Im bored.....
Last person who...
1. Slept in your bed: Josh
2. Saw you cry: Josh, my mom, my sister
3. Made you cry: a movie
4. You went to the movies with: Josh
5. You went to the mall with: myself
6. One thing you could take back: I don't do take backs
Have you ever,....
1. Said "I Love You" and meant it: yeah once
2. Got in in a fight with your pet?:no...but he does a get a yellin sometimes
3. Been to California: I live here
4. Been to Mexico: Yes...without my parents even knowing
5. Been to China: No
6. Been to Canada: No
7. Been to Europe:yeah I went backpacking. I had tons of fun but I got assaulted
8. Danced naked:oh allllll the time
9. Wish you were the opposite sex: nah I enjoy being a girly girl
Radom Questions......
1. Do you have a crush on someone: does my boyfriend count?
2. What book are you reading now: HP and the half blood prince
3. Worst feeling in the world: Having someone you love die
4. Future KIDS names: for boys I like - Jacob, Micah, Benjamin. For girls I like Isabella Rose, Eleana, Sofia and Hazel.
5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: when I am not sleeping with something else
6. What's under your bed: not sure I even want to know
7. Favorite sport to watch: Tennis, it is so intense...and baseball for the integrity
8. Location:Fullerton (Orange County) California
9. Piercings/Tattoos: one in each year and my belly button. one tattoo on my ass
10. What are you most scared of: drowning, car crashing, scorpions
11. Where do you want to get married: somewhere overlooking the ocean
12. Who do you really hate: Hitler
13. Do you have a job: yeah I work in a hospital
14. Do you like being around people: Oh yeah!
15. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with? yes....once in high school.
16. Have you ever cried: yes all the time
17. Are you lonely right now: no
18. Song that's stuck in your head a lot: Any Beatles or REM song
Have You Ever....
1. Been in love: Yes
2. Played strip poker: no
3. Gotten beaten up: yes
4. Pulled an all nighter: yeah not always studying either
5. Been on radio/tv: I was on Star Lounge
6. Been in a mosh-pit:yeah and I got trampled and knocked unconscious
7. Do you have any gay/lesbian friends: yes
8. Skinny dipped: in multiple countries!
In the last 24 Hours have you...
1. Cried: no
2. Bought something: food count?
3. Gotten sick: no
4. Sang: yeah
5. Been kissed: yeah
7. Felt stupid: nopes
8. Talked to an ex: nope
9. Missed someone: yeah a couple friends I have not seen in a while
10. Hugged someone: yeah and cuddles. I love it
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
I know I know I have been a shitty poster this past week. Please forgive me....
I had my friends from out of town (out of the country) come in for a visit and my weekend was spent showing them around our little neck of the woods. Monday we went to Disneyland (never go in July if you want to keep your sanity).
Disneyland was tons of fun. They have done it up nicely for the 50th anniversary celebration. I didn't buy much though, most of my money was spent buying the 3 dollar water and the 4 dollar sodas.
I loved spending the weekend with my little "niece" Kaylie. My friends who were visiting (from Aruba) have a two year old daughter who is just the cutest thing in the world. I would be lying if I said I did not get choked up when she would say, "Auntie Rachel come here" AHh precious.
I know I, personally, am not ready for children just yet. I want to be married and have my career well under way. But it is fun to think what my kids would look like and how they will act (perfect of course). I, being the girly girl that I am, starting picking baby names around the age of 14 so I cant say I am not prepared. ;)
I was thinking the other day that before all of that...before I settle down with kids, I want to live in New York, even if it is just for a tiny bit. I know it is not a place to raise kids or anything, but it is a damn good place to live for a while.
The brother and the boyfriend have plans to take over the world....God help us.
I am started an extreme training regimen to train for the mud run....I will have the body I always dreamed of having.
I really want a puppy. A YORKIE!!!!
I promise I will have some philosophical yet funny post later but work is calling...
For now I leave you with a few questions....
If you could save one item from your house on fire what would it be and why?
If you could pick one item that you want right now if money did not matter what would it be?
If you had to pick an animal that acts most like you what would it be and why?
If you were on death row, what would your last meal request be?
If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be and why?
If you had to pick between being satisfied sexually for the rest of you life or spending it with a best friend where no sex was there which would it be?
fill them out in the comments people! :)
I had my friends from out of town (out of the country) come in for a visit and my weekend was spent showing them around our little neck of the woods. Monday we went to Disneyland (never go in July if you want to keep your sanity).
Disneyland was tons of fun. They have done it up nicely for the 50th anniversary celebration. I didn't buy much though, most of my money was spent buying the 3 dollar water and the 4 dollar sodas.
I loved spending the weekend with my little "niece" Kaylie. My friends who were visiting (from Aruba) have a two year old daughter who is just the cutest thing in the world. I would be lying if I said I did not get choked up when she would say, "Auntie Rachel come here" AHh precious.
I know I, personally, am not ready for children just yet. I want to be married and have my career well under way. But it is fun to think what my kids would look like and how they will act (perfect of course). I, being the girly girl that I am, starting picking baby names around the age of 14 so I cant say I am not prepared. ;)
I was thinking the other day that before all of that...before I settle down with kids, I want to live in New York, even if it is just for a tiny bit. I know it is not a place to raise kids or anything, but it is a damn good place to live for a while.
The brother and the boyfriend have plans to take over the world....God help us.
I am started an extreme training regimen to train for the mud run....I will have the body I always dreamed of having.
I really want a puppy. A YORKIE!!!!
I promise I will have some philosophical yet funny post later but work is calling...
For now I leave you with a few questions....
If you could save one item from your house on fire what would it be and why?
If you could pick one item that you want right now if money did not matter what would it be?
If you had to pick an animal that acts most like you what would it be and why?
If you were on death row, what would your last meal request be?
If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be and why?
If you had to pick between being satisfied sexually for the rest of you life or spending it with a best friend where no sex was there which would it be?
fill them out in the comments people! :)
Monday, July 18, 2005
Harry Potter!!!
Harry Potter came out. I finished the book already. It was one of the best so far and the answers given as well as the questions to be answered in book Seven are enough to give me that good tingly feeling of anticipation.
TWO YEARS TILL BOOK SEVEN COMES OUT!!
Have no fear, for those that have not yet read it I will not give out any spoilers. But I will say you will laugh, cry, and be shocked out of your seat all at once.
I am told the book sold 6.9 million copies in the first 24 hours. That is just nuts. This is a woman who is an inspiration to me not only because of her talent but because of how she even got there. Harry Potter was the first book Rowling ever wrote. How's that for divine luck?!
While Harry is based on the classic mythos of good vs. evil. The villain who fell to the dark side and the "chosen one" who's prophecy is to defeat him/her radiates throughout many of history's finest novels. Yet something about Harry is still very original. It has some "magic" in there I would say.
I miss the world it takes one into already. (Maybe I should not have finished so fast!) I am going to read the entire series before Seven comes out though. If only to transport myself to this magical world where anything is possible and the ability to love is the greatest weapon on earth.
Harry Potter came out. I finished the book already. It was one of the best so far and the answers given as well as the questions to be answered in book Seven are enough to give me that good tingly feeling of anticipation.
TWO YEARS TILL BOOK SEVEN COMES OUT!!
Have no fear, for those that have not yet read it I will not give out any spoilers. But I will say you will laugh, cry, and be shocked out of your seat all at once.
I am told the book sold 6.9 million copies in the first 24 hours. That is just nuts. This is a woman who is an inspiration to me not only because of her talent but because of how she even got there. Harry Potter was the first book Rowling ever wrote. How's that for divine luck?!
While Harry is based on the classic mythos of good vs. evil. The villain who fell to the dark side and the "chosen one" who's prophecy is to defeat him/her radiates throughout many of history's finest novels. Yet something about Harry is still very original. It has some "magic" in there I would say.
I miss the world it takes one into already. (Maybe I should not have finished so fast!) I am going to read the entire series before Seven comes out though. If only to transport myself to this magical world where anything is possible and the ability to love is the greatest weapon on earth.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
If you saw me walking down the street...
If you saw me walking down the street, you wouldn't really know me. I would be this stranger to you; Someone you would form an opinion on based on my walk, my talk, my clothes and my hair.
You might see me walking with a slight confident step. I know its a heavy walk, like I command the ground I am walking on. This is probably due to my years of dancing where I was always taught to "own the floor".
My jeans are probably expensive but I am not decked out in head to toe designer. If it is a casual day most likely its jeans, a tank top and flip flops. Designer sunglasses....a must.
By seeing me, this is probably the picture you would paint. A south Orange County girl. Spoiled. Confident. Pretty but not overwhelmingly so. Normal.
This is what I think when I see most people. I have come to find out how untrue that is.
