Wednesday, April 26, 2006

How do we know what is bragging to Impress...or Joking to disarm?

A little bit more of what I don’t want…

Please don’t brag about your only makes me think you have a small wee wee

Please don’t brag about your abilities with women…it only makes me think you have none.

The world of dating really gives me a lot to write about. LOL

I was having a discussion the other day with Amy about the big differences in guys who are overtly confident and silently confident. The silently confident guy just walks with this aura that he may know his faults, but he accepts them completely. He has this thing about him where he has no need to tell anyone the good stuff about himself because he has nothing to prove…he knows it already. The quiet confident guy makes others feel more confident around him. The overtly confident guy makes others feel inferior. The overtly confident guy makes others think he is fake or insecure or trying to hide something. The quiet confident guy is not in it for the chase. He knows what he wants and just gets it. The quiet confident guy has an air of you are not so sure what he is thinking. The quiet confident does not brag and acts with humility rather than insecurity. He shows his worth rather than speaks it. He is sexy but in an understated way. He is sexual but does not collect notches on the bed post just because.

I have had a recurring dream since I was little that I was being followed by a guy like this. He did not speak once but he was so powerful. I think guys like that have power without words and maybe that is the greatest power of all. I tend to think it is those quietly confident guys, whose wit is accidental, whose ability to impress is not based on words and whose actions express the aura of, “I am not perfect but I like myself just fine.” That really gets us girls’ blood flowing.

It is really funny and quite astonishing to read people when you really listen to what they have to say below the surface. When you learn how to see through the words, the real guy comes out.

I think when I feel most insecure of myself is when I say the most about my assets. Is it because I am saying it out loud so I can try to believe it myself? Maybe. Is it because I am trying to prove my worth? Maybe so. Maybe it is to try to mask the insecurity, afraid people might find out I am just Rachel. There is nothing superior about me and nothing about me makes me more special than anyone else. When I am comfortable with that, I find myself not really caring about proving myself or impressing others. I don’t have to brag and I don’t have to point out my assets. But on those days where I am feeling a little less of myself, when that precious ego has taken over….and I become like those guys that so terribly turn me off.

There are other times though where I make jokes. I am not sure where this comes from. It is not to brag but more to test or get a rise out of a guy. I like to see peoples reactions. On these days I think I am just more of a ME than anything else, but I can see how it can come across as bragging. Maybe the difference is when someone is just being playful they might say it with a playful tone to their voice.

So my question is…how do we know if someone is joking, bragging, or just saying exactly what it is they feel? How do we know if they are playing a fun teasy game or honestly trying to impress you but rather turning you off? Words are so powerful if used correctly. Maybe it is all in how we interpret things. I am interested on all your takes on this (all 40 readers anyway). How do you see if a guy (or girl) is being playful and light hearted, or bragging, or overtly annoyingly over confident?


Dustin said...


i shudder to think where i fall in here.

Anonymous said...

Try not to label people. It's tying you in knots. To me, it sounds like most of the people you know (including yourself) tend to brag. If you like them you label them as "silently confident" yet playfully teasing, if you don't like them you label them "overtly confident" and insecure with tiny wee wees. Do you really need to define why you like certain people and not others? It might be purely biological and instinctive and have nothing to do with their character. Can't you accept that? I think you should. Then you wouldn't find yourself giving the people you don't like such insulting labels. No one has to like everybody. And you don't have to make them bad guys in order to justify the fact that you don't like them.

Rachel Heather said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Rachel Heather said...

To anonymous,

Lighten up...its all in good fun my friend :)

and by the way, no one i directed the JOKE small wee wee comment at - got insulted. They laughed. Then again, maybe cause they are too confident.

It is shits and giggles anonymous...looks like someone else may be tried up in knots.

However, I do agree attraction is largely chemical. Us girls just live and learn and learn to weed out the ones we would not work with. Did I say they were "bad guys"? No fact many guys I ended up not liking were very good guys.

Read the whole blog, you might find it to be one big contradiction :)

If you are still to the boy above...he is the one with the small wee wee..poor thing ;)

Mr. Burns said...

Nah Miss Rachel. It was easy to feel what you were talking about here. How to tell what people are doing? It's tough, but it's all about the feeling. Is it just "I, I, I, I," with these people? Do they tend to put others down? Go with the gut. You've found something here.