cancer. I know how seeing little things that remind us can bring back the tears. My mom is still friends with his mom but since he was sick it is less of tears and more just find memories. :)

My guy friends get very protective over me when it comes to guys but it is because they think they know better and can see better.


kat said...

bless his heart if he wants a submissive woman. maybe we shouldn't meet. i don't need to be in control, mind you, i just really learned how to share very well in kindergarden.

man, i haven't hung out with eurotrash since college. europeans, yes, but that was in europe. totally different. since then i've discovered to total joy of persians. they's hotties.

funny-verbose. it's kind of like silly-drunk. rather painless and interesting to watch. ha.

question girl said...

rachel - you have such a way of telling it like it is. i too have experienced the "protective" friends (note - they won't let anyone else date us, but they don't date us themselves either - WHATS UP W/ THAT?)...

but i think i have found one worse: the ex who wants to become friends AFTER the breakup!!

Nigel Vossap said...

Pardon the interruption, but is he gay? Maybe that's why he hasn't tried to "nail you" when you were naked in front of him, etc. I AM JUST SOME GUY, and I can tell you the "thought", at least is always there... and it gets worse when your "girl-friends" get married. Then, you feel like you missed out on something, and you really want them bad. Two of my best friends are women. Married. With kids. They know I want to screw them, but they love me anyway. Crass and all.

coffeygirlb said...

Wow. A guy who us sensitive, mentally stimulating and he cute? If he is I think that I would have totally had to bang bad as that sounds. Especially if i'd been drunk around him numerous times. Maybe you're more secure than I am. I tend to, or at least before I was married...but still do I guess, need to know that guys think i'm hot! And I always did the whole confidence through sex thing when I was younger. So yeah, i'd totally have had to sleep with him. Congrads on being a confident strong woman, I wish that I was more like that!!!!!

Rachel Heather said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Rachel Heather said...

Steller - Damn that is a good friend LOL

OOLOTH - It is good to know even a man/woman friendship can last that long and even through marriage and such.

J - thanks for that honesty. BTW regarding your comment on my other post - I have read that book and love it :)

Tiffanie - You should know by now that women are always right :)

D - just because I did not know who designed it does not mean I don't know my designers damnit! besides at least I know the brand you metro! Sometimes I worry about you D LOL ;)

Kat - Eurotrash make great shopping buddies :)

Why ask Why me - I think all guys just turn into cavemen around a girl they love. At least that is how it is with me...grunts n all.

Just Some Guy - hahahah no he is not gay. He is the most hetero guy I know. Love your honesty!

B - I must say since he has lost like 20 pounds and now in very good shape he has become very cute. And btw you are HOT!! I bet your hubby gives you googly eyes when you walk into the room.

CP said...

This sounds very familiar to a past friendship I had. Neither of us were really physically attracted to each other, but freely admitted that we thought the other was attractive. It's a rare thing to happen, but if I had not found some things about her that were attractive, I doubt we would have made it past an occasional hello. And vice versa.

Your friend sounds similar to my situation in that he may very well love you more than you'll ever know and more than he'd ever admit, but he knows it could never work on that level. It's good to be smart.

deepsat said...

whats between friends & sex?? come on, isnt there a seperate place for sex or does it have to be mixed up wid everything in life! think sex dies off with time when lust is quenched, but friendship & the associated zeal remains forever!

deepsat said...

whats between friends & sex?? come on, isnt there a seperate place for sex or does it have to be mixed up wid everything in life! think sex dies off with time when lust is quenched, but friendship & the associated zeal remains forever!

Rachel Heather said...

CP - Thanks! However he has met his Dream Girl and I really like her too! Lets just hope he makes it work! LOL You are right it probably would have never made it past hello had there not been any attraction. Are you still friends?

Deepsat - thanks for stopping by :)

I am out of town right now I have Radiohead tonight....wooooo hooooo!!!!

Alina Chau said...

Oooh .... look at that!! So cute!!
Drop by visit and say Hi! Err ... this is Snooper and Natasha's friend BTW. HE ! HE!

Neil said...

I think male-female friendships are becoming more and more common than they were even twenty years ago during the Harry Meets Sally era.