Not many people who read this blog really know much of who I am. I am not talking about what has happened to me or where I have gone. Rather, what made me who I am...
I figure if I am going to tell somebody all that has happened I might as tell everybody who chooses to listen. I am not special. I am not someone who they could make a TV movie out of their life. I am just an ordinary girl who did what she had to do.
My childhood was nothing special. I was born into a big upper middle class family. We lived in Orange County. My parents were dual income so I had a nanny, Cecelia was her name. However, not once do I ever remember my parents ever missing a piano recital or a dance recital. I guess that's better than most can do.
I wasn't an easy child. Countless memories involve myself kicking my brother in the nuts with my steel toed tap shoes on, burning his entire hand with a curling iron, and threatening to tell our entire elementary school that for three months I had to sleep in his room because he had read the Boogeyman by Stephen King and was from then on afraid to sleep alone.
It's funny to look back on life and see these tiny little events completely snowball and create exactly who we are today. I still cause trouble. I still cry when anything bad happens. I still remember people looking at me and telling my parents, "Wow she is going to have the boys lining up when she gets older."
Amazing how one sentence, when seen through hindsight can help us be who we are.
I was a cute kid. I was very short and tiny. I had a round face, big huge green eyes, and brown hair. I was like the Gerber baby. This might be great in theory but from a young age I noticed that that was just not good enough. I was cute. I would become pretty one day. However, what I was not was one of those model type babies.
I grew to be an child among beauties. It seemed (and my memory could have been bias) that none of my friends went through any stage where they felt like strangers to their own bodies. I had some baby fat. Where my friends didn't. They were taller and had tan olive skin and no freckles. I felt out of place among my dancer friends. I wish I could say I hit puberty and it got better. It didn't.
When I was 13 I got very sick all of a sudden. I, being already very tiny for my age, stopped growing. I couldn't eat and what I did eat came right back up. I looked like the walking dead and got very depressed. I hung out with the bad crowd (if that is what they are called in 7th grade). Once I had stopped growing for an long time and they figured I did not have the flu I was run through a series of tests I do not wish upon my enemy. They stuck things where they did not belong. They poked, prodded and stuck me with needles. I had a stomach problem and only hard core very regulated medications could make me better.
The medication was worse than the disease.
It is called prednisone and if you ever see a transplant patient where their face doubles in size and becomes "moon like" then you have seen someone on it. They gave me the highest dose they could, patted me on the head and told me, "many kids don't have any bad side effects." they were wrong.
In two months my blood tests had gone to normal. My stomach healed. Yeah!! Woo hoo!!
Except I felt worse than I had before. I gained 50 pounds of pure water weight (which looks like a puffy baloon). I lost all of my "bad" friends. The boys made fun of me. The one guy I had a crush on, who liked me before, told me he just wanted to be friends. I had to stop competing in my dance competitions. My clothes did not fit. My face looked like every one of my teeth got knocked out. It was twice its size. It was then I learned some values of real friendship. The lesson...kids are mean.
It took almost a year to lose the weight, my entire 8th grade experience was tainted by this steroid that I now considered my worst enemy. I managed to enter high school with my petite body again. Only I was short, and my puberty was late, so I looked about 12 years old. (if you don't believe me I swear I can show pictures I could still get in free at the swap meet).
I had lost all of my friends who thankfully went to a different high school so I was determined to get to the popular girl status by any means necessary. I was sick of not being the best. I tried out for cheerleading and made it. I tried out for the dance team and made it. It would be an understatement to say I was not in awe of these girls I was now surrounded by. Long perfect hair. Perfect outfits. They had flat stomachs and hips. They gossiped about their boyfriends and who was throwing the best party that weekend. I wanted to be them.
I managed to make some friends. Some of them cheerleaders, some from my honors classes, all of them friends with each other before I got there leaving me feeling "outside" of the loop most of the time. I was into dancing pretty hard core, so I did not mind the lack of plans. I always had my dance friends and most weekends were spent going to competitions.
I still wanted to be in with this group of girls. They looked like women. They were popular already and even the junior and senior guys lusted after them. I never had even been kissed. I didn't even know how to flirt or date or anything. However, I was still determined. I kept wondering to myself, when I might start to become the beauty everyone said I would. I was still cute. Not a beauty.
It started to change the following year. I got a car and my license. I was the first one. I began to give the popular girls rides to parties. Deep down I knew they were using me because I was nice and had a car. I didn't care I was able to go to the parties. I was able to laugh when someone in the quad was joking about a guy who got soooo drunk the last weekend. It was starting to fall into place. I was becoming friends with the popular girls.
Junior year a guy transferred into our school who instantly became the most popular guy. He was the "hot" one and he knew it. Somehow we became friends. Best friends. Only I was in love with him (well as "in love" as someone could be at that age) and he looked at me like his little sister. We partied together. I became popular. I had my first kiss. I know now it was because I was willing to use my allowance on vodka for everyone and throw parties at my house when my parents were out of town. My once straight A grades dropped. I could not stand my parents. BUT I was popular. I was even friends with all the beautiful people which made me feel like maybe I was pretty too. Only I wasn't really. I was still in my cute phase, looking about 13 years old. None of the boys looked at me as girlfriend material. I was the cool girl to be friends with. I didn't care.
"Wow one day this girl will have the guys lining up after her."
Yeah, uh huh, when buddy???
I managed to graduate from high school and somehow start to look halfway pretty. I even had a few boys ask me out or hit on me. I still felt ugly.
It was not until I met this guy David that I felt like an adult. A pretty adult no less. People thought I was pretty. David thought I was hot. We went out for months. David was perfect. He was going into medical school. He was tall, dark and handsome, polite and nice. He was also very boring.
Next came Omri. Who would stare into my eyes and tell me I was the most beautiful girl in the world. He would ask my ring size and say, "soon." He told me he was in love with me after two weeks of going out and knew in his heart I was the "one." Being that I was so inexperienced and insecure I bought all of it. I ate it all up. Except Omri used me and dumped me when I was at my most vulnerable. I had just gotten back from backpacking in Europe. I had gotten assaulted and scarred. It happened as soon as I landed and something about the way he said, "It's not you it's me" made me realize that I really was not pretty enough. Or smart enough. Or good enough.
"Wow someday the boys will be lining up for her."
I got over Omri fairly quickly with some help of course. But I made a decision for the first time in my life to focus on me. I read every single self help book they carried at the bookstore. I listened to music to interpret the meaning of life. I studied philosophy to gain wisdom and read every piece of chick literature out there to help me feel optimistic ( no joke I was popping out about 5 chick books a week).
I studied Kabbalah, Jung, Toltec wisdom, scripture, Aristotle, and Marcus Aurelius. I read Ovid and books of alchemy. I read all of Plato (who I don't like at all) and Locke.
I started saying no to my friends (the popular ones) when they wanted to go clubbing. I spent my time exercising, reading and writing in my journal. I made my own plans, said no to every date because really no one was good enough or worth it.
One day I looked in the mirror. I stood there naked and for the first time in my life, loved exactly what I saw. I loved my face, my hair, and my body. Maybe I finally really did become pretty. Maybe I always was. Maybe it was my mind that changed.
I respected myself. I respected my ability to say no, to fight back, to not be with a guy just because he was the one that asked first. I could make a choice and that was perfection to me.
"One day Rachel, the boys will line up for you."
It happened. Then again at that point I didn't care.
What was more important is that I finally believed it. "One day" was here and the "boys" did not matter whether they lined up or not. (thankfully the right ones did hehe)
What mattered most was I got there.
I was beautiful.
If you saw me walking down the street, you wouldn't really know me. I would be this stranger to you; Someone you would form an opinion on based on my walk, my talk, my clothes and my hair.
You might see me walking with a slight confident step. I know its a heavy walk, like I command the ground I am walking on. This is probably due to my years of dancing where I was always taught to "own the floor".
My jeans are probably expensive but I am not decked out in head to toe designer. If it is a casual day most likely its jeans, a tank top and flip flops. Designer sunglasses....a must.
By seeing me, this is probably the picture you would paint. A south Orange County girl. Spoiled. Confident. Pretty but not overwhelmingly so. Normal.
This is what I think when I see most people. I have come to find out how untrue that is.
Not many people who read this blog really know much of who I am. I am not talking about what has happened to me or where I have gone. Rather, what made me who I am...
I figure if I am going to tell somebody all that has happened I might as tell everybody who chooses to listen. I am not special. I am not someone who they could make a TV movie out of their life. I am just an ordinary girl who did what she had to do.
My childhood was nothing special. I was born into a big upper middle class family. We lived in Orange County. My parents were dual income so I had a nanny, Cecelia was her name. However, not once do I ever remember my parents ever missing a piano recital or a dance recital. I guess that's better than most can do.
