Monday, April 17, 2006

A Funny Thing Happens…(and this is the last post on my acceptance topic I promise...for now)

When you look inward as the cause of life’s problems instead of outward – it becomes freeing because you can actually control the problem. So when you focus on yourself, anger falls away toward anything because you know you had everything to do with anything.

When you begin to accept yourself for exactly what you are and stop trying to be someone you are not – an inner calm envelops you and you realize nothing needs to be different about you to be happy in life.

It makes me so sad to see anyone I love trying to be something different because they think something is wrong with them. I know how lonely and how depressing it feels. Because I used to be like that.

When I was growing up I always thought I had to be something better to be worthy someday. I had to be prettier, I had to be smarter, I had to be more responsible and not procrastinate as much.

But if we really look at ourselves we will see that fighting what we naturally are is a lot more depressing than actually being what we really are.

Our strengths are our weaknesses. And our weaknesses are our strengths. We can use what we have to our advantage as soon as we realize that we don’t have to be someone different.

A lot of people we don’t like we are jealous of because we think they have something we want. I used to not like this girl at work. But I saw that she was so together, so organized, so responsible and I found that she bothered me because I was jealous of her. Yet when I began (and I say began because I am not there yet) to accept myself then she stopped bothering me.

I have another friend who is considered a people pleaser. She is always willing to help, goes above and beyond. I used to tell her, Well S maybe if you said no sometimes then people would respect you more. I was wrong. The fact is she could be a people pleaser all she wanted because it was her natural personality. But to be respected more all she had to do was respect and accept herself, which she didn’t.

I have qualities that are unique to me and make me special. But so does everyone and so do everyone reading this.

There is no need to be anything different, do anything different or fight who you actually are. It makes me so sad to see friends doing this and it makes me sad when I do it too. It makes us so lost, trying to be something we are not. I am reminded of a quote from a great movie, “Saved.”

“If God wanted us to be the same why would he make us so different.”

Me and my sister-in-law have been discussing this a lot because we are both in a crossroads on our future career goals and it is causing us to think a lot about what our natural abilities are.

The fact is, my brother has strengths that I will never have. But I have strengths he will never have. And that is ok. And I think it took me 24 years to realize that. I was always so jealous of his brainpower. Of his drive. Of his ability to do so well and succeed in his career so fast and so easy. But then I realized there were things about me he envied. He wishes he could understand people better and relate to them more. He wishes he could be more natural in a social situation and read people more. The grass is always greener.

So if the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence then what color is the fence?


Some of my co- workers think I should be a social worker or a nutritionist (hey just because I give advice on food intake does not mean I want to do it for a living!)

I do know I will probably never fit in the big huge corporate setting (unless it is a very creative laid back environment) and I am beginning to think that is ok.

I do know my sister in law will probably never be good at waking up on time – but its ok.

I know my brother will always have problems relating to people on their level and not his and he probably will come across as an ass to some people who don’t get it (ugghh except when he is an ass to me because then it is totally his fault and he sucks and is just an ass) – but its ok.

All human beings are pretty much the same thing with different paths of going about it. Everyone is the same species whose biggest goal in life is happiness. Know this and you can know everyone. Everyone has a want that represents happiness and people will tell you what that want is verbally, indirectly and non verbally.

I know I have been talking about this a lot lately and it is because it is interesting me sooooooo much. I promise to stop boring you all with it once I write it all out of my system.

But for now a little something off topic –

The very first picture of Katie Holmes has doctors estimating her to be at about 4-5 months pregnant. This was in October (beginning of) there is no way she was 2 months pregnant because a woman never shows until at least month three. However she was showing pretty good (you gossip hounds remember this as the blue silky shirt on the soccer field with Tom Boy) which would mean that she was probably in month 4 at the least but 5 probable. However if she was the rare case that shows that much at month three that would put her at month 10 right now!! And the more probably four months and that means she is at month 11. WEIRD. Ok people you all have to admit it is weird. It is an alien baby!!!!

I was in LA this weekend and was just shocked at the fact that parts of LA (i.e. the parts you see while driving on the 101) are beginning to look like a third world country. I even saw SHACKS!! What was even sadder was Hollywood blvd. I saw pictures of ole Hollywood, all glamorous and beautiful. And now I find myself looking at a closed eatery that my dads best friend’s mom used to run over 40 years ago and hearing what my dad describes as the old LA and it is just so so so sad. I went, because of my profound need to know everything, into the scientology center for some “info” (i.e. to investigate) that will have to take up a whole other post.

Amy was telling me that Natasha (her dog) was a bratty girl because she would go up to male dogs in the street and shove her ass in their face and they would sniff and feel her up and then she would turn around and bite their face.

Amy has one smart girl as a dog.

So I tell Amy well that’s what girls do we shake our butts in the guys face and then run away and play all coy and hard to get (come on girls you know you all have done this, why do you think girl against boy tag was invented!)

My aunt is coming home from the hospital today. It is scary to think about what is going on. It is scary to see a family member give up. I think when people give up on life it is because they feel they have nothing to live for. And being that the only thing there is to live for is to love and be loved I have to wonder if she doesn’t feel love. She is loved. People are just frustrated with the giving up. What a paradox. Maybe people just get sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time?
I feel kind of numb about what is going on here so all I can do is remain optimistic, even if it doesn’t make sense to do so.

It is almost bedtime for me – 4:00 AM wake up call.

But one thought I would like to leave you all with on this beautiful Monday evening…

Don't listen to that guy. He's trying to lead you down the path of righteousness. I'm gonna lead you down the path that rocks.
- Emperor's New Groove

Play Ball

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