Monday, April 10, 2006

Narcissists and Insecurity

First off I must give a big Happy Birthday to the King of all Fucktards. My big brother, the big asshole is 27 today. I suppose I am supposed to say something nice about him to all of you who read this (all 20 of you!). Well…ummmmm….he is really smart. Oh what the hell, he is an egotistical, thinks-he’s-better-than-everyone, buffoon but he is also very caring and protective of those he loves. He is shy in many social situations but it is cute because it shows his weakness. He might brag to me about Hall of Fame trips he gets to take, but when it comes down to playing matchmaker with me and rock stars…he is always thinking of his lil sis. So, here is a BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the best brother a girl could ask for, because without you I would never have learned how to kick a guy where it really hurts back when I was five.

Moving on…

Narcissism. It is it a word that has always been used as a way of belittling someone else. If people don’t like what they see in the mirror they are insecure. If they look in the mirror and like what they see they are narcissistic. Rarely does anyone compliment someone and say, “Wow they are confident, how endearing.” No, they must be narcissistic. It has always been my belief that truly confident people are the only people who don’t think another confident person is overly narcissistic. Basically if you are ok with yourself then you are ok with others.

Rather than label I have to wonder, aren’t we all a little bit narcissistic. How many of you always glance at yourself in the mirror if you happen to be walking past one. How many of you stare at yourself as you walk past reflections in windows? Does anyone else catch the glimpse of their butts as they walk by store windows? Don’t we all love talking about ourselves. What happens the second we do something great or accomplish something? We tell somebody. We call our spouses from work, we text a friend, we announce it on myspace. It is our little way of telling the world, “Hey look at me. I am awesome!”

How many of us name drop if we know famous people? (not that I know anyone like that or anything hehe) How many of us keep blogs, thinking that what we do with our day and what we think is so important other people have to know?

We are all narcissistic. Some of us are mind narcissists. Others are physical narcissists. Many are both. We flash that smile when we know it is a weapon. We wear tight pants and sway our asses when we walk because we know it gets ‘em every time. We stare at ourselves in the mirror. We ask somebody, “Do I look fat in this”? When the answer is not what we are looking for but rather validation. We do many a thing to try to draw attention to our assets in the hopes that people will not notice the other side of us..the insecure side; The side where vulnerability lies.

The insecure part of us is something no one likes to talk about. We have no problem stating what we think about others, but how many of us would tell a stranger, “Ya know sometimes I sit in my room and wonder why anyone would love me, I am so stupid.” But we all think it at one time or another. It doesn’t matter what we are insecure about, ALL of us are insecure about something. Some of us hate our bodies. Some men think they will never be a huge success. Some women hate their thighs. Some women are so afraid that people would see through them they hide behind mini skirts and gallons of lip stick, because God forbid anyone sees who they really are.

Can you imagine what this world would be like if everyone had to say out load exactly what their inner self talk were saying right at that moment.

In the dressing room…”Oh look at me, I have to say all that running has done my ass good. Oh but look at that boobs, I think they could be slightly bigger…and what is this? Why can’t my skin be flawless? What is going on with my legs, they just are not long enough..I need to be stretched.”

At a job interview – “ Well I have excelled in this and this and that. I am very responsible and productive (while thinking please don’t see my desperation. Please don’t see how bad I need this. Please think I am smart enough. If you don’t I might go home and fall into a deadly pit of self wallowing madness.)”

On a date – (thinking: well she likes to laugh man make a joke) “So I - insert lame joke here-“ (damnit man that wasn’t funny. Why can’t you be funnier? What are you a moron? Look at that blank look on her face!)

When it comes down to it all of us possess qualities of both narcissism and insecurity. We can try to hide it. I say we should all celebrate it. If you think you are hot stuff, go ahead and think you are hot stuff! Who cares what anyone thinks, you are sexy! You are beautiful! You have a sparkling smile that can bring any man to his knees. If you think you are smart – shout out your weird words and better than thou attitude. If you think you are funny, go ahead and be funny. If you think your stomach is growing a little too rapidly, embrace that stomach – make it your unique thing, be charming about it. If you think you are less educated on a subject, admit it. Ask questions if you want. Don’t be afraid to say “Well I know absolutely nothing about that, I would love for you to tell me about it since you are so educated.”

Face it – we are all self absorbed. We are insecure and self absorbed in our insecurity. We are cocky and self absorbed in our cockiness. I tend to think that is what makes us all so so cool. The best part of life is figuring out people. Seeing their weak spots. Seeing what they love about themselves. Seeing what they honestly love about themselves and seeing what things they have hidden deep down, under the surface, making them human.

Once again – Happy Birthday Fucktard! You may have been an undiagnosed Autistic your whole life, but you are still the best brother ever. Of course, the only brother I have, so therefore the best be default. :)

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