I wasn't an easy child. Countless memories involve myself kicking my brother in the nuts with my steel toed tap shoes on, burning his entire hand with a curling iron, and threatening to tell our entire elementary school that for three months I had to sleep in his room because he had read the Boogeyman by Stephen King and was from then on afraid to sleep alone.
It's funny to look back on life and see these tiny little events completely snowball and create exactly who we are today. I still cause trouble. I still cry when anything bad happens. I still remember people looking at me and telling my parents, "Wow she is going to have the boys lining up when she gets older."
Amazing how one sentence, when seen through hindsight can help us be who we are.
I was a cute kid. I was very short and tiny. I had a round face, big huge green eyes, and brown hair. I was like the Gerber baby. This might be great in theory but from a young age I noticed that that was just not good enough. I was cute. I would become pretty one day. However, what I was not was one of those model type babies.
I grew to be an child among beauties. It seemed (and my memory could have been bias) that none of my friends went through any stage where they felt like strangers to their own bodies. I had some baby fat. Where my friends didn't. They were taller and had tan olive skin and no freckles. I felt out of place among my dancer friends. I wish I could say I hit puberty and it got better. It didn't.
When I was 13 I got very sick all of a sudden. I, being already very tiny for my age, stopped growing. I couldn't eat and what I did eat came right back up. I looked like the walking dead and got very depressed. I hung out with the bad crowd (if that is what they are called in 7th grade). Once I had stopped growing for an long time and they figured I did not have the flu I was run through a series of tests I do not wish upon my enemy. They stuck things where they did not belong. They poked, prodded and stuck me with needles. I had a stomach problem and only hard core very regulated medications could make me better.
The medication was worse than the disease.
It is called prednisone and if you ever see a transplant patient where their face doubles in size and becomes "moon like" then you have seen someone on it. They gave me the highest dose they could, patted me on the head and told me, "many kids don't have any bad side effects." they were wrong.
In two months my blood tests had gone to normal. My stomach healed. Yeah!! Woo hoo!!
Except I felt worse than I had before. I gained 50 pounds of pure water weight (which looks like a puffy baloon). I lost all of my "bad" friends. The boys made fun of me. The one guy I had a crush on, who liked me before, told me he just wanted to be friends. I had to stop competing in my dance competitions. My clothes did not fit. My face looked like every one of my teeth got knocked out. It was twice its size. It was then I learned some values of real friendship. The lesson...kids are mean.
It took almost a year to lose the weight, my entire 8th grade experience was tainted by this steroid that I now considered my worst enemy. I managed to enter high school with my petite body again. Only I was short, and my puberty was late, so I looked about 12 years old. (if you don't believe me I swear I can show pictures I could still get in free at the swap meet).
I had lost all of my friends who thankfully went to a different high school so I was determined to get to the popular girl status by any means necessary. I was sick of not being the best. I tried out for cheerleading and made it. I tried out for the dance team and made it. It would be an understatement to say I was not in awe of these girls I was now surrounded by. Long perfect hair. Perfect outfits. They had flat stomachs and hips. They gossiped about their boyfriends and who was throwing the best party that weekend. I wanted to be them.
I managed to make some friends. Some of them cheerleaders, some from my honors classes, all of them friends with each other before I got there leaving me feeling "outside" of the loop most of the time. I was into dancing pretty hard core, so I did not mind the lack of plans. I always had my dance friends and most weekends were spent going to competitions.
I still wanted to be in with this group of girls. They looked like women. They were popular already and even the junior and senior guys lusted after them. I never had even been kissed. I didn't even know how to flirt or date or anything. However, I was still determined. I kept wondering to myself, when I might start to become the beauty everyone said I would. I was still cute. Not a beauty.
It started to change the following year. I got a car and my license. I was the first one. I began to give the popular girls rides to parties. Deep down I knew they were using me because I was nice and had a car. I didn't care I was able to go to the parties. I was able to laugh when someone in the quad was joking about a guy who got soooo drunk the last weekend. It was starting to fall into place. I was becoming friends with the popular girls.
Junior year a guy transferred into our school who instantly became the most popular guy. He was the "hot" one and he knew it. Somehow we became friends. Best friends. Only I was in love with him (well as "in love" as someone could be at that age) and he looked at me like his little sister. We partied together. I became popular. I had my first kiss. I know now it was because I was willing to use my allowance on vodka for everyone and throw parties at my house when my parents were out of town. My once straight A grades dropped. I could not stand my parents. BUT I was popular. I was even friends with all the beautiful people which made me feel like maybe I was pretty too. Only I wasn't really. I was still in my cute phase, looking about 13 years old. None of the boys looked at me as girlfriend material. I was the cool girl to be friends with. I didn't care.
"Wow one day this girl will have the guys lining up after her."
Yeah, uh huh, when buddy???
I managed to graduate from high school and somehow start to look halfway pretty. I even had a few boys ask me out or hit on me. I still felt ugly.
It was not until I met this guy David that I felt like an adult. A pretty adult no less. People thought I was pretty. David thought I was hot. We went out for months. David was perfect. He was going into medical school. He was tall, dark and handsome, polite and nice. He was also very boring.
Next came Omri. Who would stare into my eyes and tell me I was the most beautiful girl in the world. He would ask my ring size and say, "soon." He told me he was in love with me after two weeks of going out and knew in his heart I was the "one." Being that I was so inexperienced and insecure I bought all of it. I ate it all up. Except Omri used me and dumped me when I was at my most vulnerable. I had just gotten back from backpacking in Europe. I had gotten assaulted and scarred. It happened as soon as I landed and something about the way he said, "It's not you it's me" made me realize that I really was not pretty enough. Or smart enough. Or good enough.
"Wow someday the boys will be lining up for her."
I got over Omri fairly quickly with some help of course. But I made a decision for the first time in my life to focus on me. I read every single self help book they carried at the bookstore. I listened to music to interpret the meaning of life. I studied philosophy to gain wisdom and read every piece of chick literature out there to help me feel optimistic ( no joke I was popping out about 5 chick books a week).
I studied Kabbalah, Jung, Toltec wisdom, scripture, Aristotle, and Marcus Aurelius. I read Ovid and books of alchemy. I read all of Plato (who I don't like at all) and Locke.
I started saying no to my friends (the popular ones) when they wanted to go clubbing. I spent my time exercising, reading and writing in my journal. I made my own plans, said no to every date because really no one was good enough or worth it.
One day I looked in the mirror. I stood there naked and for the first time in my life, loved exactly what I saw. I loved my face, my hair, and my body. Maybe I finally really did become pretty. Maybe I always was. Maybe it was my mind that changed.
I respected myself. I respected my ability to say no, to fight back, to not be with a guy just because he was the one that asked first. I could make a choice and that was perfection to me.
"One day Rachel, the boys will line up for you."
It happened. Then again at that point I didn't care.
What was more important is that I finally believed it. "One day" was here and the "boys" did not matter whether they lined up or not. (thankfully the right ones did hehe)
What mattered most was I got there.
I was beautiful.
Friday, July 08, 2005
Maybe...
Maybe we should not wear white pants and then sit on the curb.
Maybe we should never take shit from anyone.
Maybe the clouds really are shaped like ice cream cones.
Maybe we should never settle for anything.
Maybe goldfish are not the greatest of pets.
Maybe we should get angry sometimes.
Maybe we should not take a big gulp of tea when it is fresh off the stove.
Maybe we should cry when we are sad and laugh when we are happy.
Maybe nothing really is personnel
Maybe Nicholas Sparks books don't have to make us cry after the first chapter.
Maybe we should not be nice but real instead.
Maybe we should take more baths with bubbles and rubber duckies.
Maybe we should demand the world give itself to us.
Maybe we should drink more water.
Maybe we should walk on sand barefoot more.
Maybe we should enjoy what we have more.
Maybe chick movies really do serve a purpose.
Maybe our prayers are answered when we need it most.
Maybe we should take more days off.
Maybe diet coke really does rot our brains.
Maybe we should eat more cookies and less veggies.
Maybe God really does count the tears of women.
Maybe movies can change your life.
Maybe money really is not all it's cracked up to be.
Maybe love does conquer all.
Maybe we should stand up for ourselves to the man.
Maybe we should spend more time in the sun.
Maybe The Beatles are perfection.
Maybe cats do know everything.
Maybe we should not sit on a curb when we are wearing white pants....
Just maybe
Maybe we should not wear white pants and then sit on the curb.
Maybe we should never take shit from anyone.
Maybe the clouds really are shaped like ice cream cones.
Maybe we should never settle for anything.
Maybe goldfish are not the greatest of pets.
Maybe we should get angry sometimes.
Maybe we should not take a big gulp of tea when it is fresh off the stove.
Maybe we should cry when we are sad and laugh when we are happy.
