Tuesday, April 11, 2006

We Are All A Bunch of Faulty Heros

First thing is first. I cannot begin to tell you how many emails, phone calls or comments I got regarding yesterdays blog about us being narcissists. For everyone that contacted me, most asked “Were you talking about me”? “Oh I hope that blog wasn’t about me because I know I have been…but I am not…”

I really love you all.

You all proved my point so much. We think everything is about us most of the time (not to worry its not all the time). It is human nature. And what I write, I do as well. I don’t write it to pretend I am above it all or beyond any actions I speak of because we all do it. Man I do this so much, and sometimes it gets me into trouble. Have no fear, most of the time you being narcissistic will only get you into trouble with someone if they try to pretend that they themselves are not narcissistic. The one person that did not ask me if the blog was about them was the one person that I actually made specific references to. This person, though, will freely admit he is a narcissist. He Will freely admit it and just shrug his shoulders like, “well who cares, don’t hang around me if you don’t like it.” (The attitude we all should have) So Ethan, the true narcissist. You amaze me.

This is not to say I condone bad behavior. Quite the opposite. What I do condone, however, is the ACCEPTANCE of us, wholly and completely, not just the good part of us. But acceptance of the devil inside of us because no matter how much spiritual cleansing we try to do, the devil will remain our entire lifetime.

For all you geeks reading this, think of the devil as the dark side. Everyone has it in them. To become truly evil is to give the dark side power and to immerse yourself completely in it. To accept that it is in a little part of you, you don’t give the dark side power, you just know that sometimes it can emerge in your life. Look at the dark side, accept it, acknowledge it within you, and you regain your power over it. Then and only then will it fade.

This dark side is the ego, the evil, the devil, the Voldemort. Think of all of you as Harry or Luke. You are good, but you have faults. You can be ego driven (narcissistic). Yet you are good natured. You have faults. You are connected in some way to the dark side/evil/Darth./Voldemort. In fiction we call this the hero archetype. Every hero story is the same story line. And yes, in every hero story the hero is faulty and has weaknesses. In every hero story the hero is connected to the anti-hero (blood with Luke, a prophecy with Harry). And every hero can only become a hero when he accepts that and chooses to be proactive about it rather than ego driven and reactive.

Notice how the hero is never completely pure and good? Take one of histories most famous heroes. Tom Sawyer. Tom lied, cheated, was conniving and quite arrogant. He was very flawed and yet everyone liked him. No one liked the perfect Sid. No one likes perfection.

Everyone is the hero that is why we like the storyline so much. Not one of us is purely good or purely evil. We do bad things. We do good things. But in order to complete our mission to become great self actualized human beings, we must accept our dark sides.

You would be amazed at yourself and how much better you would all feel if you just sat down, alone, and admitted to yourself what you really felt were your faults. The problem is, instead of doing this we project what we feel is wrong with us onto other people. Other people don’t have the control, only we have control of ourselves.

So I suggest we all sit down, really get to the nitty gritty of our faults. Make a list if you must. Then make the decision that you will accept every single one of those things on that list about yourself. Get to the place where you can honestly say, “I accept and love myself exactly as I am right now.” Then you will see true changes in yourself.

If you have any problems trying to figure out what things about yourself you think are faults. (As most people do because we hate to look at ourselves with any introspection we only like to look at others and tell them their faults) then make a list of all the people that annoy, irritate, and just plain piss you off. Write down what you think is wrong with them. THAT is the list of what you think are you faults. Yes what you think about others is really what you think about yourselves.

Guess what happens when you start to accept these faults of yours? All those irritating, annoying people that piss you off really don’t bother you anymore.

I will give some examples. There was a girl I worked with who just pissed me off so much. I always thought, well she is just jealous or she is just arrogant. Well guess what, I was jealous of her! Or how my mother irritates me so much because she is needy. Well, that means I think I am needy and don’t accept that part of me. (Of course my grandpa says all women are but that is beside the point). Try it, and you just might be shocked about what you find.

I already pointed out that we are all both narcissistic and insecure. Accept that first. Then you will one day get to a point where you can honestly say, “Yeah I am needy. So sue me. Get over it. I need a hug.”

Remember, what we accept as faults become quirks. What are quirks make us unique. People stop pissing us off so much because we have taken back the power over the dark side. Dip into the dark side but don’t dive into it. You have the ability to align yourself with your good side (loving yourself) or your devil (ego, pride, hating yourself)

If we get to somewhere in the middle with acceptance of both and I say we would all be in a much better place.

Now I need a hug, and a kiss, and some sparkly things. Hey I am needy, what do you expect.

1 comment:

Marian said...

I love you, Rachel. Your insight, humor and honesty are so refreshing and though provoking. I love the idea of writing down what bothers me about others and looking at how I'm projecting. That will be my little project tonight.
hugs, Marian