Maybe nothing really is personnel
Maybe Nicholas Sparks books don't have to make us cry after the first chapter.
Maybe we should not be nice but real instead.
Maybe we should take more baths with bubbles and rubber duckies.
Maybe we should demand the world give itself to us.
Maybe we should drink more water.
Maybe we should walk on sand barefoot more.
Maybe we should enjoy what we have more.
Maybe chick movies really do serve a purpose.
Maybe our prayers are answered when we need it most.
Maybe we should take more days off.
Maybe diet coke really does rot our brains.
Maybe we should eat more cookies and less veggies.
Maybe God really does count the tears of women.
Maybe movies can change your life.
Maybe money really is not all it's cracked up to be.
Maybe love does conquer all.
Maybe we should stand up for ourselves to the man.
Maybe we should spend more time in the sun.
Maybe The Beatles are perfection.
Maybe cats do know everything.
Maybe we should not sit on a curb when we are wearing white pants....
Just maybe
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Let's all just be happy for a bit
This morning I stopped at the gas station on my way to work. I put the thingy in the hole and went inside to buy a water. When I got out I then got in my car and drove away. Missing something? Oh yeah!! I drove off with the thingy (have no clue what it's called) still in the hole. I broke the pump and got yelled at. My car is ok.
That was the start of my morning....
My heart goes out to those in London. I know a few people over there but thankfully they are all ok. I sometimes have to wonder...is change even possible? These people don't want to be reached out to. They want to kill western civilization and I don't think anything we do would change their mind.
I was speaking with my sister about a mutual family member we know who has been bothering us for quite a bit of time. This person on the outside looks like they have everything in life. Everything except humility and perspective. This person is arrogant because they never had to struggle for anything in life. Everything came easily and naturally. There were no big obstacles to overcome and as a result I think they have no clear appreciation for what they do have. We all know this type of person.
What I always see is those that went through harsh times, life struggles, and obstacles end up being the type of person others respect and look up to. They end up strong, self aware and confident yet humble. I always say, "whenever we break a bone it grows back stronger," and somehow I think struggles are God pushing our life in a direction it is supposed to go, rather than where we think it should go.
My Gramps says that obstacles are like the lotto...we have to look at them as winning a million dollars, because that is how valuable they are for shaping our future. He says we have to have faith in the outcome...and the outcome looks golden.
I guess I just wish people could see how great their lives are. And truly truly appreciate what they have. Things can go up in smoke in an instant. Death happens every day.
I guess I am just in a deep thought mode today....
I am happy with my life. I am happy with where I am. I have so many goals and things I want and have to do...but right now I am just happy with who I am. I am not a millionaire (yet...) I am not famous or anything. I am just me and for the time being, that is good enough for me. I know those that love me. I know those that hate me. Some people would die for me and some would not cry a tear over anything. I guess that is the way it should be...
On to lighter things...(thank God)
Batman is one of the coolest movies I have seen in a long time. It was raw and real (well as real as a guy dressed as a bat could be) and it made sense. Christian Bale did an excellent job and I have to say he is one hottie!!
I have found some potential roommates. I am meeting with some all next week. Hopefully I find some people I can get along with....we can only hope.
I want a puppy...:/
More later...happy stuff I swear :)
This morning I stopped at the gas station on my way to work. I put the thingy in the hole and went inside to buy a water. When I got out I then got in my car and drove away. Missing something? Oh yeah!! I drove off with the thingy (have no clue what it's called) still in the hole. I broke the pump and got yelled at. My car is ok.
That was the start of my morning....
My heart goes out to those in London. I know a few people over there but thankfully they are all ok. I sometimes have to wonder...is change even possible? These people don't want to be reached out to. They want to kill western civilization and I don't think anything we do would change their mind.
I was speaking with my sister about a mutual family member we know who has been bothering us for quite a bit of time. This person on the outside looks like they have everything in life. Everything except humility and perspective. This person is arrogant because they never had to struggle for anything in life. Everything came easily and naturally. There were no big obstacles to overcome and as a result I think they have no clear appreciation for what they do have. We all know this type of person.
What I always see is those that went through harsh times, life struggles, and obstacles end up being the type of person others respect and look up to. They end up strong, self aware and confident yet humble. I always say, "whenever we break a bone it grows back stronger," and somehow I think struggles are God pushing our life in a direction it is supposed to go, rather than where we think it should go.
My Gramps says that obstacles are like the lotto...we have to look at them as winning a million dollars, because that is how valuable they are for shaping our future. He says we have to have faith in the outcome...and the outcome looks golden.
I guess I just wish people could see how great their lives are. And truly truly appreciate what they have. Things can go up in smoke in an instant. Death happens every day.
I guess I am just in a deep thought mode today....
I am happy with my life. I am happy with where I am. I have so many goals and things I want and have to do...but right now I am just happy with who I am. I am not a millionaire (yet...) I am not famous or anything. I am just me and for the time being, that is good enough for me. I know those that love me. I know those that hate me. Some people would die for me and some would not cry a tear over anything. I guess that is the way it should be...
On to lighter things...(thank God)
Batman is one of the coolest movies I have seen in a long time. It was raw and real (well as real as a guy dressed as a bat could be) and it made sense. Christian Bale did an excellent job and I have to say he is one hottie!!
I have found some potential roommates. I am meeting with some all next week. Hopefully I find some people I can get along with....we can only hope.
I want a puppy...:/
More later...happy stuff I swear :)
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
I am missing my teeth!!!!
Well I got those babies taken out. I figured a few things out. I cannot for the life of me handle tooth pain very well.
I have been through broken bones, surgeries and the like...I always bounced back without any problems or complaints. But let me tell you, tooth pain is worse than anything ever! My mouth goes from feeling normal to feeling like someone is trying to pull every single one of my teeth out and then run a knife along my gums....yeah something like that.
It was fine when I went to bed last night but I woke up crying around 1:00 AM with this shooting pain. So I did what any 23 year old girl would do...crawled into bed with my mother while she applied a heating pad and gave me vicadin and tea.
How old am I?
It is amazing how when we get sick, no matter how old we are, we act like children.
so anyways...
my boyfriend was sitting at on my sofa keeping me company while I was in pain when he looked over and noticed my dog masturbating. I have a pug. Sometimes he sits up on his hind legs and starts whacking his wiener with his paw. This is comedy. Since then the boyfriend has made it his mission to imitate Boris perfectly. This means he makes it a point to even snort while he is pretending to whack it with his "paw".
Yeah I know...
I have dreams that I get up from my desk and club my supervisor across the head. Am I alone in this?
more tonight I promise
Well I got those babies taken out. I figured a few things out. I cannot for the life of me handle tooth pain very well.
I have been through broken bones, surgeries and the like...I always bounced back without any problems or complaints. But let me tell you, tooth pain is worse than anything ever! My mouth goes from feeling normal to feeling like someone is trying to pull every single one of my teeth out and then run a knife along my gums....yeah something like that.
It was fine when I went to bed last night but I woke up crying around 1:00 AM with this shooting pain. So I did what any 23 year old girl would do...crawled into bed with my mother while she applied a heating pad and gave me vicadin and tea.
How old am I?
It is amazing how when we get sick, no matter how old we are, we act like children.
so anyways...
my boyfriend was sitting at on my sofa keeping me company while I was in pain when he looked over and noticed my dog masturbating. I have a pug. Sometimes he sits up on his hind legs and starts whacking his wiener with his paw. This is comedy. Since then the boyfriend has made it his mission to imitate Boris perfectly. This means he makes it a point to even snort while he is pretending to whack it with his "paw".
Yeah I know...
I have dreams that I get up from my desk and club my supervisor across the head. Am I alone in this?
more tonight I promise
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
This Friday I am getting my wisdom teeth taken out. :(
However, being that I always look on the bright side of my life (I swear I do I do!) I think this could be a good thing....I will lose a couple pounds!!!
I workout in the mornings at the gym at work. So more days than not, I bring my work uniform with me (scrubs) to change into after a shower. I mostly sleep at my boyfriend's house so the night before work I have to pack gym clothes, work clothes and my lunch. Well I come out of the shower this morning and grab my work clothes.....I forgot my underwear. What is worse? I am wearing white scrubs today. I am wearing white scrubs with no panties. I have to say I feel rather....risque.
Tom Cruise can kiss my pretty tight white ass. He is an expert on psychiatry??? That is just a big pile of smelly bullshit. That's all I have to say about that.
There are some things I know I want to write about. But, I want to sit down and write not give some half ass throw up of a post...so it will just have to wait.
I was kissing my boyfriend the other day and I farted. I guess that is just not sexy.
But he farts too...
So I'm still sexy.
I am going to a million concerts this fall...Oasis, Paul, Decemberists, Green Day, Street Scene....So I am feeling the itch. I miss my concerts. I need some to go to NOW!
I want a puppy.
A puppy is like a little baby to take care of. I might just have to take a trip to the pound.
If you believe in God...did something happen in your life to give you that belief? Did something happen to take it away?
If I had money I would be in London right now partying like a rock star (literally)....oh the joys of being poor.
I promise more interesting stuff tonight. I really do!!!!
Lots of love
Rach
However, being that I always look on the bright side of my life (I swear I do I do!) I think this could be a good thing....I will lose a couple pounds!!!
I workout in the mornings at the gym at work. So more days than not, I bring my work uniform with me (scrubs) to change into after a shower. I mostly sleep at my boyfriend's house so the night before work I have to pack gym clothes, work clothes and my lunch. Well I come out of the shower this morning and grab my work clothes.....I forgot my underwear. What is worse? I am wearing white scrubs today. I am wearing white scrubs with no panties. I have to say I feel rather....risque.
Tom Cruise can kiss my pretty tight white ass. He is an expert on psychiatry??? That is just a big pile of smelly bullshit. That's all I have to say about that.
There are some things I know I want to write about. But, I want to sit down and write not give some half ass throw up of a post...so it will just have to wait.
I was kissing my boyfriend the other day and I farted. I guess that is just not sexy.
But he farts too...
So I'm still sexy.
I am going to a million concerts this fall...Oasis, Paul, Decemberists, Green Day, Street Scene....So I am feeling the itch. I miss my concerts. I need some to go to NOW!
I want a puppy.
A puppy is like a little baby to take care of. I might just have to take a trip to the pound.
If you believe in God...did something happen in your life to give you that belief? Did something happen to take it away?
If I had money I would be in London right now partying like a rock star (literally)....oh the joys of being poor.
I promise more interesting stuff tonight. I really do!!!!
Lots of love
Rach
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Get Ready For A Ramble
So yesterday I got a bloody nose at work. I also fell down the stairs...yeah just like in the movies. I wonder if that made my status as a professional human being, ya know...go down??
So I am on my sofa nursing my pain (kidding but when you hear what movie I watched you will want to think I was only watching it because I was in pain) and I put Hitch in the DVD player.
I am not a Will Smith fan.
However, a good point was brought up. When it comes to relationships people feel like they need to have a plan. Why? Because if a guy just comes out and says, "I like you," many times it crashes and burns right on top of them. But when does a plan become manipulation? Isn't it a lie? I don't think it is but I wonder why people can't just be honest. Why the game?
My current relationship was never established upon a "game." (At least I don't think it was unless the BF is very savvy) But I guess in all relationships of life the "game" is based upon people giving what THEY think other people want.
Not sure where I am going with this...but I guess I just feel like I wish people, whether it be a boss, a boyfriend, a friend or a family member would not hold back anything and just be upfront and honest. In a parallel universe maybe...
I want to feel like I don't have to be somebody to everyone...but I want to feel like I am everything to someone. My mother? Father? Boyfriend? Friends? My dog maybe? Is it even possible? I guess I just want to make a difference in someone's life....for the good not the bad.
There are so many things I want to do with my life. I want to live in New York for a bit. I want to be a writer. I want to have children and be married. I want to do everything on my "list" (including jumping out of a plane, learning how to sail, and going on an African safari). I wonder if I can do it all.
I guess I am just feeling very introspective today...
Let's lighten up!
I got my hair done and I must say I look rather ravishing. This is a good look for me.
My new job has gotten me addicted to coffee. I am a different person without it now.
I got honked at three times on the drive home last night. I am still not sure if I was just looking hot or if I am a horrible driver.
I am not a geek. Yeah I am going to the midnight release of Harry Potter but I am not a geek!! I'm NOT!!!!!
My brother has moved closer to me. This makes me happy. He is only 30 minutes away now and walking distance from Cheesecake Factory. Double bonus.
Thought for the day....
If the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence...what color is the fence?
So yesterday I got a bloody nose at work. I also fell down the stairs...yeah just like in the movies. I wonder if that made my status as a professional human being, ya know...go down??
So I am on my sofa nursing my pain (kidding but when you hear what movie I watched you will want to think I was only watching it because I was in pain) and I put Hitch in the DVD player.
I am not a Will Smith fan.
However, a good point was brought up. When it comes to relationships people feel like they need to have a plan. Why? Because if a guy just comes out and says, "I like you," many times it crashes and burns right on top of them. But when does a plan become manipulation? Isn't it a lie? I don't think it is but I wonder why people can't just be honest. Why the game?
My current relationship was never established upon a "game." (At least I don't think it was unless the BF is very savvy) But I guess in all relationships of life the "game" is based upon people giving what THEY think other people want.
Not sure where I am going with this...but I guess I just feel like I wish people, whether it be a boss, a boyfriend, a friend or a family member would not hold back anything and just be upfront and honest. In a parallel universe maybe...
I want to feel like I don't have to be somebody to everyone...but I want to feel like I am everything to someone. My mother? Father? Boyfriend? Friends? My dog maybe? Is it even possible? I guess I just want to make a difference in someone's life....for the good not the bad.
There are so many things I want to do with my life. I want to live in New York for a bit. I want to be a writer. I want to have children and be married. I want to do everything on my "list" (including jumping out of a plane, learning how to sail, and going on an African safari). I wonder if I can do it all.
I guess I am just feeling very introspective today...
Let's lighten up!
I got my hair done and I must say I look rather ravishing. This is a good look for me.
My new job has gotten me addicted to coffee. I am a different person without it now.
I got honked at three times on the drive home last night. I am still not sure if I was just looking hot or if I am a horrible driver.
I am not a geek. Yeah I am going to the midnight release of Harry Potter but I am not a geek!! I'm NOT!!!!!
My brother has moved closer to me. This makes me happy. He is only 30 minutes away now and walking distance from Cheesecake Factory. Double bonus.
Thought for the day....
If the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence...what color is the fence?
Monday, June 20, 2005
What do you want?
We all say we know. We don't. We pretend we know. We don't. What is it we really want? Everyone gives some bullshit answer...
"I want happiness"
"I want money."
"I want love."
This is such bullshit. Of course everyone wants happiness...because what other option is there?
I am more interested in what everyone really wants. It takes some thinking but I know I can figure out at least a few things I want.
Why am I thinking about this? Well I guess I just feel like if I don't pay attention to what I want, then no one else will. How is someone supposed to give you what you want, whether it be a sweet nothing or a new car...if you yourself have no friggen clue?
What I want...
I want a pair of jeans that fit so perfect no one else in the world would be able to wear them.
I want to feel like I am an angel to those in my life.
I want to be held...tight.
I want some kissing fish to put on the shelf.
I want a mini cooper.
I want children....someday.
I want my hair to behave 365 days a year.
I want a vespa.
I want to wake up in the morning looking radiant and beautiful.
I want to never get cramps again.
I want a chocolate river in my backyard like Willy Wonka.
I want my mother to retire.
I want my future (still not written and have no idea what it's about) book to be a success.
I want a cute unique home...no cookie cutter house for me.
I want my Great grandparents to live long enough to be Great Great Grandparents.
I want new black boots.
I want a pair of orange juicy sweats.
I want to move out.
I want sparkly things.
I want a puppy.
I want to have pictures taken.
I want to play dress up.
I want every single one of my Amazon wish list items (695 items)
I want to feel like I make people in my life feel good about themselves.
I want to always feel good about myself.
I want to go to Greece.
I want to win the lotto.
I want to win something.
I want the BF to get all that he deserves. Conde Nast needs to call him.
I want to have a Chanel purse.
What is it you all want? I love hearing so do tell in the comments section. :)
Happy Monday...well not too bad for a Monday anyway
We all say we know. We don't. We pretend we know. We don't. What is it we really want? Everyone gives some bullshit answer...
"I want happiness"
"I want money."
"I want love."
This is such bullshit. Of course everyone wants happiness...because what other option is there?
I am more interested in what everyone really wants. It takes some thinking but I know I can figure out at least a few things I want.
Why am I thinking about this? Well I guess I just feel like if I don't pay attention to what I want, then no one else will. How is someone supposed to give you what you want, whether it be a sweet nothing or a new car...if you yourself have no friggen clue?
What I want...
I want a pair of jeans that fit so perfect no one else in the world would be able to wear them.
I want to feel like I am an angel to those in my life.
I want to be held...tight.
I want some kissing fish to put on the shelf.
I want a mini cooper.
I want children....someday.
I want my hair to behave 365 days a year.
I want a vespa.
I want to wake up in the morning looking radiant and beautiful.
I want to never get cramps again.
I want a chocolate river in my backyard like Willy Wonka.
I want my mother to retire.
I want my future (still not written and have no idea what it's about) book to be a success.
I want a cute unique home...no cookie cutter house for me.
I want my Great grandparents to live long enough to be Great Great Grandparents.
I want new black boots.
I want a pair of orange juicy sweats.
I want to move out.
I want sparkly things.
I want a puppy.
I want to have pictures taken.
I want to play dress up.
I want every single one of my Amazon wish list items (695 items)
I want to feel like I make people in my life feel good about themselves.
I want to always feel good about myself.
I want to go to Greece.
I want to win the lotto.
I want to win something.
I want the BF to get all that he deserves. Conde Nast needs to call him.
I want to have a Chanel purse.
What is it you all want? I love hearing so do tell in the comments section. :)
Happy Monday...well not too bad for a Monday anyway
Friday, June 17, 2005
For goodness sake....
I've got the hippy hippy shake
Bad bad bad pun there but I stick a Beatles line wherever I can. We have got some shakin here!
I am a born and raised California girl but for some reason I still get a little uneasy whenever there is an earthquake. We have not had much quaking for a few years and now all of a sudden we have three?!?! Either this is just the world relieving much needed stress or these quakes are just the introduction to the coming of the BIG ONE.
The boyfriend is now seriously going to buy a puppy!!! Despite what others are telling him he wants the Jack Russell Terrier. I think they are so cute and I do believe everyone should get what they want, no matter what others say. I am beyond happy a puppy is coming. I was going to shoot some of the woman in my family if they did not have a baby soon. We are seriously lacking in the babies on this side of the coast being that all my younger cousins live in New York. So, having a puppy is something that can hold me over until Mrs. and Mrs. I-won't-say-their-names start driving in the preggo lane.
I have now become fascinated with a complete stranger. She was an older woman who shared the same name as me. I was contacted by her because she came across my blog sometime ago. I have since learned some amazing stories about the life she lead. She lived through wars, the roaring 20s, and glamour. She was a flapper, a nurse, a wife, and a friend. It is amazing how a stranger can inspire someone so much. I hope to one day wake up when I am 90 years old and be able to look back on my life in the same fashion. The stories some people can tell...it is just astounding.
These hot firemen just came to my office )well to the heart institutes office next door) they were pretty cute. What is it about firemen? I think it is the whole rescue thing. (honey if you are reading this, don't worry you rescue me from insanity every day hehe)
So Tom and Katie are engaged. WTF?!?! 2 months!!!! They even beat my brother on time. I swear this whole relationship (*cough* publicity stunt *cough*) has got me sickened. It is going so far as to he proposed on top of the Eiffel Tower. How cliche is that!!! I swear I would rather be proposed to over dinner or at a ball game than on top of the Eiffel Tower. The whole thing is ripe with fakness. Well, that's Hollywood for you. She is even converting to Scientology from being a Catholic. Oy!
I am trying to perfect roasting nuts. (ok that came out so wrong). But really, they keep coming out soft. How the hell do I get them crunchy!!!! I need crunchy nuts damnit!
More later today...
Thank God it's Friday :)
I've got the hippy hippy shake
Bad bad bad pun there but I stick a Beatles line wherever I can. We have got some shakin here!
I am a born and raised California girl but for some reason I still get a little uneasy whenever there is an earthquake. We have not had much quaking for a few years and now all of a sudden we have three?!?! Either this is just the world relieving much needed stress or these quakes are just the introduction to the coming of the BIG ONE.
The boyfriend is now seriously going to buy a puppy!!! Despite what others are telling him he wants the Jack Russell Terrier. I think they are so cute and I do believe everyone should get what they want, no matter what others say. I am beyond happy a puppy is coming. I was going to shoot some of the woman in my family if they did not have a baby soon. We are seriously lacking in the babies on this side of the coast being that all my younger cousins live in New York. So, having a puppy is something that can hold me over until Mrs. and Mrs. I-won't-say-their-names start driving in the preggo lane.
I have now become fascinated with a complete stranger. She was an older woman who shared the same name as me. I was contacted by her because she came across my blog sometime ago. I have since learned some amazing stories about the life she lead. She lived through wars, the roaring 20s, and glamour. She was a flapper, a nurse, a wife, and a friend. It is amazing how a stranger can inspire someone so much. I hope to one day wake up when I am 90 years old and be able to look back on my life in the same fashion. The stories some people can tell...it is just astounding.
These hot firemen just came to my office )well to the heart institutes office next door) they were pretty cute. What is it about firemen? I think it is the whole rescue thing. (honey if you are reading this, don't worry you rescue me from insanity every day hehe)
So Tom and Katie are engaged. WTF?!?! 2 months!!!! They even beat my brother on time. I swear this whole relationship (*cough* publicity stunt *cough*) has got me sickened. It is going so far as to he proposed on top of the Eiffel Tower. How cliche is that!!! I swear I would rather be proposed to over dinner or at a ball game than on top of the Eiffel Tower. The whole thing is ripe with fakness. Well, that's Hollywood for you. She is even converting to Scientology from being a Catholic. Oy!
I am trying to perfect roasting nuts. (ok that came out so wrong). But really, they keep coming out soft. How the hell do I get them crunchy!!!! I need crunchy nuts damnit!
More later today...
Thank God it's Friday :)
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Dear Sylvia Rynette RN,
I read your letter regarding Rachel Rose Kaplan and I started to cry. When I first wanted to become a writer I felt like if I touched one person's heart then I would know I succeeded...even if I never sold even one piece.
Knowing that a woman, in the last times of her life, was intrigued by my writing makes me feel like I have made a difference. Bringing light to someone's life, no matter for how long, is all I ever really wanted to do.
The fact that we not only share the same name, but that my Hebrew name is Rose makes me wonder if God really does work in mysterious ways.
The letter you wrote means so much to me. I would love for you to contact me so I can talk to you further about Rachel, whom I now feel so connected to. I would appreciate it greatly. A part of me now feels like this great woman was meant to walk into my little world.
Please contact me at Rachelkap@murmurs.com so I can learn more about her
Lots of love
Rachel Kaplan
I read your letter regarding Rachel Rose Kaplan and I started to cry. When I first wanted to become a writer I felt like if I touched one person's heart then I would know I succeeded...even if I never sold even one piece.
Knowing that a woman, in the last times of her life, was intrigued by my writing makes me feel like I have made a difference. Bringing light to someone's life, no matter for how long, is all I ever really wanted to do.
The fact that we not only share the same name, but that my Hebrew name is Rose makes me wonder if God really does work in mysterious ways.
The letter you wrote means so much to me. I would love for you to contact me so I can talk to you further about Rachel, whom I now feel so connected to. I would appreciate it greatly. A part of me now feels like this great woman was meant to walk into my little world.
Please contact me at Rachelkap@murmurs.com so I can learn more about her
Lots of love
Rachel Kaplan
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Let's talk about stress baby....
I am practically living out of my car. I am not kidding. My entire car is full of clothes, makeup, shower gel and shoes. On a given night I don't know where I might be sleeping. My boyfriend's? My own house? Will I even sleep? So as of right now I have clothes everywhere, my computer is causing problems, I have yet to organize my new phone and I just might go crazy.
What I need is one full day. A full day to do nothing but organize my books, my clothes, my phone, my to do list....my life. Instead I am running around from work to the gym to errands and manage to arrive home by 9 o clock only to either fall asleep or pack the next days clothes and head on over to my boyfriend's house.
This weekend I had to go to Santa Barbara for my brother's graduation for his Masters. In typical Kaplan family fashion I had lots of fun mixed with lots of tears.
I am now on my period and all I want to do is kill everything that crosses my path. In a few days I will be back to normal for now I feel like everyone is against me and the world does not feel my pain. I feel like I get no love except from my dog Boris who loves me even when I am a bitchy moody pms'y nut job.
Just a couple more days.....
Just a couple more days....
I need hugs and well wishes today so send them to me!! Pretty please....;)
In other news....
I have to wonder about people who constantly use their income and net worth to magnify their status. I do understand how the male ego is based largely on what they do for their vocation, being that they feel like good providers, but I don't understand one basing how much better they are than everyone else because they happen to have sold their soul to work 80 hours a week for the chance to buy 400 dollar shirts. What's the point?
Yes there is such a thing as people asking for Botox for their dogs. Has our nations dog obsession gone too far?
I had a dream last night of what my life might be like in 5 years. Suprisingly I liked it. Above all else I was happy in my dream.
The Michael Jackson verdict....If he walks I will take it upon myself to go up to Santa Maria and cut off his small multi colored penis.
More later...
Have a fantabulous day!!
I am practically living out of my car. I am not kidding. My entire car is full of clothes, makeup, shower gel and shoes. On a given night I don't know where I might be sleeping. My boyfriend's? My own house? Will I even sleep? So as of right now I have clothes everywhere, my computer is causing problems, I have yet to organize my new phone and I just might go crazy.
What I need is one full day. A full day to do nothing but organize my books, my clothes, my phone, my to do list....my life. Instead I am running around from work to the gym to errands and manage to arrive home by 9 o clock only to either fall asleep or pack the next days clothes and head on over to my boyfriend's house.
This weekend I had to go to Santa Barbara for my brother's graduation for his Masters. In typical Kaplan family fashion I had lots of fun mixed with lots of tears.
I am now on my period and all I want to do is kill everything that crosses my path. In a few days I will be back to normal for now I feel like everyone is against me and the world does not feel my pain. I feel like I get no love except from my dog Boris who loves me even when I am a bitchy moody pms'y nut job.
Just a couple more days.....
Just a couple more days....
I need hugs and well wishes today so send them to me!! Pretty please....;)
In other news....
I have to wonder about people who constantly use their income and net worth to magnify their status. I do understand how the male ego is based largely on what they do for their vocation, being that they feel like good providers, but I don't understand one basing how much better they are than everyone else because they happen to have sold their soul to work 80 hours a week for the chance to buy 400 dollar shirts. What's the point?
Yes there is such a thing as people asking for Botox for their dogs. Has our nations dog obsession gone too far?
I had a dream last night of what my life might be like in 5 years. Suprisingly I liked it. Above all else I was happy in my dream.
The Michael Jackson verdict....If he walks I will take it upon myself to go up to Santa Maria and cut off his small multi colored penis.
More later...
Have a fantabulous day!!
Monday, June 06, 2005
The secret to a happy marriage
This past weekend, my grandparents celebrated their 50th "Golden" wedding anniversary.
My grandparents fight enough, but what I see is a pretty happy and healthy marriage. They have been together since my grandmother was 17. They had two children and lost another. They have gone from dirt poor to the type of lifestyle most would envy.
They went through deaths in families, births, weddings, and every other mile stone. They even lost their entire house and all their possessions in a fire.
So..... Saturday as I was sitting at one of the best restaurants I have eaten at, drinking red wine to my hearts content and loving the fact that we surprised both grandparents with a party without them finding out. I looked at both of them and had to wonder, what was their secret? What did they do that most never do to sustain a healthy and lasting marriage?
My grandfather, toasted out of his mind, got up to give a speech and made some comments on the subject at hand.
"Some people have asked me how to have a healthy marriage...and to that I say it is best to wake up every morning and know your place in the world....its good to be above and not below."
What this means I have no idea...but I guess it is the secret to a happy marriage.
The night included people saying the secret to a happy marriage is, "yes dear." Lots of sparkly diamonds always helps. Hey whatever works. ;)
I got drunk. I was a happy drunk.
Anyway...I see my grandparents through good and bas as one of the few successful marriages out there. I wish them 50 more years.
This past weekend, my grandparents celebrated their 50th "Golden" wedding anniversary.
My grandparents fight enough, but what I see is a pretty happy and healthy marriage. They have been together since my grandmother was 17. They had two children and lost another. They have gone from dirt poor to the type of lifestyle most would envy.
They went through deaths in families, births, weddings, and every other mile stone. They even lost their entire house and all their possessions in a fire.
So..... Saturday as I was sitting at one of the best restaurants I have eaten at, drinking red wine to my hearts content and loving the fact that we surprised both grandparents with a party without them finding out. I looked at both of them and had to wonder, what was their secret? What did they do that most never do to sustain a healthy and lasting marriage?
My grandfather, toasted out of his mind, got up to give a speech and made some comments on the subject at hand.
"Some people have asked me how to have a healthy marriage...and to that I say it is best to wake up every morning and know your place in the world....its good to be above and not below."
What this means I have no idea...but I guess it is the secret to a happy marriage.
The night included people saying the secret to a happy marriage is, "yes dear." Lots of sparkly diamonds always helps. Hey whatever works. ;)
I got drunk. I was a happy drunk.
Anyway...I see my grandparents through good and bas as one of the few successful marriages out there. I wish them 50 more years.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
What do we deserve?
The answer is very simple. We deserve exactly what we think we deserve.
I was talking to a dear friend last night when he explained that I deserved the moon and the stars and everything in between I could possibly want.
"There is a catch," he said.
"What's the catch"? There is always a damn catch!
"You have to think you deserve it."
Interesting.
The thing is in the bible it states, "Ask and you shall receive. Knock and the door will be opened." It does not say you have to explain why. Being who you are is the why. You deserve it because you say you do. All you have to do is ask.
Well that sounds so simple. However, sometimes if we really sit down and think about it we either don't know what we deserve, don't know what to ask for, and feel so shitty-run-over about ourselves that we think we deserve nothing.
I know enough about myself that I deserve and want the best that life has to offer. However, I think one needs to be more specific. I think we all need to be more specific. So to help us all out here is a list that I think we all deserve in life for simply being exactly who we are.
1) Respect. We all deserve respect. BUT don't expect someone to respect you if you disrespect them
2) Kindness. There is never a reason to be mean. BUT if you hurt someone I love then the claws come out.
3) Love. I think everyone deserves great love. Period. No IFS ANDS or BUTS.
4) Trust. We deserve trust but in order to get it we sorta have to give it. Such a catch 22.
5) Fulfillment. If you feel something that you want and it does not come from somewhere selfish then by all means you should have it.
Notice a pattern here? We do deserve everything. But to get everything you have to give.
So does this mean if I give my clothes to the poor than more will magically appear? ;)
The answer is very simple. We deserve exactly what we think we deserve.
I was talking to a dear friend last night when he explained that I deserved the moon and the stars and everything in between I could possibly want.
"There is a catch," he said.
"What's the catch"? There is always a damn catch!
"You have to think you deserve it."
Interesting.
The thing is in the bible it states, "Ask and you shall receive. Knock and the door will be opened." It does not say you have to explain why. Being who you are is the why. You deserve it because you say you do. All you have to do is ask.
Well that sounds so simple. However, sometimes if we really sit down and think about it we either don't know what we deserve, don't know what to ask for, and feel so shitty-run-over about ourselves that we think we deserve nothing.
I know enough about myself that I deserve and want the best that life has to offer. However, I think one needs to be more specific. I think we all need to be more specific. So to help us all out here is a list that I think we all deserve in life for simply being exactly who we are.
1) Respect. We all deserve respect. BUT don't expect someone to respect you if you disrespect them
2) Kindness. There is never a reason to be mean. BUT if you hurt someone I love then the claws come out.
3) Love. I think everyone deserves great love. Period. No IFS ANDS or BUTS.
4) Trust. We deserve trust but in order to get it we sorta have to give it. Such a catch 22.
5) Fulfillment. If you feel something that you want and it does not come from somewhere selfish then by all means you should have it.
Notice a pattern here? We do deserve everything. But to get everything you have to give.
So does this mean if I give my clothes to the poor than more will magically appear? ;)
Friday, May 27, 2005
The Walkers are happy...
My house sits on a hill. Surrounding my house is many other hills, trails and various other paths for the joggers and walkers of my community to tackle. For years, as I drive my car, walk around and look around my neighborhood I see the same people going for their daily runs and the like.
After a while I get used to seeing these people and often attempt to gauge what their lives are like. Do they walk with babies? Are they always with a spouse? Alone?
Often I might see a woman walking with her husband and a few years later I see the same couple walking with a stroller carrying a tiny baby. It is interesting to see these people grow with their lives.
For the longest time I saw this woman walking every day of the week. She was slightly older and walked with a slight limp. Even though her walk was slow, everyday I saw her along the path, walking with a gusto. I never felt sorry for this woman. She always seemed like the type that was comfortable with herself. However, I always felt bad that for years she was always alone. She had this sadness in her face that made me think she had no one. No significant other. No children.
Yesterday as I was driving to the store when I saw this lone walker. This time a smile had replaced her normal bitter facial expression. I looked down at the ground and saw why. Walking beside her was an adorable puppy. It made me smile.
I don't care if it is a puppy a child or a man, everyone should have a companion. (Besides is there even a difference?) ;)If only just to bring a smile to a sullen face.
My house sits on a hill. Surrounding my house is many other hills, trails and various other paths for the joggers and walkers of my community to tackle. For years, as I drive my car, walk around and look around my neighborhood I see the same people going for their daily runs and the like.
After a while I get used to seeing these people and often attempt to gauge what their lives are like. Do they walk with babies? Are they always with a spouse? Alone?
Often I might see a woman walking with her husband and a few years later I see the same couple walking with a stroller carrying a tiny baby. It is interesting to see these people grow with their lives.
For the longest time I saw this woman walking every day of the week. She was slightly older and walked with a slight limp. Even though her walk was slow, everyday I saw her along the path, walking with a gusto. I never felt sorry for this woman. She always seemed like the type that was comfortable with herself. However, I always felt bad that for years she was always alone. She had this sadness in her face that made me think she had no one. No significant other. No children.
Yesterday as I was driving to the store when I saw this lone walker. This time a smile had replaced her normal bitter facial expression. I looked down at the ground and saw why. Walking beside her was an adorable puppy. It made me smile.
I don't care if it is a puppy a child or a man, everyone should have a companion. (Besides is there even a difference?) ;)If only just to bring a smile to a sullen face.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Some things to think about...
To the anonymous women who wrote me a heartfelt comment on my last post. I wanted to be a writer to be able to connect to people. I wanted to show stranger that life can be interesting even if you are not on the fame and fortune track.
Sometimes I think back to times when people told me I could not write because I had bad spelling. I used to think I could not write because I was not a regular Adams, Delillo or Eggers.
Then I get a comment from a stranger that reminds me why I write in the first place. See most of the time it is not about grammar or spelling. It is never about training or school. It has and always will be about connecting with people. It is about being able to tell the story in your head through paper (or a computer screen).
To the anonymous commenter. Thank you. You remind me why I want to be a writer to begin with.
More updates later.
Rachel
To the anonymous women who wrote me a heartfelt comment on my last post. I wanted to be a writer to be able to connect to people. I wanted to show stranger that life can be interesting even if you are not on the fame and fortune track.
Sometimes I think back to times when people told me I could not write because I had bad spelling. I used to think I could not write because I was not a regular Adams, Delillo or Eggers.
Then I get a comment from a stranger that reminds me why I write in the first place. See most of the time it is not about grammar or spelling. It is never about training or school. It has and always will be about connecting with people. It is about being able to tell the story in your head through paper (or a computer screen).
To the anonymous commenter. Thank you. You remind me why I want to be a writer to begin with.
More updates later.
Rachel
Sunday, May 22, 2005
So I hear women are evil.
I was talking to the grandfather today...
he interrupts with a "hang on hon"
I hear ruffles and arguing in the background.
"Hon I have to go and call you back. I have to change. Your grandmother does not like what I am wearing to dinner.....THINGS HAVE NOT CHANGED IN 50 FUCKING YEARS"
The boyfriend, as we are leaving Star Wars today (for the second time this week) makes a comment, "everything bad that happens, happens because of some girl. Anakin would not have become Darth if it were not for Padame. Helen of Troy. Adam and Eve. It is all because of the women. "
Are we that evil? Do we screw with men's minds so much that wars or villains come out of it?
Come on people we can't be that bad. Yes we can be moody and pissy. We can cause men to become evil villains who want to take over the world. But at least it comes in a cute package. :)
I was talking to the grandfather today...
he interrupts with a "hang on hon"
I hear ruffles and arguing in the background.
"Hon I have to go and call you back. I have to change. Your grandmother does not like what I am wearing to dinner.....THINGS HAVE NOT CHANGED IN 50 FUCKING YEARS"
The boyfriend, as we are leaving Star Wars today (for the second time this week) makes a comment, "everything bad that happens, happens because of some girl. Anakin would not have become Darth if it were not for Padame. Helen of Troy. Adam and Eve. It is all because of the women. "
Are we that evil? Do we screw with men's minds so much that wars or villains come out of it?
Come on people we can't be that bad. Yes we can be moody and pissy. We can cause men to become evil villains who want to take over the world. But at least it comes in a cute package. :)
Friday, May 20, 2005
So my father is out of town on business and my mother is home alone for the next couple of days. She called me this morning while I was on my way to work and told me something that almost made me crash I was laughing so hard.
My mother, late last night, decides she smells burning rubber and calls the fire department to ask if they knew of something burning in the neighborhood. They said they didn't but replied that they would send a few men to check it out. My mother feels assured and goes back to bed. Now let me say that my mother is alone and is paranoid. An hour or so later she hears a knock at the door and goes to answer it in her nightgown not knowing who it was.
She opens the door to see four large firemen standing there (she felt the need to tell me that one of them was very cute).
"Oh...Hi. Are you here because you found something? Is something burning?"
" Ma'am...do you know what a skunk smells like?"
Yes people. My mother thought the smell of a skunk was a fire with burning rubber somewhere in the neighborhood.
In other news...
Today I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months. I call it 7 months of joy, laughs, growth, and love...
He calls it..."7 months of putting up with you," "7 months and I am still alive," and, "7 months ago I had no gray hairs."
The season finale of The O.C made me cry many many times. I have to say that after a less than stellar season they pulled out all of the stops for the finale. Hopefully next season will be a good one.
I saw two puppies at the pet store this weekend. I am soooo tempted you have no idea. I like the Jack Russell and the King Charles Cavalier (sp?). I want a puppy!!!
I talked for over 5,000 minutes on my cell phone last month. I think I might have some issues. :0 Though I can't be the only one that talks that much.
Work is going well. There is some catty drama here in the office. I am not surprised bring that most of us are female. That and there are so many big egos here it is nutty. I am getting really involved in breast cancer awareness though so that is a good thing. It is just shocking to me how many women there are that have it.
I am going to start training for a marathon. I want to be ready by next years rock n roll marathon.
I looked at my bank account and felt like a real live grown up. It was just the thing I needed to help feed my ego. :)
more later
Thank God it's Friday!!!
My mother, late last night, decides she smells burning rubber and calls the fire department to ask if they knew of something burning in the neighborhood. They said they didn't but replied that they would send a few men to check it out. My mother feels assured and goes back to bed. Now let me say that my mother is alone and is paranoid. An hour or so later she hears a knock at the door and goes to answer it in her nightgown not knowing who it was.
She opens the door to see four large firemen standing there (she felt the need to tell me that one of them was very cute).
"Oh...Hi. Are you here because you found something? Is something burning?"
" Ma'am...do you know what a skunk smells like?"
Yes people. My mother thought the smell of a skunk was a fire with burning rubber somewhere in the neighborhood.
In other news...
Today I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months. I call it 7 months of joy, laughs, growth, and love...
He calls it..."7 months of putting up with you," "7 months and I am still alive," and, "7 months ago I had no gray hairs."
The season finale of The O.C made me cry many many times. I have to say that after a less than stellar season they pulled out all of the stops for the finale. Hopefully next season will be a good one.
I saw two puppies at the pet store this weekend. I am soooo tempted you have no idea. I like the Jack Russell and the King Charles Cavalier (sp?). I want a puppy!!!
I talked for over 5,000 minutes on my cell phone last month. I think I might have some issues. :0 Though I can't be the only one that talks that much.
Work is going well. There is some catty drama here in the office. I am not surprised bring that most of us are female. That and there are so many big egos here it is nutty. I am getting really involved in breast cancer awareness though so that is a good thing. It is just shocking to me how many women there are that have it.
I am going to start training for a marathon. I want to be ready by next years rock n roll marathon.
I looked at my bank account and felt like a real live grown up. It was just the thing I needed to help feed my ego. :)
more later
Thank God it's Friday!!!
Thursday, May 19, 2005
So many thoughts are running through my head. Seriously my mind is a big ole clusterfuck of good things, bad things, and everything in between.
Last night at midnight I went with the boyfriend and some friends to the midnight showing of Revenge of the Sith. Wellllll....I am shocked I tell you. Just shocked! There were grown men dressed up in Star Wars garb like it was Halloween. There were guys who are probably lawyers and managers having light saber fights in front of the theatre. It was too funny for words. So we get into the movie and the boyfriend is jumping up and down like a little boy because it is the "last time he will ever see a Star Wars movie in the theatre for the first time."
I admit I got a little excited for him when he looked over and said "this is one of those things we will look back and remember STAR WARS."
So I feel asleep after the first three minutes (I was tired!!) However, I managed to stay awake for the last 45 minutes just in time to get my questions answered and to make me want to see the movie again (so I can see the whole thing).
More later but for now I leave you all with a question...
How many of you know that restaurants don't take checks???????
Last night at midnight I went with the boyfriend and some friends to the midnight showing of Revenge of the Sith. Wellllll....I am shocked I tell you. Just shocked! There were grown men dressed up in Star Wars garb like it was Halloween. There were guys who are probably lawyers and managers having light saber fights in front of the theatre. It was too funny for words. So we get into the movie and the boyfriend is jumping up and down like a little boy because it is the "last time he will ever see a Star Wars movie in the theatre for the first time."
I admit I got a little excited for him when he looked over and said "this is one of those things we will look back and remember STAR WARS."
So I feel asleep after the first three minutes (I was tired!!) However, I managed to stay awake for the last 45 minutes just in time to get my questions answered and to make me want to see the movie again (so I can see the whole thing).
More later but for now I leave you all with a question...
How many of you know that restaurants don't take checks???????
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